Dallas Scene of the Day: ‘A Bird in the Hand, Honey’

Two of a kind

In “Fools Rush In,” a seventh-season “Dallas” episode, J.R. (Larry Hagman) is seated at his office desk when Katherine (Morgan Brittany) enters the room.

KATHERINE: Hello, J.R. What’s this problem you called me about? I don’t have a lot of time.

J.R.: The one thing I never thought you were was stupid.

KATHERINE: Hey, look, I didn’t come here to be insulted.

J.R.: You’re here because of that asinine move you made with Naldo Marchetta. Of all the dumb, idiotic things I ever heard —

KATHERINE: Now, J.R., I don’t find that dumb at all. I simply isolated Bobby from Jenna, just like I isolated him from Pam.

J.R.: What you did was break him up with the one woman that could’ve gotten him out of my hair for good.

KATHERINE: [Leans forward] I’m that woman, J.R. Remember?

J.R.: A bird in the hand, honey. And Jenna was in the hand till you screwed it up.

KATHERINE: Look, I didn’t break up Bobby and Pam so he could marry Jenna Wade. I want him for myself.

J.R.: Well, you just might have blown it for all of us. For all I know, he could be out there sniffing around his ex-wife’s door right now. I don’t give a damn who Bobby ends up with as long as it’s not Pamela Barnes. [Stands, turns and looks out the window] Jenna was perfect, just perfect. Well, I guess you’ll have to do.

KATHERINE: Well, you’re certainly big on compliments, aren’t you?

J.R.: With Bobby on the loose again, the only sure way to keep him and that Barnes woman apart is to make sure she goes ahead and marries Mark Graison. [Turns to face her]

KATHERINE: Well, I have no objection to that.

J.R.: [Mocking] Oh, you have no objection to that, do you? Well, you just better keep pushing until that happens, honey!

KATHERINE: [Turns, begins to leave, then stops at the door] I’ll do my best.

J.R.: [Steps forward] Well, your best better be real good. Because if it’s not, I’m going to play Bobby that little tape I made. You remember? You and me in the sack? After he hears that, he’ll never even look at you again.