Dallas Scene of the Day: ‘Are We Going to Cap Her Teeth?’

Cruel and unusual

In “Shadow of a Doubt,” an eighth-season “Dallas” episode, J.R. (Larry Hagman) comes home and begins fixing a drink in the living room as Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) comes down the stairs.

SUE ELLEN: Good evening. I’ve been waiting for you to come home.

J.R.: Well, I guess so. It’s like a morgue in here.

SUE ELLEN: Well, it is a little quiet with Miss Ellie and Clayton gone, and Pam and Lucy doing whatever she’s doing lately. She hardly comes out of her room at night.

J.R.: Well, it’ll never be like it was in the old days when everybody at the table was a Ewing. We got Farlows and Krebbs and well, even Lucy’s a Cooper still I guess, isn’t she? [Sue Ellen nods.] Yeah, it’s just you and me and Bobby left, that’s all. [Sips his drink]

SUE ELLEN: There is one more Ewing.

J.R.: What, John Ross? Well, I don’t count him as a Ewing yet.

SUE ELLEN: Well, I was thinking about Jamie.

J.R.: You don’t think I consider her a Ewing, do you?

SUE ELLEN: What I was about to say is that she and I went shopping today and we have a little surprise for you.

J.R.: She’s going back to Alaska?

SUE ELLEN: Stop that.

J.R.: [Chuckles] I’m just teasing, honey.

SUE ELLEN: Come on.

J.R.: All right, what is this surprise?

She takes him by the hand and leads him to the foyer. Jamie (Jenilee Harrison) comes down the stairs, dressed to the nines.

SUE ELLEN: Isn’t she beautiful?

J.R.: Well, it’s amazing what a few thousand dollars can do, isn’t it?

SUE ELLEN: Oh, J.R., what a terrible thing to say.

J.R.: Really? Well, what’s next? Are we going to cap her teeth?

JAMIE: There’s nothing wrong with my teeth.

J.R.: Well, I guess not. You’re sure taking a big enough bite out of the Ewing apple.

JAMIE: You know, I didn’t ask for any of this.

J.R.: Well, I know how hard it must have been for Sue Ellen to convince you to take it.

SUE ELLEN: As a matter of fact, it was.

J.R.: Well, congratulations, young lady, on finding yourself a real nice home.

JAMIE: You know, you’re really something. No wonder my daddy didn’t want to have anything to do with you.

J.R.: Well, it’s a shame you’re not more like him. [Jamie runs upstairs.] Now don’t go away mad.

SUE ELLEN: How can you be so cruel?

J.R.: Not cruel. Suspicious.

SUE ELLEN: I thought you had changed. But I still see a lot of the old J.R. — the one I hated.

He enters the dining room and takes a seat as Teresa (Roseanna Christiansen) enters.

TERESA: Will you be eating alone?

J.R.: Yeah, it seems like it, doesn’t it?

Watch this scene in “Shadow of a Doubt,” available on DVD and at Amazon and iTunes, and share your comments below.