All Praise to the Creator: Remembering David Jacobs

Larry Hagman, Linda Gray

First couple

J.R. Ewing’s daddy was Jock Ewing, but his father was David Jacobs. In 1977, Jacobs, then a 38-year-old TV script editor, sat in front of a blank page and created “Dallas,” the series that would go on to change television forever. He once said it took him just three days to write the first episode, and even though his producing partner, Michael Filerman, gave “Dallas” its title, everything else sprang from the mind of David Jacobs — with a nod to influences like “Romeo & Juliet” and the 1957 big-screen potboiler “No Down Payment.” Isn’t it remarkable that the characters and concepts Jacobs conceived during the course of those 72 hours — J.R., Bobby, Sue Ellen, Southfork Ranch, Ewing Oil, the Barnes-Ewing feud — are still sustaining our imaginations, 45 years later?

Jacobs’ death last week at age 84 means the “Dallas” universe has lost its most critical figure. Yes, he left the series early in its run to focus on “Knots Landing,” the spinoff he also created. And yes, it ultimately took a company of talented writers, directors, actors and crew members to turn “Dallas” into the global phenomenon it became. But none of it would have happened if Jacobs hadn’t created the thing in the first place. It all starts with him.

In fact, it probably isn’t enough to say David Jacobs created “Dallas.” He also deserves some credit for the way stories are told on television today. Before the Ewings, prime time was dominated by static heroes whose exploits were entirely episodic: Each week, Mannix solved a new crime, Marcus Welby saved a new patient. Jacobs believed serialization — long the purview of daytime soap operas — could work in prime time, too. Likewise, he dared to populate “Dallas” with flawed, textured characters who were capable of evolution. It was a formula that would be replicated by shows like “Hill Street Blues” and “ER,” and later, “The Sopranos” and “Better Call Saul.”

David Jacobs

The creator

Jacobs was a visionary in other ways, too. In 1986, before “prequel” became a Hollywood term of art, Jacobs gave us “Dallas: The Early Years,” a three-hour chronicle of the origins of the Barnes-Ewing feud. Later, when “Knots Landing” went off the air in 1993, he was interviewed in TV Guide and talked about someday bringing the show and its core cast back for a sequel series. At the time, TV reunion movies were common, but no one was reviving shows on a weekly basis. Now look at the television landscape. Name a series that hasn’t been raised from the dead in one form or another.

By some accounts, it took Jacobs a while to feel proud of “Dallas.” Perhaps this has to do with the fact that, while he created the show, other people — most notably, producer Leonard Katzman — played a more direct role in shaping it. “Dallas” and “Knots Landing” were also kind of rivals during their heyday, with some fans of the spinoff asserting it was the superior show. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, of course, but I don’t think there’s any question “Dallas” has better withstood the test of time. After all, despite what Jacobs mused about in 1993, it was “Dallas,” not “Knots Landing,” that was ultimately revived as a weekly series.

As a kid, I grew up admiring producers like Jacobs and Katzman as much as I did actors like Larry Hagman and Linda Gray. I would see Jacobs’ name at the end of the “Dallas” opening credits each week, floating in the air as the camera soared over Southfork, and think: Who is this man? How did he create this show? What does that even mean? After my parents bought me a typewriter for my 10th birthday, I spent hours at the kitchen table, pecking out my own “Dallas” stories. I still didn’t really understand what David Jacobs did for a living, but I knew I wanted to be like him someday.

That never happened, but at least I got to interview him twice: once in the aftermath of Larry Hagman’s death, and again for my oral history of “Swan Song,” my favorite “Dallas” episode. He was kind and gracious each time we spoke, always full of insight and always willing to answer every question I had. During that first conversation, I thanked him for creating something that has meant so much to me and so many other fans, and he conceded that while “Dallas” was a “guilty pleasure” for him during its original run, he eventually came to appreciate the show. “‘Dallas’ became the model for all the continuing dramas that followed and are now dominant, so it really did change television in a very not-so-subtle, real way,” he said. “And I like that.”

So did we, Mr. Jacobs.

Share your comments below and read more opinions from Dallas Decoder.

In Memoriam: Our 2016 ‘Dallas’ Tributes

Barry Jenner, Dallas, George Kennedy, Jim Gough, Maj Hagman

Dallas Decoder remembers the “Dallas” actors, crew members and other contributors who died in 2016. Click on each person’s name to learn more about his or her career at IMDb.com.

 

Anthony Addabbo, Dallas, Jeff Peters

Anthony Addabbo

Anthony Addabbo

Died October 18 (age 56)

In the 14th-season episode “Smooth Operator,” Addabbo played John, a Hollywood wannabe who pitched Bobby on a TV series that sounded suspiciously like “Twin Peaks.” Eight episodes later, in the series finale “Conundrum,” Addabbo appeared as Sue Ellen’s slimy Hollywood agent, Jeff Peters.

 

Dallas, Janine, Patricia Barry

Patricia Barry

Patricia Barry

Died October 11 (age 93)

Barry made guest appearances on many episodic series from the 1950s through the early 2000s. In the 14th-season “Dallas” episode “Lock, Stock and Jock,” she played Janine, a married woman who refused to provide Carter McKay with an alibi after his arrest for Johnny Dancer’s murder.

 

Dallas, Peter Brown, Tom Flintoff

Peter Brown

Peter Brown

Died March 21 (age 80)

In the fifth-season episode “Denial,” Brown, a veteran of the 1960s western “Laredo,” played Tom Flintoff, the creep who tried to force himself on Sue Ellen shortly after her divorce from J.R. Brown’s nephew, Phillip Brown, played architect Brian Johnston on “Knots Landing.”

 

Dallas, Dr. McWright, Paul Comi,

Paul Comi

Paul Comi

Died August 26 (age 84)

Comi played Dr. McWright, the pediatrician who examined baby Christopher in “Waterloo at Southfork.” Comi logged many other TV guest shots during his 50-year career, including three episodes of “Knots Landing” and a memorable turn in the “Star Trek” classic “Balance of Terror.”

 

Dallas, Lydia, Ronnie Claire Edwards

Ronnie Claire Edwards

Ronnie Claire Edwards

Died June 14 (age 83)

Edwards, who is best known for her role as Corabeth on “The Waltons,” appeared in the eighth-season “Dallas” episode “Barbecue Five” as Lydia, the tarot card reader that Pam consults during her search for Mark. Edwards also did guest spots on “Falcon Crest” and “Dynasty,” among many other shows.

 

Knots Landing, Zsa Zsa Gabor

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Died December 18 (age 99)

Gabor played herself in “Svengali,” a 1982 “Knots Landing” episode in which Valene appears on Mike Douglas’s TV talk show to promote “Capricorn Crude,” her fictionalized book about the Ewings. In real life, Gabor and Larry Hagman once appeared together on a 1979 episode of “The Mike Douglas Show.”

 

Congressman Oates, Dallas, Jim Gough

Jim Gough

Jim Gough

Died June 7 (age 85)

Gough appeared on “Dallas” as Senator Lee in “Barbecue” (Season 1), Congressman Oates in “Runaway” (Season 2) and the rodeo announcer in “Close Encounters” (Season 9). His other notable credits include a role in the film “JFK” and a guest spot on the Leonard Katzman-produced “Walker Texas Ranger.”

 

Dallas, Rick F. Gunter

Rick F. Gunter

Rick F. Gunter

Died August 31 (age 65)

Gunter served as “Dallas’s” cinematographer during most of the original show’s final three seasons. He later served as director of photography for several other series, including “Beverly Hills 90210,” “Charmed” and “The Wizards of Waverly Place,” for which he received an Emmy nomination in 2011.

 

Dallas, Maj Hagman

Maj Hagman

Maj Hagman

Died May 31 (age 88)

Hagman was married to Larry Hagman from 1954 until his death in 2012. Their daughter Kristina appeared in several episodes on the original “Dallas” and this year wrote a book, “The Eternal Party,” about her family, including her mother’s talent as a fashion designer, hostess extraordinaire and devoted spouse.

 

Dallas, John Hostetter, Paul Derber

John Hostetter

John Hostetter

Died September 2 (age 69)

Hostetter appeared in the 11th-season episode “Lovers and Other Liars” as Paul Derber, a poker buddy of Nicholas Pearce. He also did two guest spots as police offers on “Knots Landing,” was a semi-regular on “Murphy Brown” and voiced Bazooka on the 1980s “G.I. Joe” animated series.

 

Barry Jenner, Dallas, Dr. Jerry Kenderson

Barry Jenner

Barry Jenner

Died August 9 (age 75)

From 1984 through 1986, Jenner appeared on “Dallas” as Dr. Jerry Kenderson, Mark Graison’s physician and a Sue Ellen’s suitor. He also appeared in four “Knots Landing” entries as Jeff Cunningham, Abby’s ex-husband, and he was a semi-regular on “Family Matters” and “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine,” among many other roles.

 

Carter McKay, Dallas, George Kennedy

George Kennedy

George Kennedy

Died February 28 (age 91)

Kennedy, who won a best supporting actor Oscar for his role in 1967’s “Cool Hand Luke,” played villainous oil baron and Southfork neighbor Carter McKay during “Dallas’s” 12th, 13th and 14th seasons and two reunion movies, “J.R. Returns” and “War of the Ewings.” Dallas Decoder published a tribute to him in March.

 

Archie Lang, Dallas

Archie Lang

Archie Lang

Died February 17 (age 95)

Lang played a banking associate of Franklin Horner in the fifth-season episode “The Big Shut Down,” then returned for a five-episode stint in the 13th season as Senator Lee, a member of the panel that investigated the Ewing Oil tanker accident. Lang’s other credits include guest spots on “Knots Landing” and “The Waltons.”

 

Dallas, Leslie H. Hartinson

Leslie H. Martinson

Leslie H. Martinson

Died September 3 (age 101)

Martinson directed four episodes during “Dallas’s” early years: the classic “Julie’s Return” and the campier “Call Girl,” “The Heiress” and “Power Play.” He also helmed episodes of many other series, including “Maverick,” “Batman,” “The Brady Bunch,” “Eight is Enough,” “Wonder Woman” and “Small Wonder.”

 

James Sheldon, Knots Landing

James Sheldon

James Sheldon

Died March 12 (age 95)

Sheldon directed two episodes of “Knots Landing,” including the second installment, “Community Spirit,” which featured Larry Hagman. His many other directing credits include “Echoes of Love,” a “Family” episode written by David Jacobs, and episodes of “M*A*S*H” and the Katzman-produced “Petrocelli.”

 

Agnes, Barbara Tarbuck, Dallas

Barbara Tarbuck

Barbara Tarbuck

Died December 27 (age 74)

Tarbuck played Agnes, Cliff’s secretary at the Office of Land Management, in three episodes during the 1978-79 season. Her many other credits include guest spots on “Knots Landing” and “Dynasty” and recurring roles on “Falcon Crest,” “General Hospital” and “American Horror Story: Asylum.”

 

What do you remember about these individuals? Share your memories below and read our tributes from 20152014 and 2013.

Dallas Decoder’s Summer Vacations Guide

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Slippery when wet

Planning to hit the road this summer? To have the happiest of holidays, let the Ewings be your guide.

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Julie Grey, Larry Hagman, Tina Louise

Lurid rendezvous

Mix business with pleasure. Experts say you should unplug from work when you’re on vacation, but don’t tell that to J.R. Ewing. Did this man ever take a break? Not only did J.R. pursue multi-million-dollar oil deals during his various honeymoons with Sue Ellen and Cally, he also routinely brought secretaries like Julie and Kristin with him on his out-of-town “business trips.” Hey, don’t knock it. Who else was going to take J.R.’s dictation when he was on the road?

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, Tyler Banks

Squatters

Save money on lodging. Tempted to splurge on fancy hotels when you travel? Don’t be; the Ewings rarely did. Sue Ellen and her bratty kid shacked up with the Farlows during their sojourn in San Angelo. Likewise, when Kristin went to California, she crashed at Gary and Val’s Knots Landing pad. Sure, she was a houseguest from hell — is it that hard to put the cap back on the toothpaste tube, Kristin? — but at least she enlivened that dead-end cul-de-sac by breaking up a few marriages.

April Ewing, Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duffy, Sheree J. Wilson

Hills alive

Remember: It’s a small world. Don’t be surprised if a familiar face or two shows up unexpectedly on your vacation. This happens to the Ewings all the time. Bobby and Pam ran into Gary at a convention in Las Vegas, Val encountered Gary and Abby during her book tour in Dallas, Ellie was surprised to spot Clayton during her visit to Galveston, and April popped in on Bobby during J.R. and Cally’s Austrian honeymoon. Hey, now that you mention it, what was Bobby doing there anyway?

Dack Rambo, Dallas, Jack Ewing, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Costume drama

When in Rome. … No matter where your travels take you, follow J.R.’s lead by blending in with the locals. For example, he got into the spirit of banana-republicanism by bribing officials in Cuba and Colombia. J.R. also played cowboy when he confronted B.D. Calhoun in Los Angeles, and he went all James Bond over Angelica Nero’s ass at the masquerade ball in Martinique. One wonders, though: When Angelica fired her gun, was she trying to shoot J.R. or the bird atop his head?

Dallas, Linda Gray, Pam Ewing, Sue Ellen Ewing, Victoria Principal

In plane sight

Get off the beaten path. Sure, you can vacation in an exotic locale, but if you want real relaxation, visit a medical facility. J.R. had a grand time when he checked himself into a mental ward, while Pam once hopped around the Caribbean, touring medical clinics. Pam also dragged Sue Ellen with her to a Hong Kong hospital, which Sue Ellen really liked — although probably not as much as the time she spent guzzling booze from a Scope bottle during her own sanitarium stay.

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duffy

Long goodbye

Be flexible. No matter how much you plan, things aren’t always going to go your way while traveling. The trick is learning to roll with the punches. Did Jock and J.R. mope around after those hillbillies ambushed them in Louisiana? Hell no! They used the occasion for some father/son bonding. Likewise, did Bobby rush home after April was killed during their Parisian honeymoon? Of course not. He hung around an extra week. (Maybe he had more sightseeing to do?)

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Pam Ewing, Patrick Duffy, Victoria Principal

Revolutionary road

Don’t forget the souvenirs! No trip is complete without something to remember it by. Sue Ellen returned from the Orient with a bunch of toys for John Ross. Donna was sporting a fur coat when she and Ray returned from their honeymoon in New York City. John Ross came home from his honeymoon in Tulun with an ugly statue. Of course, when it comes to vacation mementos, no one tops Bobby, who returned from his New Orleans trip with the most notable souvenir in “Dallas” history — a wife!

Bobby Ewing, Clayton Farlow, Dallas, Donna Reed, Howard Keel, Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow, Patrick Duffy

Slim shady

Never travel with Clayton Farlow. If you heed no other advice here, please don’t ignore this one. Clayton may look and act like a kindly grandpa, but take it from us: This dude is shady. How many times did he whisk Miss Ellie away on some mysterious extended vacation? After one trip, she came home with a completely different face! The worst offense came in the next-to-last season, when Clayton took Mama away yet again … and never brought her back. Sure hope she packed well.

Where are your favorite Ewing road trips? Share your memories in the comments section below and read more Dallas Decoder Guides.

How Would You Spin Off Bobby Ewing?

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duff, TNT

Spin, Bob, spin!

Would you watch a “Dallas” spinoff about Bobby Ewing?

It’s a question we’ve been pondering since last week, when fellow fan Jennifer Irons — a.k.a. Team Bobby Ewing — took to Twitter to suggest Patrick Duffy’s iconic character should get his own TV series.

Duffy’s response:

Who are we to leave our hero hanging? With tongue firmly planted in cheek, we offer three proposed spinoffs for our beloved Bobby:

MR. EWING GOES TO WASHINGTON

Logline: Bobby trades his big white house in Texas for the one at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. With help from Vice President Sue Ellen Ewing and Agriculture Secretary Ray Krebbs, he works each week to outsmart the nefarious Senate majority leader, Cliff Barnes.

EWING, TEXAS RANGER

Logline: After single-handedly defeating a Mexican drug cartel, Bobby ditches Southfork and begins a new career in law enforcement. His adventures take him across the Lone Star State and eventually lead him to a new love with a familiar face: District Attorney Alex Cahill (Sheree J. Wilson).

BOBBY’S LANDING

Logline: Bobby retires to Knots Landing, which he renames for himself. (He did build the place, after all.) His new Seaview Circle neighbors — including boozy brother Gary and nutty sister-in-law Val — make him feel right at home. But what happens when Abby, after realizing Bobby is the only Ewing brother she hasn’t slept with, decides to make him her latest conquest?

Now it’s your turn: What kind of spinoff would you create for Bobby Ewing? Share your ideas below and read more features from Dallas Decoder.

‘Dallas’ Memoriam: Honoring Those We Lost in 2015

Carl Hardesty, Dallas, Edgar Randolph, Fritz Longley, George Coe, Lorimar, Martin E. Brooks, Merv Adelson

Here’s Dallas Decoder’s annual tribute to the “Dallas” actors, crew members and other contributors who died during the past year. Notable deaths among the show’s extended family also are included. Click on each person’s name to learn more about his or her career at IMDb.com.

 

Dallas, Lorimar, Merv Adelson

Merv Adelson

Merv Adelson

Died September 8 (age 85)

Adelson co-founded Lorimar, the producer of “Dallas,” “Knots Landing” and dozens of other popular shows from the 1970s, ’80s and ’90s. The studio’s name was created by combining the name of Adelson’s ex-wife Lori with Palomar Airport, where he used to fly airplanes.

 

Dallas, Old Acquaintance, Richard Anthony

Richard Anthony

Richard Anthony

Died April 20 (age 77)

Anthony played a waiter in the 1978 classic “Old Acquaintance.” His other credits include the 1968 “Star Trek” episode “Spectre of the Gun.”

 

 

Dallas, Edgar Randolph, Martin E. Brooks

Martin E. Brooks

Martin E. Brooks

Died December 7 (age 90)

Brooks played Edgar Randolph — a Sam Culver protégé who was later blackmailed by J.R. — in 10 episodes from 1983 to 1984. Brooks, who is best known as Dr. Rudy Wells on “The Six Million Dollar Man” and “The Bionic Woman,” also appeared in three 1992 “Knots Landing” episodes.

 

Carl Hardesty, Dallas, John Carter

John Carter

John Carter

Died May 23 (age 87)

Carter played Carl Hardesty, J.R.’s go-to man for setting up dummy corporations, in four episodes between 1982 and 1986. He also played a doctor in a 1984 installment of “Knots Landing.” His other credits include nine “Falcon Crest” episodes.

 

Al Checco, Dallas, Ewing Blues

Al Checco

Al Checco

Died July 19 (age 93)

In “The Ewing Blues,” Checco played the man who delivered food to Cliff’s townhouse, noticed J.R.’s appearance on the TV show “Talk Time” and expressed admiration for him. Checcho made guest spots on many other shows, including “Bonanza,” “Kung Fu,” “Growing Pains” and “Scrubs.”

 

Dallas, General Fritz Longley, George Coe

George Coe

George Coe

Died July 18 (age 86)

Coe played Fritz Longley, the retired general who inspired J.R.’s Middle East misadventures, in two 10th-season episodes, “Pari Per Sue” and “Enigma.” Coe also appeared regularly on “Saturday Night Live” during its first season and later voiced a character on “Archer.”

 

Dallas, Diana Douglas, Dr. Suzanne Lacey, Letter

Diana Douglas

Diana Douglas

Died July 3 (age 92)

Douglas played Dr. Suzanne Lacey, the child psychologist who treats John Ross after the Southfork fire, in the seventh-season classic “The Letter.” Douglas, who was married to Kirk Douglas, also played the physician who treated Gary Ewing after his fall from the wagon at the end of “Knots Landing’s” first season.

 

Dallas, Jay Gerber, Rosemont, Southfork Wedding Jinx

Jay Gerber

Jay Gerber

Died October 2 (age 86)

Geber played Rosemont, a sanitarium patient, in the 13th-season episode “The Southfork Wedding Jinx.” His other credits include “Knots Landing,” “L.A. Law” and “Gilmore Girls.”

 

 

Dallas: The Early Years, Ed Porter, Geoffrey Lewis

Geoffrey Lewis

Geoffrey Lewis

Died April 7 (age 79)

Lewis played Ed Porter in “Dallas: The Early Years.” The character actor’s extensive credits also include the Clint Eastwood film “Every Which Way But Loose,” a regular role on the “Alice” spinoff “Flo” and nine episodes of “Falcon Crest.”

 

Dallas, Riobert Magruder

Robert Magruder

Robert Magruder

Died January 2 (age 85)

Magruder, a Texas-based actor, played various roles in four episodes between 1978 and 1984, including a stint as a doctor in the third-season “Whatever Happed to Baby John?” two-parter.

 

 

Dallas, Ewing vs. Ewing, Gordon Oas-Heim

Gordon Oas-Heim

Gordon Oas-Heim

Died June 5 (age 88)

Oas-Heim appears in the credits of the fourth-season episode “Ewing vs. Ewing,” although he isn’t readily visible. The actor’s other credits include “The New Monkees” and a guest spot on “Diff’rent Strokes.”

 

 

Betsy Palmer, Knots Landing

Betsy Palmer

Betsy Palmer

Died May 29 (age 88)

Palmer, who is best known for playing Jason Vorhees’ mother in “Friday the 13th,” portrayed Valene Ewing’s Aunt Ginny on “Knots Landing” from 1989 to 1990.

 

 

Dallas, George Probert

George Probert

George Probert

Died January 10 (age 87)

Probert worked as a “Dallas” music editor on 74 episodes from 1979 to 1982. He also worked on “Lost in Space” and “The Famous Adventures of Mr. Magoo” and was an accomplished jazz musician.

 

 

Dallas, Geoffrey Ryan

Geoffrey Ryan

Geoffrey Ryan

Died September 20 (age 62)

Ryan served as a Los Angeles location manager for “Dallas” from 1981 to 1983. He also worked on several other Lorimar series, including “Knots Landing,” “Berrenger’s,” “Guns of Paradise” and “Bodies of Evidence.”

 

Dallas, Gregory Walcott, Jim Redfield

Gregory Walcott

Gregory Walcott

Died March 20 (age 87)

In 1980, Walcott appeared in “Who Done It?” and the following episode, “Taste of Success,” as refinery owner Jim Redfield. Ten years later, he returned in the 13th-season episode “Tale of Two Cities” as Jebediah Joyce, the Coast Guard commander who investigated the Ewing Oil tanker disaster.

 

Alan Weeks, Dallas

Alan Weeks

Alan Weeks

Died October 10 (age 67)

Weeks did one-time guest spots on shows such as “Police Woman” and “Fame.” His last credited appearances were two 1991 episodes of “Dallas” — “Designing Women” and “S is For Seduction” — in which he played Thomas, the judge in Carter McKay’s murder trial.

 

What do you remember about these artists? Share your memories below and read our tributes from 2014 and 2013.

Critique: ‘Dallas’ Episode 194 — ‘Those Eyes’

Dallas, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, Those Eyes

Get a grip

In “Those Eyes,” the Ewings finally take off their blinders where Sue Ellen’s drinking is concerned. She lands in a detox ward at the beginning of the episode, and one by one, Miss Ellie, J.R. and the people who love her most come to realize how destructive her alcoholism has become. Sue Ellen realizes this too, although she remains powerless over her addiction. In a chilling scene, when Dusty visits her in the hospital, Sue Ellen begs him for a drink. “Oh, God, no, darling,” he says, explaining that more booze would kill her. Clutching his hands, she looks into his eyes and whispers, “Kill me.”

This is a moment of reckoning for Sue Ellen, and for “Dallas” itself. Too often, the writers have used Sue Ellen’s alcoholism as a crutch to lean on whenever the show needed something to complicate the character’s life. Witness Sue Ellen’s third-season relapse, which seemed to occur primarily so she’d have a reason to not remember her whereabouts during J.R.’s shooting. Now, in the ninth season, Sue Ellen’s drinking is no longer an afterthought — it’s one of the main storylines. By showing the character trembling her way through withdrawals, we have a better sense of what it means for her to be an addict. It’s much more meaningful than merely seeing her passed out in her bedroom next to an empty vodka bottle.

No one seems to appreciate this opportunity more than Linda Gray, whose performance here is nothing less than a tour de force. “Those Eyes” was filmed in an era when television actresses were eagerly shedding their glamorous wardrobes to demonstrate their acting bona fides — think of TV movie queens like Farrah Fawcett in “The Burning Bed” and Raquel Welch in “Right to Die” — but Gray goes further than any of her peers. She looks positively wasted in “Those Eyes,” wearing little makeup and allowing every hair to fall out of place. True to the episode’s title, Gray also uses her famously expressive eyes to draw the audience into her character’s fear and confusion, although nothing touches me more than the moment Dusty arrives at the hospital and Sue Ellen shields her face. It’s such a childlike gesture; as soon as I see it, my heart breaks.

Interestingly, Gray appears in just three scenes in this episode, which means we mostly see Sue Ellen’s descent through the eyes of the other Ewings. It begins when Miss Ellie bravely enters the detox ward and is horrified to discover the Jane Doe in bed No. 13 is her daughter-in-law. In the next scene, Ellie declares she wants to take Sue Ellen home — a typical reaction for the Ewings, who always believe they can handle problems on their own. The doctor forcefully explains that no one — not even the Ewing matriarch — is powerful enough to cure addiction. Later, Ellie tells J.R. he must help his wife. This isn’t unlike a scene that occurred between J.R. and his mother at the end of the second season, except the conversation in “Those Eyes” has an air of finality to it, as if the Ewings are taking her problem more seriously.

“Those Eyes” is one of the first “Dallas” scripts from Peter Dunne, a “Knots Landing” veteran who briefly replaced Leonard Katzman as the show’s behind-the-scenes creative force. The episode is a good example of the darker, more realistic tone Dunne brings to the ninth season. Think about it: One year before this episode aired, the Ewings were “coping” with Bobby’s post-shooting blindness, which miraculously cleared up after a few episodes. Sue Ellen’s struggle in “Those Eyes” feels a lot more grounded by comparison, don’t you think? Sure, there are still plenty of soapy moments, including J.R. and Dusty’s memorable fistfight at Sue Ellen’s bedside, and the camp factor isn’t muted completely. (How else to explain the screaming woman that Sue Ellen encounters on the floor of the jail cell?) For the most part, though, “Dallas” seems a little smarter now.

Dunne’s touch also can be felt in other areas of “Those Eyes,” including the scene where J.R. sweetly helps John Ross with his necktie and the subplot about Ray and Donna deciding to build a bigger house. The latter feels like another metaphor: Steve Kanaly and Susan Howard’s characters are growing as people, so why shouldn’t they have a bigger place to call home? I also like how this episode shows Ray and Jack becoming friends; as much as I love Patrick Duffy, Dack Rambo is doing a nice job filling some of blank spaces created by Bobby’s departure. Heck, I even find myself applauding Jenna’s decision in this episode to stick around Southfork. Maybe it’s because Priscilla Beaulieu Presley’s short bob makes her look more stylish than ever — or maybe it’s because the character no longer feels like a distraction now that one half of the Bobby/Pam coupling is gone — but “Those Eyes” actually makes Jenna seem tolerable.

If you find this revelation surprising, imagine how I feel. But what can I say? They don’t call this the dream season for nothing.

Grade: A

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Omri Katz, Those Eyes

Ties that bind

‘THOSE EYES’

Season 9, Episode 3

Airdate: October 4, 1985

Audience: 20.4 million homes, ranking 3rd in the weekly ratings

Writer: Peter Dunne

Director: Nick Havinga

Synopsis: After the police find Sue Ellen, Miss Ellie persuades J.R. to commit her to a sanitarium. J.R. and Jeremy each set their sights on Christopher’s share of Ewing Oil. Ray and Donna begin planning to build a bigger home. Jenna decides to stay at Southfork.

Cast: Barbara Bel Geddes (Miss Ellie Farlow), Fern Fitzgerald (Marilee Stone), Tony Garcia (Raoul), Linda Gray (Sue Ellen Ewing), Laurence Haddon (Franklin Horner), Larry Hagman (J.R. Ewing), Joshua Harris (Christopher Ewing), Jenilee Harrison (Jamie Barnes), Susan Howard (Donna Krebbs), Harlan Jordan (Sheriff Baldwin), Steve Kanaly (Ray Krebbs), Omri Katz (John Ross Ewing), Howard Keel (Clayton Farlow), Ken Kercheval (Cliff Barnes), Jared Martin (Dusty Farlow), Shalane McCall (Charlie Wade), Gary Moody (Doctor), George O. Petrie (Harv Smithfield), Priscilla Beaulieu Presley (Jenna Wade), Victoria Principal (Pam Ewing), Dack Rambo (Jack Ewing), Debbie Rennard (Sly), Sherril Lynn Rettino (Jackie), Deborah Shelton (Mandy Winger), William Smithers (Jeremy Wendell), Don Starr (Jordan Lee), Norma Young (Sanitarium manager)

“Those Eyes” is available on DVD and at Amazon and iTunes. Watch the episode and share your comments below.

Critique: ‘Dallas’ Episode 192 — ‘The Family Ewing’

Barbara Bel Geddes, Dallas, Family Ewing, Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow

Good grief

“The Family Ewing,” the first episode of “Dallas’s” ninth season, chronicles the immediate aftermath of Bobby’s death. Miss Ellie, sad but sturdy, tries to plan the funeral while holding her family together — a task complicated by J.R.’s anger, Sue Ellen’s drinking and lingering questions about why Bobby and Pam were together when he was killed. The pace is slower than usual, but this is one of the episode’s strengths. The show is giving the audience time to let the loss of Bobby sink in, allowing us to grieve alongside the characters. It’s another example of how “Dallas” makes us feel part of the world it creates.

Like “Swan Song,” the episode that kills off Patrick Duffy’s character, “The Family Ewing” offers a collection of scenes that became classics: John Ross comforting J.R. on the night Bobby dies; Pam trying to explain to Christopher why he’ll never see his daddy again; Ellie staking out Bobby’s burial plot near the tree house that Jock built him when he was a boy; the funeral itself, which culminates with J.R. gazing at Bobby’s casket, shedding a single tear and lamenting that he never told his brother how much he loved him. These moments were later wiped away by Pam’s dream, but that doesn’t make them any less moving now than when this episode debuted 30 years ago.

“The Family Ewing” isn’t altogether sentimental, of course. The first act gives us J.R.’s devastating takedown of Sue Ellen when she comes home, blissfully unaware that there’s been a death in the family. “You’re never around when anybody needs you. … All you ever think about is yourself,” he says. J.R. lashes out again when he runs into Ray and Gary, who has arrived from “Knots Landing” to attend the funeral. “I had one brother, and he’s dead. Nobody can ever replace him — least of all you two,” J.R. says. Both scenes are the “Dallas” equivalent of highway rubbernecking: We know Sue Ellen, Ray and Gary are all in for it, yet we dare not look away.

Significant Mother

Barbara Bel Geddes, Clayton Farlow, Dallas, Family Ewing, Howard Keel, Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow

Splendor in the grass

J.R.’s dark turn in this episode recalls the character’s earliest days, before he became a twinkly-eyed villain. Larry Hagman is unnervingly good, although my favorite performance here belongs to Barbara Bel Geddes, who returns to “Dallas” after a yearlong absence and reminds us all how much she’s been missed. Bel Geddes is so natural, I forget I’m watching an actress playing a role. Watch the scene where Clayton speaks to Ellie at the tree house. She talks fondly about raising Bobby, offering a soft chuckle when she remembers how he and Gary used to spend “hours and hours” in the tree house “doing I don’t know what.” (Hearing that line, it isn’t hard to imagine the Ewing brothers as kids, is it?) Moments later, after Clayton has mounted his horse to ride home, Ellie stands in the grass and begins to sob. You can feel her pain.

Ellie’s resiliency is equally touching. Consider the scene where she comes out of her bedroom and encounters Sue Ellen, who expresses her guilt about missing Bobby’s farewell. Ellie urges her daughter-in-law to deal with her drinking problem, which prompts Sue Ellen to insist she isn’t an alcoholic. This is when Bel Geddes puts her hands on Linda Gray’s shoulders, looks into her eyes and says, “Oh, Sue Ellen. Yes, you are.” Can you imagine Donna Reed delivering this line? As much as I appreciated Reed’s work on “Dallas” during the previous season, it’s thrilling to see Bel Geddes reclaim her role with such a stirring performance. When Mama takes the stick and jams it into the spot where she wants Bobby buried, it might as well be Bel Geddes marking her territory and reminding the world that “Dallas” is her show as much as anyone’s.

Exit Camelot

Dallas, Family Ewing, Pam Ewing, Victoria Principal

Widow theory

“The Family Ewing” isn’t without its share of curiosities. Was there no better way to end Dusty and Sue Ellen’s bar confrontation than by having him punch her in the face? And how does a single strike to the chin manage to render her unconscious? Also, when Gary calls Southfork, are you surprised that he doesn’t recognize Clayton’s voice? I always figured “Dallas” wanted us to believe Gary spoke to his family regularly, even if we didn’t see the conversations on screen. I guess that’s not the case. (Ted Shackelford’s character isn’t altogether out of the loop, though: He seems to know who Katherine Wentworth is, wondering how the fugitive villainess got to Dallas.) I also find it amusing that when the Ewings return home from the hospital at the beginning of the episode, the producers don’t even bother to put Ellie in a dress similar to the one Reed wore in her final scene in “Swan Song.” Even the colors are different.

This is the only choice by costume designer Travilla that deserves to be second-guessed, however. All the other outfits in this episode hit the mark — especially at the funeral, where Sue Ellen is dressed in a dark Valentino blouse and skirt (she’ll ruin both when she goes on a bender in the next episode) and Pam wears a black pillbox hat. I’ve always believed the latter was a conscious attempt to draw a parallel between Pam and Jackie Kennedy, a real-life heroine who cradled a dying husband in her arms. The comparison might raise eyebrows now, but when I think back to watching this episode as a kid, it really did feel like another Camelot had ended.

Grade: A+

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dallas, Family Ewing, John Ross Ewing, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Omri Katz

Mourning son

‘THE FAMILY EWING’

Season 9, Episode 1

Airdate: September 27, 1985

Audience: 20.5 million homes, ranking 7th in the weekly ratings

Writer: Leonard Katzman

Director: Nick Havinga

Synopsis: The Ewings bury Bobby. Dusty tries to help Sue Ellen, whose drinking problem worsens. Ray and Donna reconcile. Pam doesn’t tell Miss Ellie that she and Bobby were planning to get together before he was killed.

Cast: Barbara Bel Geddes (Miss Ellie Farlow), Dolores Cantu (Doris), Linda Gray (Sue Ellen Ewing), Larry Hagman (J.R. Ewing), Joshua Harris (Christopher Ewing), Jenilee Harrison (Jamie Ewing), Susan Howard (Donna Krebbs), Steve Kanaly (Ray Krebbs), Omri Katz (John Ross Ewing), Howard Keel (Clayton Farlow), Ken Kercheval (Cliff Barnes), Jared Martin (Dusty Farlow), Shalane McCall (Charlie Wade), George O. Petrie (Harv Smithfield), Priscilla Beaulieu Presley (Jenna Wade), Victoria Principal (Pam Ewing), Dack Rambo (Jack Ewing), Ted Shackelford (Gary Ewing), Deborah Tranelli (Phyllis), John Zaremba (Dr. Harlan Danvers)

“The Family Ewing” is available on DVD and at Amazon and iTunes. Watch the episode and share your comments below.

‘Dallas’ 2014: Remembering Those We Lost

Dallas, Denny Miller, Ed Nelson, Michael Filerman, Russell Johnson

Several people who contributed to “Dallas” died during the past 12 months. Here’s a list of those we lost, along with notable deaths that occurred among the show’s extended family. Click on each person’s name to learn more about his or her career at IMDb.com.

 

James Avery

James Avery

James Avery

December 31, 2013 (age 68)

Avery, who is best known as Uncle Phil on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” played Fowler, the judge who allowed Bobby to keep Christopher in the 11th–season episode “Malice in Dallas.”

 

 

Jerry Biggs

Jerry Biggs

Jerry Biggs

Died March 30 (age 63)

Biggs appeared in bit parts in three episodes between 1982 and 1986, including playing a customer who flirted with Lucy at the Hot Biscuit in the eighth-season episode “Family.”

 

 

Lew Brown

Lew Brown

Lew Brown

Died July 27 (age 89)

Brown played Clarence, a Ewing Oil employee, in the seventh-season episode “My Brother’s Keeper.” He returned for two 10th-season episodes as Harrigan, a newspaperman who exposed J.R.’s connection to B.D. Calhoun.

 

 

Robert Cawley

Robert Cawley

Robert Cawley

Died June 23 (age 85)

Cawley played an instructor at the ice-skating rink where Bobby and Christopher met Lisa Alden in “Tough Love,” an 11th-season episode. He also played an oil field worker in the 1998 “Dallas” reunion movie, “War of the Ewings.”

 

 

Vince Davis

Vince Davis

Vince Davis

Died May 23 (age 59)

Davis played one of Sue Ellen’s business advisors in the 10th-season episode “Once and Future King” and a waiter who served J.R. and Wilson and Kimberly Cryder in “Hustling,” an 11th-season entry.

 

 

Michael Filerman

Michael Filerman

Michael Filerman

Died January 25 (age 75)

Filerman, “Dallas’s” executive program supervisor in 1978, later served as executive producer of “Knots Landing,” “Falcon Crest,” “Flamingo Road,” “Sisters” and other prime-time serials.

 

 

Med Flory

Med Flory

Med Flory

Died March 12 (age 87)

In the third-season episode “The Lost Child,” Flory played private eye Cal McBride, who J.R. hired to follow Sue Ellen when she began secretly seeing Dr. Elby. Other credits include “Lassie” and “Daniel Boone.”

 

 

Stefan Gierasch

Stefan Gierasch

Stefan Gierasch

Died September 6 (age 88)

Gierasch played Ben Masters, the storekeeper who helped Tom Owens seek revenge against Jock in the third-season classic “The Dove Hunt.” Other credits include a 1992 episode of “Knots Landing.”

 

 

Michael A. Hoey

Michael A. Hoey

Michael A. Hoey

Died August 17 (age 79)

Hoey directed “Missing,” a ninth-season episode, along with multiple episodes of “Falcon Crest” and “Fame.” He later produced several Primetime Creative Arts Emmy broadcasts.

 

 

Russell Johnson

Russell Johnson

Russell Johnson

Died January 16 (age 89)

Johnson, the Professor on “Gilligan’s Island,” played Sheriff Wyatt Mansfield in the ninth-season episode “Twenty-Four Hours.” Other credits include “Vanished,” a 1971 TV movie with Larry Hagman, Jim Davis and Denny Miller.

 

 

Dennis Lipscomb

Dennis Lipscomb

Dennis Lipscomb

Died July 30 (age 72)

Lipscomb played Nelson Harding, an IRS agent who helped J.R. pressure the Ewings to declare Jock dead, in the sixth-season episode “Billion Dollar Question.” His later credits include episodes of “ER” and “The X-Files.”

 

 

Ann Marcus

Ann Marcus

Ann Marcus

Died December 3 (age 93)

Marcus, a writer on “Peyton Place,” helped revitalize “Knots Landing” during its next-to-last season and co-wrote “Knots Landing: Back to the Cul-de-Sac” with “Dallas” scribe Lisa Seidman.

 

 

Frank Marth

Frank Marth

Frank Marth

Died January 12 (age 91)

Marth played Dr. Sidney Grovner, Lucy’s physician, in “Billion Dollar Question.” He also played doctors on “Starsky & Hutch,” “The Six Million Dollar Man” and “Aloha Means Goodbye,” a 1974 TV movie.

 

 

Denny Miller

Denny Miller

Denny Miller

Died September 9 (age 80)

Miller, a star of “Wagon Train,” played Max Flowers, Cliff’s foreman at Gold Canyon 340, in four episodes during the seventh season. Miller and Hagman also did episodes of “The Rockford Files” and “Barnaby Jones” together.

 

 

Ed Nelson

Ed Nelson

Ed Nelson

Died August 9 (age 85)

“Peyton Place” star Nelson originated the role of Jeb Amos in the second-season classic “Bypass.” Nelson and “Dallas” producer Leonard Katzman also worked together on a 1955 film, “New Orleans Uncensored.”

 

 

Byron Weiss

Byron Weiss

Byron Weiss

Died March 14 (age 51)

Weiss performed stunts for “War of the Ewings” and two TNT episodes, “Blame Game” and “Guilt By Association.” He also worked on Jesse Metcalfe’s 2010 series, “Chase,” and the Katzman-produced “Walker, Texas Ranger.”

 

 

What do you remember about these artists? Share your memories below and read last year’s tributes.

The Dal-List: Classic ‘Dallas’s’ 13 Most Harrowing Kidnappings

Ann Ewing, Boxed In, Brenda Strong, Dallas, Emma Bell, Emma Ryland, TNT

Your turn, Annie

The Ewings discover Ann and Emma (Brenda Strong, Emma Bell) have been kidnapped in “Boxed In,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode. Fortunately, our favorite TV family has plenty of experience dealing with this kind of thing. Here’s a look at the 13 most harrowing kidnappings from the original series.

Charlene Tilton, Dallas, Greg Evigan, Lucy Ewing, Willie Gust

Far out!

13. Lucy (1978). When the Ewings refused to let Valene come to Lucy’s birthday party, Lucy ran away from Southfork and hitched a ride with Willie Gust (Greg Evigan) — and who can blame her? Willie had the tightest jeans, the most feathery hair and the grooviest custom van in Texas, right down to the wall-to-wall fake-fur carpeting. Too bad Willie was also a lunatic who ended up taking Lucy (Charlene Tilton) on a cross-Texas crime spree. Bobby rescued her, of course, but we never found out what happened to Willie. Was he really as psychotic as he seemed? Or were those jeans merely cutting off the circulation to his brain?

Dallas, John Ross Ewing

J.R. Duncan

12. John Ross (1979). Hey, remember when Sue Ellen nipped a little too much from her “special bottle” of Scope, escaped from the sanitarium, wrecked her car and gave birth to John Ross? And remember how Priscilla Duncan (Sheila Larken) quietly snatched the baby from the hospital? And then remember how happy we all were when Pam figured out what happened and reunited J.R. and Sue Ellen with their son? Well, hindsight being what it is, am I the only one who now thinks John Ross might have been better off with Ms. Duncan? Sure, she was nuts, but think of all the daddy issues the kid would’ve avoided.

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Who shut up J.R.?

11. J.R. Ex-mobster Joseph Lombardi wanted answers when his son Nick Pearce plunged to his death after tussling with J.R. (Larry Hagman) on a high-rise balcony, so Lombardi sent his goons after our hero. They bound and gagged J.R. and brought him to a cheap motel, where Lombardi grilled him about the night Nick died. J.R. insisted it was all an accident — and fortunately Sue Ellen confirmed his account, prompting Lombardi to release him. It was cool to see Hagman act opposite the great Joseph Campanella, and we have to give Lombardi props for stand up to ol’ J.R. But would I want to see him kidnapped again? Fahgettaboudit.

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duffy

Cuff him if you can

10. Bobby. “Dallas” has given us a lot of credibility-stretching storylines over the years (cough, cough Haleyville), but you know what I’ll never believe? I’ll never believe that Bobby James Ewing (Patrick Duffy) — that strapping, hunk of Grade A Texas beefcake — could be outmuscled by the clowns who kidnapped him during the middle of the show’s second season. For goodness sakes, Bobby is the kind of guy who can take on a barroom full of drunk cowboys and walk away without a scratch. The only thing more ridiculous than seeing him abducted is seeing the Ewings turn to Cliff Barnes to rescue him!

Dallas, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing

Darlin’ detained

9. Sue Ellen. Oh, for the love of Pete. Sue Ellen, what have you gone and done now? Did you really allow that creep B.D. Calhoun to slip you a mickey so he could photograph himself with you and send the pictures to J.R.? Didn’t you learn not to trust strange men during Pam’s dream the previous season? Actually, even though Sue Ellen should have known better, this subplot marked the beginning of a turning point in her marriage: Once J.R. vanquished Calhoun, he felt so bad about what happened to his family, he finally kicked that Winger tramp to the curb. Hmmm. On second thought, maybe Sue Ellen knew what she was doing all along.

Dallas, Pam Ewing, Victoria Principal

Welcome to the jungle

8. Pam. When an old back injury flared up during “Dallas’s” ninth season, Victoria Principal took a break from the show, leaving the writers scrambling to explain her absence. Their solution? Have Pam kidnapped by jungle mercenaries, of course! The subplot proves surprisingly effective, especially when we see Cliff’s determination to rescue his sister. (Their reunion after the bad guys release her is one of many great scenes between Principal and Ken Kercheval.) Looking back, I can’t help but wonder: Why couldn’t “Dallas” come up with a good storyline to explain Principal’s absence when she left the show for good two years later?

Dallas, Daniel Pilon, Jenna Wade, Priscilla Beaulieu Presley

Take her. Please.

7. Jenna. When Jenna (Priscilla Beaulieu Presley) fled Dallas on the day she was supposed to marry Bobby, she left behind a note that explained she had fallen in love with someone else and was running away. Except that wasn’t true: Jenna’s ex Renaldo Marchetta (Daniel Pilon) had kidnapped her and forced her to pen the letter to throw the Ewings off their trail. When this storyline aired during the winter and spring of 1985, I spent weeks on the edge of my seat, anxious to see how it would turn out. Little did I know things would end on such a tragic note, when Dreadful Jenna™ returned to Southfork. Oh, the humanity!

B.D. Calhoun, Dallas, Hunter von Leer, John Ross Ewing, Omri Katz

Captive audience

6. John Ross (1986). Here we go again. After B.D. Calhoun (Hunter von Leer) kidnapped and released Sue Ellen, he set his sights on John Ross (Omri Katz), J.R. and Sue Ellen’s son. Calhoun snatched the kid from a hotel pool in Los Angeles, where J.R. and Bobby sent their wives and boys to protect them from the threat Calhoun posed. The crazed mercenary forced little John Ross to make a hostage tape, which turned Sue Ellen into a blubbering mess when she watched it. Fear not, honey: The Ewing brothers eventually rescued John Ross, who would grow up to star alongside Emma Ryland in a much different kind of video.

Charlene Tilton, Dallas, Lucy Ewing

Gagged, reeling

5. Lucy (1982). Well, what do you know? Lucy’s been kidnapped yet again. This time, the culprit is Roger Larson, the photographer who helped turn her into Texas’s tiniest top model. Unlike most of the other kidnappings on this list, Roger didn’t abduct Lucy for ransom or revenge — he was obsessed with her. He kept the Ewing heiress locked in a room plastered with the pictures he took of her. (Do stalkers do this in real life, or only on TV?) Bobby and Pam eventually rescued Lucy, but not before Pam told off Roger in one of Principal’s best scenes. Gee, like Sue Ellen, maybe Lucy should’ve gotten kidnapped more often too.

Joan Van Ark, Knots Landing, Valene Ewing

Feet first

4. Lucy (Early 1960s). Lucy’s first kidnapping is an integral part of “Dallas” lore. It’s mentioned in the first episode, when Lucy recalls how J.R.’s “old boys” snatched her from Valene’s arms when she was a baby and brought her to Southfork to be raised by Jock and Miss Ellie. We finally saw the kidnapping in a “Knots Landing” flashback, where we learned the ugly mess probably could’ve been prevented: No, I’m not referring to the fact that Lillimae refused to let Val (Joan Van Ark) into her shack when J.R.’s henchmen were chasing her. I’m talking about the fact Val was barefoot when she was trying to outrun them. Good grief, Val. Buy some shoes.

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, Tyler Banks

Carry on

3. John Ross (1981). When Sue Ellen and John Ross went to live at the Southern Cross, J.R. was determined to get his boy back. He saw an opportunity when Sue Ellen took the child with her to Kristin’s funeral in New Mexico. Mother and son were gliding through a Love Field terminal when two of J.R.’s thugs approached. While one man distracted Sue Ellen, the other snatched the child. Suddenly, Dusty Farlow and a trio of Southern Cross cowboys swarmed the dude holding John Ross. “Give us the boy,” Dusty demanded — and of course the guy did. This might have been “Dallas’s” briefest abduction, but wasn’t it exciting!

Barbara Bel Geddes, Dallas, Miss Ellie Ewing

Trunk show

2. Miss Ellie. Look everybody, Donna’s here! What’s wrong, Donna? You seem upset. What’s that, you say? Jessica called Dusty and told him Clayton’s wedding to Miss Ellie (Barbara Bel Geddes) is off? And then Jessica knocked you out with the phone? And then she stole your car? And then she took Mama?! Geez, Donna, couldn’t you have given us that last bit of information first? No matter. Between Susan Howard’s pained delivery and Richard Lewis Warren’s tension-building score, the scene where the Ewings discover Mama has been abducted by loony tune Jessica is positively thrilling — even if Donna did bury the lede.

April Ewing, Dallas, Sheree J. Wilson

Grand theft auto

1. April. Every abduction on this list ends happily for the victim — except this one. The original “Dallas” kicked off its final season with the kidnapping of April (Sheree J. Wilson) during her Parisian honeymoon with Bobby. The storyline was a little complicated — the culprit was Hillary Taylor (Susan Lucci), a mystery woman who took April so she could assume her identity and make a big speech at an OPEC conference — and yet it was also a dramatic thrill ride. Fans expected Bobby to get his bride back by the time all was said and done — and so imagine our surprise when she was gunned down at the conference. It was a hell of a way to start the original show’s last season, telegraphing to the audience that this would be the year anything could happen on “Dallas” — and damn near did.

Which kidnapping did you find most harrowing on “Dallas”? Share your thoughts below and read more “Dal-Lists.”

The Dal-List: Classic ‘Dallas’s’ 8 Southfork Weddings, Ranked

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, Julie Gonzalo, Lifting the Veil, Pamela Rebecca Barnes Ewing, TNT

The tradition continues

John Ross and Pamela (Josh Henderson, Julie Gonzalo) eloped on “Dallas” last season, but they’ll get a traditional Southfork wedding in “Lifting the Veil,” TNT’s latest episode. Here’s a list of the eight Southfork weddings seen on the original show, ranked in order of preference. (Also, check out my recent list of all the Ewings who had multiple weddings, including ceremonies that occurred off-camera.)

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Patrick Duffy

Wrong way, Bob

8. Bobby Ewing and Jenna Wade (1984). Yes, I know. Bobby and Jenna never got married. But they did have a Southfork wedding; she never bothered to show up. I suppose I should cut Jenna some slack since the reason she skipped out on the ceremony was because her slimy ex-husband, Renaldo Marchetta, kidnapped her and forced her to remarry him instead … but I say nuts to that! I don’t care if Naldo was holding a gun to Jenna’s head; how could she leave Bobby (Patrick Duffy) standing at the altar — especially when he looked so darned handsome in his gray morning coat and striped pants? The ceremony ended with Ray apologizing to the crowd after Bobby dashed off to find his runaway bride. Am I the only one who wishes he hadn’t located her?

Bobby Ewing, Charlene Tilton, Charlie Wade, Clayton Farlow, Dallas, Donna Krebbs, Donna Reed, Howard Keel, Jenna Wade, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Linda Gray, Leigh McCloskey, Lucy Ewing, Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow, Dr. Mitch Cooper, Patrick Duffy, Priscilla Beaulieu Presley, Omri Katz, Ray Krebbs, Shalane McCall, Steve Kanaly, Sue Ellen Ewing, Susan Howard

Standing room only

7. Lucy Ewing and Mitch Cooper (1985). Lucy and Mitch’s second wedding was not nearly as grand as their first. It took place in the Southfork living room, which is probably better than the driveway, but nonetheless required the cast to squeeze into what looked like pretty tight quarters. This was Charlene Tilton’s final “Dallas” appearance for a while — the Coopers moved to Atlanta after the ceremony — and it was nice to see everyone give Lucy such a warm sendoff. Even J.R. got sentimental, telling his least-favorite niece, “Lucy, I never thought I’d say this, but I’m really going to miss you, honey. It won’t be the same without you to fight with.” The best part, though: The ceremony inspired Bobby to dump Jenna and go back to Pam. Karma’s a bitch, darlin’.

Barbara Bel Geddes, Bobby Ewing, Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Miss Ellie Ewing, Patrick Duffy

Mama’s boys

6. Miss Ellie Ewing and Clayton Farlow (1984). Ellie and Clayton had the healthiest marriage Southfork has ever seen — yes, even healthier than the one she had with Jock — and I’m sure they had a perfectly lovely wedding, but we don’t really know since “Dallas” never showed us the big event. We only saw Mama (Barbara Bel Geddes), looking so pretty in her purple suit, as she came down the stairs and joined Bobby and J.R. (Larry Hagman), who were supposed to walk her down the aisle. And then … cut to commercial! No shot of the crowd, no exchange of vows, no scenes of J.R. biting his tongue when the minister asked if anyone had objections. To make matters worse, when Ellie got back from her honeymoon, she looked like Donna Reed. (Nice lady, but not our Mama.)

April Stevens Ewing, Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duffy, Sheree J. Wilson

Welcome to the jungle

5. Bobby Ewing and April Stevens (1990). Here’s a ceremony I wish we hadn’t seen — not because I don’t like Bobby and April (Sheree J. Wilson) as a couple, but because the producers filmed their wedding on a soundstage instead of the “real” Southfork. The result: It’s like the Ewings have landed on one of the fake-looking planets the Enterprise crew used to visit on “Star Trek.” I mean, check out this picture. Why does Southfork look like a jungle? It was nice to see all the pre-wedding festivities, though, including Bobby’s bachelor party at the Oil Baron’s Club and April’s bridal shower in the Southfork living room. Although I can’t help but wonder: Why was the guest list at April’s shower dominated by Bobby’s family and the Ewing Oil secretaries? Didn’t the poor girl have any friends of her own?

Oh, what now?

Oh, what now?

4. Bobby and Pam Ewing (1986). Right before these nuptials began, tipsy Ray blabbed the big secret that Jenna was pregnant with Bobby’s child, which almost made Pam call the whole thing off. (Must Jenna ruin everything?) But then the ceremony began, and it was a hoot: As Cliff escorted Pam down the aisle, he warned her that she was “walking straight into hell.” Meanwhile, when best man J.R. reminded Bobby that it wasn’t too late to change his mind, Bobby threatened to kick J.R.’s butt, prompting the minister to shush them both. The best part: During the vows, we saw flashbacks to Bobby and Pam’s first ceremony, which occurred off-camera in 1978. Sure, the show muffed some details — Duffy’s jacket and Victoria Principal’s hair were all wrong — but it was still a nice touch.

Dallas, J. Eddie Peck, Tommy McKay

Something blue

3. J.R. Ewing and Cally Harper (1989). This wedding was absolutely nuts, which is why I loved it. As soon as J.R. and Cally said “I do,” a big storm swept over Southfork, forcing everyone to spend the night at the ranch. Sue Ellen took the room across the hall from the newlyweds, Cliff bunked on the sofa, Carter McKay raided the refrigerator in the middle of the night and Lucy ran around filming everything with a camcorder that was as big as her. The most insane moment of all: Shirtless wacko Tommy McKay (played by the gloriously named J. Eddie Peck) — tried to put the moves on April — in little John Ross’s bedroom, no less! — and when she rebuffed him, he burst onto the balcony, smashed a bottle of booze against the wall and started screaming in the rain. I guess that was one way to cool off.

Charlene Tilton, Dallas, Lucy Ewing

Altar girl

2. Lucy Ewing and Mitch Cooper (1981). The first Southfork wedding seen on “Dallas” was also filmed on the soundstage, so the show staged the ceremony on the driveway set since, you know, there was no lawn. Otherwise, the producers spared no expense, even bringing in Gary and Val, Lucy’s deadbeat parents from “Knots Landing,” to witness the nuptials. In fact, there were so many extras on the dance floor, I was afraid they were going to waltz right over Sue Ellen, who sat around flirting with snoozetastic Clint Ogden. I also loved when Jock and his sons ducked into the living room to conduct a little business on Lucy’s wedding day (shades of “The Godfather”), although the best part of all came when J.R. and Afton snuck off during the reception to have sex — in the bed he shared with Sue Ellen!

Cliff Barnes, Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Back off, Barnes!

1. J.R. and Sue Ellen Ewing (1982). Now this is everything a Southfork wedding should be. One year after J.R. and Sue Ellen were divorced, they got hitched again because, you know, why not? The wedding was so big, it couldn’t be contained to a single episode: Part 1 ended with the minister asking if anyone had objections to the couple’s remarriage, and even though everyone should’ve stood up, the only person who did was Cliff (Ken Kercheval). So did he interrupt the nuptials? Nah. At the beginning of Part 2, we realized he was just stretching his legs. The ceremony continued and then it was on to the reception, which was ruined when J.R. and Cliff started a brawl that began on the dance floor and ended in the swimming pool. Perfect! The only thing that would’ve made this more fun was if Jenna had gotten dunked too. (Oh, quit your moaning. You know she deserved it.)

What’s your favorite “Dallas” wedding? Share your comments below and read more “Dal-Lists.”