Dallas Decoder’s Summer Vacations Guide

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Slippery when wet

Planning to hit the road this summer? To have the happiest of holidays, let the Ewings be your guide.

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Julie Grey, Larry Hagman, Tina Louise

Lurid rendezvous

Mix business with pleasure. Experts say you should unplug from work when you’re on vacation, but don’t tell that to J.R. Ewing. Did this man ever take a break? Not only did J.R. pursue multi-million-dollar oil deals during his various honeymoons with Sue Ellen and Cally, he also routinely brought secretaries like Julie and Kristin with him on his out-of-town “business trips.” Hey, don’t knock it. Who else was going to take J.R.’s dictation when he was on the road?

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, Tyler Banks

Squatters

Save money on lodging. Tempted to splurge on fancy hotels when you travel? Don’t be; the Ewings rarely did. Sue Ellen and her bratty kid shacked up with the Farlows during their sojourn in San Angelo. Likewise, when Kristin went to California, she crashed at Gary and Val’s Knots Landing pad. Sure, she was a houseguest from hell — is it that hard to put the cap back on the toothpaste tube, Kristin? — but at least she enlivened that dead-end cul-de-sac by breaking up a few marriages.

April Ewing, Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duffy, Sheree J. Wilson

Hills alive

Remember: It’s a small world. Don’t be surprised if a familiar face or two shows up unexpectedly on your vacation. This happens to the Ewings all the time. Bobby and Pam ran into Gary at a convention in Las Vegas, Val encountered Gary and Abby during her book tour in Dallas, Ellie was surprised to spot Clayton during her visit to Galveston, and April popped in on Bobby during J.R. and Cally’s Austrian honeymoon. Hey, now that you mention it, what was Bobby doing there anyway?

Dack Rambo, Dallas, Jack Ewing, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Costume drama

When in Rome. … No matter where your travels take you, follow J.R.’s lead by blending in with the locals. For example, he got into the spirit of banana-republicanism by bribing officials in Cuba and Colombia. J.R. also played cowboy when he confronted B.D. Calhoun in Los Angeles, and he went all James Bond over Angelica Nero’s ass at the masquerade ball in Martinique. One wonders, though: When Angelica fired her gun, was she trying to shoot J.R. or the bird atop his head?

Dallas, Linda Gray, Pam Ewing, Sue Ellen Ewing, Victoria Principal

In plane sight

Get off the beaten path. Sure, you can vacation in an exotic locale, but if you want real relaxation, visit a medical facility. J.R. had a grand time when he checked himself into a mental ward, while Pam once hopped around the Caribbean, touring medical clinics. Pam also dragged Sue Ellen with her to a Hong Kong hospital, which Sue Ellen really liked — although probably not as much as the time she spent guzzling booze from a Scope bottle during her own sanitarium stay.

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duffy

Long goodbye

Be flexible. No matter how much you plan, things aren’t always going to go your way while traveling. The trick is learning to roll with the punches. Did Jock and J.R. mope around after those hillbillies ambushed them in Louisiana? Hell no! They used the occasion for some father/son bonding. Likewise, did Bobby rush home after April was killed during their Parisian honeymoon? Of course not. He hung around an extra week. (Maybe he had more sightseeing to do?)

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Pam Ewing, Patrick Duffy, Victoria Principal

Revolutionary road

Don’t forget the souvenirs! No trip is complete without something to remember it by. Sue Ellen returned from the Orient with a bunch of toys for John Ross. Donna was sporting a fur coat when she and Ray returned from their honeymoon in New York City. John Ross came home from his honeymoon in Tulun with an ugly statue. Of course, when it comes to vacation mementos, no one tops Bobby, who returned from his New Orleans trip with the most notable souvenir in “Dallas” history — a wife!

Bobby Ewing, Clayton Farlow, Dallas, Donna Reed, Howard Keel, Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow, Patrick Duffy

Slim shady

Never travel with Clayton Farlow. If you heed no other advice here, please don’t ignore this one. Clayton may look and act like a kindly grandpa, but take it from us: This dude is shady. How many times did he whisk Miss Ellie away on some mysterious extended vacation? After one trip, she came home with a completely different face! The worst offense came in the next-to-last season, when Clayton took Mama away yet again … and never brought her back. Sure hope she packed well.

Where are your favorite Ewing road trips? Share your memories in the comments section below and read more Dallas Decoder Guides.

J.R. Ewing is Coming to Town this Christmas

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Hang in there, darlin’

You better watch out: J.R. Ewing is coming to town this Christmas.

Hallmark will honor Larry Hagman’s “Dallas” character with a keepsake ornament this holiday season. Sheree J. Wilson, who played April on “Dallas” and was a longtime friend of Hagman’s, posted an image of the ornament on her Facebook page today.

The 5-inch tall ornament depicts J.R. clutching a handful of cash and plays the “Dallas” theme music. It will sell for $17.95 and be available for purchase July 9, according to a post on Hallmark’s site.

The ornament joins a host of other officially licensed “Dallas” merchandise that has become available in recent years, including action figures, toy cars and housewares.

Will you purchase a J.R. Ewing Christmas ornament? Share your comments below and read more news from Dallas Decoder.

How Would You Spin Off Bobby Ewing?

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duff, TNT

Spin, Bob, spin!

Would you watch a “Dallas” spinoff about Bobby Ewing?

It’s a question we’ve been pondering since last week, when fellow fan Jennifer Irons — a.k.a. Team Bobby Ewing — took to Twitter to suggest Patrick Duffy’s iconic character should get his own TV series.

Duffy’s response:

Who are we to leave our hero hanging? With tongue firmly planted in cheek, we offer three proposed spinoffs for our beloved Bobby:

MR. EWING GOES TO WASHINGTON

Logline: Bobby trades his big white house in Texas for the one at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. With help from Vice President Sue Ellen Ewing and Agriculture Secretary Ray Krebbs, he works each week to outsmart the nefarious Senate majority leader, Cliff Barnes.

EWING, TEXAS RANGER

Logline: After single-handedly defeating a Mexican drug cartel, Bobby ditches Southfork and begins a new career in law enforcement. His adventures take him across the Lone Star State and eventually lead him to a new love with a familiar face: District Attorney Alex Cahill (Sheree J. Wilson).

BOBBY’S LANDING

Logline: Bobby retires to Knots Landing, which he renames for himself. (He did build the place, after all.) His new Seaview Circle neighbors — including boozy brother Gary and nutty sister-in-law Val — make him feel right at home. But what happens when Abby, after realizing Bobby is the only Ewing brother she hasn’t slept with, decides to make him her latest conquest?

Now it’s your turn: What kind of spinoff would you create for Bobby Ewing? Share your ideas below and read more features from Dallas Decoder.

‘Dallas’ Stars to Reunite at Autograph Show

Dallas, Linda Gray, Patrick Duffy

Ewings reunite! (Getty Images)

Patrick Duffy, Linda Gray and several other “Dallas” stars are slated to participate in a Los Angeles autograph show next weekend.

The Hollywood Show will be held from Friday, October 30, through Sunday, November 1, at the Westin Los Angeles Airport Hotel.

The other “Dallas” alumni scheduled to participate are Ken Kercheval, Charlene Tilton, Christopher Atkins, Morgan Brittany, Mary Crosby, Morgan Fairchild, Jenilee Harrison, Leigh McCloskey, Sasha Mitchell, Sheree J. Wilson and Morgan Woodward.

More than 60 additional actors are slated for the event, including Corbin Bernsen, Annie Potts and Kevin Sorbo. The list also includes Patty McCormack, who guest starred in three “Dallas” episodes during the 1981-82 season as Evelyn Michaelson, the woman who came between Lucy and Mitch.

Ticket prices vary; a two-day pass costs $40. There are additional fees if you want to be photographed with individual actors or groups, including a $250 charge to have your picture taken with the “Dallas” cast.

More information is available on the Hollywood Show site.

Will you attend the Hollywood Show? Share your comments below and read more news from Dallas Decoder.

The Dallas Decoder Interview: Patrick Duffy

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duffy, TNT

Patrick Duffy as Bobby Ewing

Patrick Duffy is everything you would expect him to be: smart, thoughtful, funny and above all, kind. I was honored to interview him recently, and I’m excited to share our conversation with my fellow “Dallas” fans.

It’s been eight months since “Dallas” was canceled. How’s life treating you?

Well, it’s been more than a year since the show ended because we were canceled long after we finished filming the third season. It’s been a year of catching up with your own private life, which you never put totally on hold when you’re working, and spending time in the place that you really love to be. I do miss the day-to-day experience of being with those close friends of mine from the show.

Let’s talk about the cancellation. Why do you think TNT dropped the show?

I think it’s not even a secret as to why it was canceled: the regime change at TNT. We had two very strong advocates in [executives] Steve Koonin and Michael Wright. They both left, and in that vacuum, other people wanted to make their mark. They thought “Dallas” harkened back instead of leaning forward. They wanted to clean house, and we happened to be one of the victims.

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, TNT

The unexpected

It’s still heartbreaking for fans. How about you?

As Linda [Gray] will tell you, this isn’t our first day at the picnic. We’ve both had shows canceled before. It was a bit of a shock because it was more unexpected than in previous cancellations, where you know the ratings are dying and it’s just a matter of time. This one caught most of us by surprise.

The ratings did drop in the third season, though. What do you attribute that to?

I think everyone would assume part of it was Larry [Hagman] dying. I would not even assume that. I would take that as a definite. [TNT] also split the third season, and we were doing very well under the old method of airing a full season at a time. I don’t really know what to think. I feel the quality of the shows — oddly enough — improved in the third year. Larry’s passing made everybody up their game, which is why I was more than a little surprised and disappointed that we weren’t picked up.

I agree that in a lot of ways, the show was only getting better.

I really thought we had the potential to prove to the world that the show is not about one person. Larry said that year after year. The show is “Dallas,” and “Dallas” can be anything if it’s done correctly. He said that when I left the show, he said it when other people left the show, and he would have said it when he left the show. It would have been harder for him to say it. … [Laughs]

Some fans cite the drug cartel storyline as an example of the new “Dallas” straying too far from its origins. What’s your take?

I don’t know if I agree with that. We see a lot of news about the influence of the drug trade in mid- to southern Texas. So I didn’t object to it. I thought it was a viable subject line. I think it might have been overemphasized. It might have been better as a tangential story instead of an absolute focus, and I think we expanded our cast a bit precipitously. I loved every regular cast member we added, but “Dallas” has always been about the Ewing family, and when you expand it too much and too soon, I don’t think the show stayed as “pure” as it might have been. But those are little things.

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duffy, TNT

Fired up

You inspired a lot of fans during the #SaveDallas campaign. What was it like to see so many people rallying behind the show?

I had a double feeling about it. I was so encouraged that so many viewers saw value in our show. At the same time, it was bittersweet because I was more than 75 percent sure nothing was going to happen at TNT. I knew that they weren’t going to say, “Oops” [and reverse the cancellation]. And I knew just enough of the financial complexities of making “Dallas” that it would be next-to-impossible for a new network or entity to take it over. So I felt it was wonderful [that #SaveDallas] was so wishful and positive and hopeful, and yet the Titanic is going down. You can bail as much as you want — and God love everybody who had a bucket — but it’s still going down.

A lot of fans haven’t given up.

I know. I go on Twitter and see how many people are still hashtagging #SaveDallas. And I don’t want to deter anybody from fulfilling every conceivable idea they might have. I live my life that way. I encourage everybody to do their best. I’ve had both my boys in competitions of various sorts over the years, and as a parent you sometimes think, “Oh my God, they’re going to lose so bad.” But what do you do? You don’t say to your kid, “You know, you’re going to lose son, but. …” So you just say, “You can do it. Come on!”

You weren’t involved in the behind-the-scenes discussions, but as far as you know, was there ever a point where the show came close to finding a new home?

I know that [showrunners] Cynthia [Cidre] and Mike [Robin] were desperately meeting with people — bona fide executive meetings all over the place. And Peter Roth at Warner Bros. was devastated when the show was canceled. He wanted to do everything conceivable to see if there was a place where it could reside. But when I would talk to them and they would report with ever-increasing regularity how this conversation fell through, and how that deal couldn’t happen, I started to just think, “Well, I have a feeling we’re putting this one to bed.”

It sounded as if the CW was a real possibility at one point.

Yeah. I think the reason is because of the CBS and Warner Bros. affiliation and the connection to Les Moonves [the CBS president and chief executive officer who once worked for Lorimar, producer of the original “Dallas.”] There were a lot of historical lines there. If a family member was going to bail you out, maybe that would be the one. But again, I think the financial complexity just doomed us.

Ann Ewing, Bobby Ewing, Brenda Strong, Dallas, Linda Gray, Patrick Duffy, Sue Ellen Ewing, TNT

The end?

So you think “Dallas” is over for good?

I’ve learned to never say never. I died once and came back, but I don’t see the situation resolving itself. You would have to gather together the same group of people who’ve been spending the past year moving forward with their careers. But if it happened and I were available, I’d be the first person in line for wardrobe.

Bobby was the steward of Southfork. Would you be interested in taking a creative role behind the scenes — becoming the steward of “Dallas”?

I don’t know if I’m the type of creative person who can do that. “Dallas” is unique. If I understood it and if Larry understood it, the final reunion movie [1998’s “War of the Ewings”] would not have been the turkey it was. We were in charge of that one and it was terrible. I’ll be the first to admit that. So no, I don’t believe I could pick up the reins and produce a continuation of “Dallas.” Cynthia could, and I think she would do it in a heartbeat if she were available and somebody asked her to pick it up again. But I don’t think I know anybody else that could do it.

Do you have any idea what was in store for Bobby? There were a few scripts written for the fourth season. Everyone is dying to know what was in those storylines.

[Laughs] Nothing ever crossed my desk to read for the fourth season, but Cynthia and I were very close and hopefully will remain so for the rest of our lives. And she was telling me what would happen and a lot of it had to do with Christopher’s death. What does it do to Bobby to lose his adopted son, and then what’s in the history of “Dallas” that would eventually bring him out of that? And there are a lot of characters invented in the first incarnation of “Dallas” that could be brought in to play on the new show in a very appropriate way.

Ooh. Can you give an example?

I know Steve [Kanaly] was going to be brought in for a lot of episodes in Season 4. Cynthia knew that he was a definite positive for the show.

So maybe we would finally have seen Bobby’s other son, Lucas, who was raised by Ray Krebbs?

Well, I think that’s got to be the elephant in the room whenever you talk about Bobby losing one son — who is an adopted son. Family was the most important thing to Bobby. So where is the handoff in his mind of who takes over when Bobby dies? That’s his mission, to find that person. So I can’t imagine that they would leave that stone unturned.

I’m also curious about this half-sister of John Ross’s. Any idea who J.R.’s daughter was going to be?

I don’t know at all what they had in mind in terms of casting. I can’t imagine. It’s not uncommon for Texas oil billionaires to have dual families. H.L. Hunt had two families simultaneously for years. And Larry talked about the idea when he was alive. What if J.R. had an entire second life?

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duffy, TNT

Simmer down now

So when you look back on the new “Dallas,” what are the highlights?

For me, personally, I loved the maturation of the character of Bobby. I thought Cynthia hit the right note with his aging process, who he was after we saw him after that length of time. She maintained Bobby’s essence, but she gave him that sort of calm outlook. “I’ve lived long enough now. I’m not quite as fiery as I used to be. I know the drill.” I really liked that. I felt very comfortable in his shoes at that time. And speaking of shoes, when the new show was starting production, I went back and thought, “Well, maybe Bobby’s not so cowboy anymore.” And I told wardrobe, find me a really nice pair of Italian slip-on shoes for Bobby to wear. And I put them on the first day of work and went back to Rachel [Sage Kunin, the show’s costume designer] and said, “Dear God, get me the boots. I cannot be Bobby Ewing in these shoes!”

Really?

Really! It didn’t feel right. Linda told me years ago that she can’t be Sue Ellen in flats. She’s got to wear high heels. Sue Ellen wears heels. Bobby has to have boots, and once I came to that realization, then I was okay. [Laughs] But I agreed with everything that Cynthia put him through in the course of those three years. Certain things I objected to, but I know they were right.

Can you give an example of something you objected to?

Well, the thing that I thought was devastating to the character of Bobby was in the reading of [J.R.’s] will when we find out Mama gave half of Southfork to John Ross.

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, TNT

Enemy mine

Yeah, what’s up with that?

Yeah, well, that’s exactly what I said when I read it in the script! First, I called Cynthia and said, “What the hell?” [Laughs] I thought, “Nooo.” First of all, how did that stay hidden for 30 years? But it added such a tension in the storyline. It made me as an actor find different things to do. But I never would have entertained that if I had been in charge and somebody would’ve suggested it. I would have said, “No, that can’t be. That wouldn’t happen. Mama wouldn’t do that. I’m sorry.” But it was the right thing to do.

It really helped elevate Josh Henderson’s character to be Bobby’s new adversary.

And he had one of the hardest parts. How do you be the new J.R. Ewing? But Josh’s growth pattern as an actor playing that part for three years was probably the largest bell curve. And he really filled that responsibility. Brenda Strong had the other hardest part. How do you replace Pamela?

She also had to replace Miss Ellie, in a sense.

She had to replace everybody! [Laughs] She had to replace Sheree [J. Wilson], she had to replace Pamela, she had to replace Mama. My favorite horse, my dog. She had a thankless job and she did it. She was the perfect choice and the perfect rendition of who could fill those responsibilities on “Dallas.”

You’ve mentioned Larry. Do you miss him?

No, I don’t. I’ve said that from the day after he died. I don’t think I’ll ever miss him in the sense that — right now, I’m looking at a picture of the two of us. I’m sitting at my desk and there’s a picture of him and me here, holding a big fish between us that we caught in the river that runs through my ranch.

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Patrick Duffy, TNT

Brothers

I think we saw that picture on the show.

Probably. We donated a lot of pictures for the show. But I think until the day I die, I will be so satiated with my relationship with Larry. There are no empty spots. There is a sense of longing for the day-to-day connection. That I miss. I miss the phone ringing and he’d go, “Hi-ditty-ditty.” He would always do a little Irish tune before he would say, “Hey.” Those are the moments I miss. But just as I was telling you that, I hear it in my ear. I hear it as clear as if the phone had just rung and he had done it.

I know you remain close to Linda, who’s getting ready to publish her book. Will you write one?

Nope. I admire Linda for writing her book. Larry wrote his. I am too private a person. My private life and my private feelings are exactly that, and if you write a book, it should make you want to be honest. I’ve always had the title of my autobiography, which is “What I Choose to Recall.” I stole the lyrics from Merle Haggard song.

I love that song.

Yeah, and to me it’s the perfect title for an autobiography that’s not totally honest.

That song played during “J.R.’s Masterpiece” during the memorial sequence.

Really? [Singing] “Everything does change, except what you choose to recall.” [Laughs] Had I written it, that would have been the title of my autobiography.

Share your comments below and read more Dallas Decoder interviews.

Poll: Which ‘Dallas’ Character Should Have Stayed Alive?

April Ewing, Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Digger Barnes, Jesse Metcalfe, Jim Davis, Jock Ewing, Keenan Wynn, Kristin Shepard, Mary Crosby, Pam Ewing, Sheree J. Wilson, TNT, Victoria Principal

Here’s a list of “Dallas” characters who were killed off for a variety of reasons. Choose one character who should have stayed alive, even if it meant recasting the role with another actor.

 

Share your comments below and vote in Dallas Decoder’s other polls.

The Dal-List: Classic ‘Dallas’s’ 13 Most Harrowing Kidnappings

Ann Ewing, Boxed In, Brenda Strong, Dallas, Emma Bell, Emma Ryland, TNT

Your turn, Annie

The Ewings discover Ann and Emma (Brenda Strong, Emma Bell) have been kidnapped in “Boxed In,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode. Fortunately, our favorite TV family has plenty of experience dealing with this kind of thing. Here’s a look at the 13 most harrowing kidnappings from the original series.

Charlene Tilton, Dallas, Greg Evigan, Lucy Ewing, Willie Gust

Far out!

13. Lucy (1978). When the Ewings refused to let Valene come to Lucy’s birthday party, Lucy ran away from Southfork and hitched a ride with Willie Gust (Greg Evigan) — and who can blame her? Willie had the tightest jeans, the most feathery hair and the grooviest custom van in Texas, right down to the wall-to-wall fake-fur carpeting. Too bad Willie was also a lunatic who ended up taking Lucy (Charlene Tilton) on a cross-Texas crime spree. Bobby rescued her, of course, but we never found out what happened to Willie. Was he really as psychotic as he seemed? Or were those jeans merely cutting off the circulation to his brain?

Dallas, John Ross Ewing

J.R. Duncan

12. John Ross (1979). Hey, remember when Sue Ellen nipped a little too much from her “special bottle” of Scope, escaped from the sanitarium, wrecked her car and gave birth to John Ross? And remember how Priscilla Duncan (Sheila Larken) quietly snatched the baby from the hospital? And then remember how happy we all were when Pam figured out what happened and reunited J.R. and Sue Ellen with their son? Well, hindsight being what it is, am I the only one who now thinks John Ross might have been better off with Ms. Duncan? Sure, she was nuts, but think of all the daddy issues the kid would’ve avoided.

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Who shut up J.R.?

11. J.R. Ex-mobster Joseph Lombardi wanted answers when his son Nick Pearce plunged to his death after tussling with J.R. (Larry Hagman) on a high-rise balcony, so Lombardi sent his goons after our hero. They bound and gagged J.R. and brought him to a cheap motel, where Lombardi grilled him about the night Nick died. J.R. insisted it was all an accident — and fortunately Sue Ellen confirmed his account, prompting Lombardi to release him. It was cool to see Hagman act opposite the great Joseph Campanella, and we have to give Lombardi props for stand up to ol’ J.R. But would I want to see him kidnapped again? Fahgettaboudit.

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duffy

Cuff him if you can

10. Bobby. “Dallas” has given us a lot of credibility-stretching storylines over the years (cough, cough Haleyville), but you know what I’ll never believe? I’ll never believe that Bobby James Ewing (Patrick Duffy) — that strapping, hunk of Grade A Texas beefcake — could be outmuscled by the clowns who kidnapped him during the middle of the show’s second season. For goodness sakes, Bobby is the kind of guy who can take on a barroom full of drunk cowboys and walk away without a scratch. The only thing more ridiculous than seeing him abducted is seeing the Ewings turn to Cliff Barnes to rescue him!

Dallas, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing

Darlin’ detained

9. Sue Ellen. Oh, for the love of Pete. Sue Ellen, what have you gone and done now? Did you really allow that creep B.D. Calhoun to slip you a mickey so he could photograph himself with you and send the pictures to J.R.? Didn’t you learn not to trust strange men during Pam’s dream the previous season? Actually, even though Sue Ellen should have known better, this subplot marked the beginning of a turning point in her marriage: Once J.R. vanquished Calhoun, he felt so bad about what happened to his family, he finally kicked that Winger tramp to the curb. Hmmm. On second thought, maybe Sue Ellen knew what she was doing all along.

Dallas, Pam Ewing, Victoria Principal

Welcome to the jungle

8. Pam. When an old back injury flared up during “Dallas’s” ninth season, Victoria Principal took a break from the show, leaving the writers scrambling to explain her absence. Their solution? Have Pam kidnapped by jungle mercenaries, of course! The subplot proves surprisingly effective, especially when we see Cliff’s determination to rescue his sister. (Their reunion after the bad guys release her is one of many great scenes between Principal and Ken Kercheval.) Looking back, I can’t help but wonder: Why couldn’t “Dallas” come up with a good storyline to explain Principal’s absence when she left the show for good two years later?

Dallas, Daniel Pilon, Jenna Wade, Priscilla Beaulieu Presley

Take her. Please.

7. Jenna. When Jenna (Priscilla Beaulieu Presley) fled Dallas on the day she was supposed to marry Bobby, she left behind a note that explained she had fallen in love with someone else and was running away. Except that wasn’t true: Jenna’s ex Renaldo Marchetta (Daniel Pilon) had kidnapped her and forced her to pen the letter to throw the Ewings off their trail. When this storyline aired during the winter and spring of 1985, I spent weeks on the edge of my seat, anxious to see how it would turn out. Little did I know things would end on such a tragic note, when Dreadful Jenna™ returned to Southfork. Oh, the humanity!

B.D. Calhoun, Dallas, Hunter von Leer, John Ross Ewing, Omri Katz

Captive audience

6. John Ross (1986). Here we go again. After B.D. Calhoun (Hunter von Leer) kidnapped and released Sue Ellen, he set his sights on John Ross (Omri Katz), J.R. and Sue Ellen’s son. Calhoun snatched the kid from a hotel pool in Los Angeles, where J.R. and Bobby sent their wives and boys to protect them from the threat Calhoun posed. The crazed mercenary forced little John Ross to make a hostage tape, which turned Sue Ellen into a blubbering mess when she watched it. Fear not, honey: The Ewing brothers eventually rescued John Ross, who would grow up to star alongside Emma Ryland in a much different kind of video.

Charlene Tilton, Dallas, Lucy Ewing

Gagged, reeling

5. Lucy (1982). Well, what do you know? Lucy’s been kidnapped yet again. This time, the culprit is Roger Larson, the photographer who helped turn her into Texas’s tiniest top model. Unlike most of the other kidnappings on this list, Roger didn’t abduct Lucy for ransom or revenge — he was obsessed with her. He kept the Ewing heiress locked in a room plastered with the pictures he took of her. (Do stalkers do this in real life, or only on TV?) Bobby and Pam eventually rescued Lucy, but not before Pam told off Roger in one of Principal’s best scenes. Gee, like Sue Ellen, maybe Lucy should’ve gotten kidnapped more often too.

Joan Van Ark, Knots Landing, Valene Ewing

Feet first

4. Lucy (Early 1960s). Lucy’s first kidnapping is an integral part of “Dallas” lore. It’s mentioned in the first episode, when Lucy recalls how J.R.’s “old boys” snatched her from Valene’s arms when she was a baby and brought her to Southfork to be raised by Jock and Miss Ellie. We finally saw the kidnapping in a “Knots Landing” flashback, where we learned the ugly mess probably could’ve been prevented: No, I’m not referring to the fact that Lillimae refused to let Val (Joan Van Ark) into her shack when J.R.’s henchmen were chasing her. I’m talking about the fact Val was barefoot when she was trying to outrun them. Good grief, Val. Buy some shoes.

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, Tyler Banks

Carry on

3. John Ross (1981). When Sue Ellen and John Ross went to live at the Southern Cross, J.R. was determined to get his boy back. He saw an opportunity when Sue Ellen took the child with her to Kristin’s funeral in New Mexico. Mother and son were gliding through a Love Field terminal when two of J.R.’s thugs approached. While one man distracted Sue Ellen, the other snatched the child. Suddenly, Dusty Farlow and a trio of Southern Cross cowboys swarmed the dude holding John Ross. “Give us the boy,” Dusty demanded — and of course the guy did. This might have been “Dallas’s” briefest abduction, but wasn’t it exciting!

Barbara Bel Geddes, Dallas, Miss Ellie Ewing

Trunk show

2. Miss Ellie. Look everybody, Donna’s here! What’s wrong, Donna? You seem upset. What’s that, you say? Jessica called Dusty and told him Clayton’s wedding to Miss Ellie (Barbara Bel Geddes) is off? And then Jessica knocked you out with the phone? And then she stole your car? And then she took Mama?! Geez, Donna, couldn’t you have given us that last bit of information first? No matter. Between Susan Howard’s pained delivery and Richard Lewis Warren’s tension-building score, the scene where the Ewings discover Mama has been abducted by loony tune Jessica is positively thrilling — even if Donna did bury the lede.

April Ewing, Dallas, Sheree J. Wilson

Grand theft auto

1. April. Every abduction on this list ends happily for the victim — except this one. The original “Dallas” kicked off its final season with the kidnapping of April (Sheree J. Wilson) during her Parisian honeymoon with Bobby. The storyline was a little complicated — the culprit was Hillary Taylor (Susan Lucci), a mystery woman who took April so she could assume her identity and make a big speech at an OPEC conference — and yet it was also a dramatic thrill ride. Fans expected Bobby to get his bride back by the time all was said and done — and so imagine our surprise when she was gunned down at the conference. It was a hell of a way to start the original show’s last season, telegraphing to the audience that this would be the year anything could happen on “Dallas” — and damn near did.

Which kidnapping did you find most harrowing on “Dallas”? Share your thoughts below and read more “Dal-Lists.”

#DallasChat Daily: Who Stayed Too Long or Left Too Soon?

April Stevens Ewing, Charlene Tilton, Dallas, Donna Krebbs, Holly Harwood, Jenna Wade, Jeremy Wendell, Kristin Shepard, Lucy Ewing, Lois Chiles, Mary Crosby, Mickey Trotter, Priscilla Beaulieu Presley, Ray Krebbs, Sheree J. Wilson, Steve Kanaly, Susan Howard, Timothy Patrick Murphy, William Smithers

Let’s face it: “Dallas” didn’t always know when to say goodbye. Some characters hung around long after their storyline possibilities were exhausted, while other favorites still had lots of untapped potential when they were written out.

Consider the group pictured here: Lucy, Ray, Donna, Jenna, Kristin, Jeremy, Mickey, Holly and April. (I’ll let you decide which character belongs in which category.) This is just a sampling; you’re welcome to name other characters too.

Your #DallasChat Daily questions: Which “Dallas” characters stayed too long? Which characters left too soon?

Share your comments below and join other #DallasChat Daily discussions.

#DallasChat Daily: Who Were the Best/Worst Cast Additions?

April Stevens Ewing, Clayton Farlow, Dack Rambo, Dallas, Donna Culver Krebbs, Howard Keel, Jack Ewing, James Beaumont, Jenna Wade, Kimberly Foster, Michelle Stevens, Priscilla Beaulieu Presley, Sasha Mitchell, Sheree J. Wilson, Susan Howard

The original “Dallas” debuted with nine principal characters (Jock, Miss Ellie, J.R., Sue Ellen, Bobby, Pam, Lucy, Ray and Cliff), but the cast grew steadily as the show progressed. How did the additions measure up to the originals?

The notable newcomers over the years included Donna (Susan Howard), Clayton (Howard Keel), Jenna (Priscilla Beaulieu Presley), Jack (Dack Rambo), April (Sheree J. Wilson), Michelle (Kimberly Foster) and James (Sasha Mitchell).

Your #DallasChat Daily question: Who were “Dallas’s” best and worst cast additions?

Share your comments below and join other #DallasChat Daily discussions.

#DallasChat Daily: Who’s Bobby’s Best Wife?

Ann Ewing, April Stevens Ewing, Bobby Ewing, Brenda Strong, Dallas, Pam Ewing, Patrick Duffy, Sheree J. Wilson, TNT, Victoria Principal

There have been three Mrs. Bobby Ewings on “Dallas” — Pam, April and Ann. Picking a favorite is almost as tough as choosing between Ginger and Mary Ann on “Gilligan’s Island,” but let’s try anyway.

Your #DallasChat Daily question: Who is Bobby’s best wife?

Share your comments below and join other #DallasChat Daily discussions.