Things Ewings Say

Things Ewings Say copy

Don’t darlin’ her either

J.R. isn’t the only sharp-tongued Ewing on TNT’s “Dallas.” To help you prepare for tomorrow’s telecast of “Revelations,” the first-season finale, we offer this review of memorable lines from other characters.

• “Count your blessings, Christopher. Those two old geezers would still find a reason to fight.”

Lucy (Charlene Tilton), after her cousin announces J.R. and Cliff won’t be able to attend his wedding in “Changing of the Guard”

• “We ain’t family, bro.”

John Ross (Josh Henderson) to Christopher in “Hedging Your Bets”

• “OK, can we just go bake something?”

Rebecca (Julie Gonzalo), after failing to hit the target during shooting practice with Ann in “The Price You Pay”

• “Hair loss isn’t one of them, right?”

Bobby (Patrick Duffy), upon hearing his new medication has side effects in “The Price You Pay”

• “You got your daddy’s charm. Let’s hope you didn’t get his morals.”

Miss Henderson (Margaret Bowman), responding to John Ross’s sweet talk in “The Last Hurrah”

“He was dyslexic, not stupid.”

Elena (Jordana Brewster), responding to J.R.’s quip about John Ross’s childhood aversion to reading, in “The Last Hurrah”

“I know all the things Daddy used to say.”

Bobby, after J.R. quotes Jock for the umpteenth time, in “Truth and Consequences”

“I like your husband. And I always thought his brother was a prick.”

Harris (Mitch Pileggi), agreeing to Ann’s request to help Bobby by cancelling his contract with J.R. in “Truth and Consequences”

• “The people in Texas are way too friendly. It tries my nerves.”

Tommy (Callard Harris) in “The Enemy of My Enemy”

• “What now?”

John Ross, after Bobby and Christopher enter his room in “The Enemy of My Enemy”

“I’m sorry I threw up in your bathroom.”

Rebecca to Elena in “Collateral Damage”

“The first thing I thought was, ‘Yep, he’s his mama’s son.’”

Lucy, recalling the time she found John Ross drunk after he broke into the Southfork liquor cabinet as a child, in “Collateral Damage”

• “You’ve been writing more prescriptions than Michael Jackson’s doctor – which is odd, since all of your patients are dead.”

Sue Ellen (Linda Gray), blackmailing a medical examiner in “No Good Deed”

“If I catch you anywhere near Bobby’s room, I’ll shoot you. And since you have no heart, it’ll be somewhere more vital.”

Ann (Brenda Strong), chasing J.R. away from her ill husband in “Family Business”

What’s your favorite quote from “Dallas’s” first season? Share your choices below and read more features from Dallas Decoder.

Things Ewings Say (J.R. Edition)

Things Ewings Say (J.R. Edition) copy

Bullet-proof

If the first season of TNT’s “Dallas” taught us anything, it’s this: J.R. Ewing (Larry Hagman) still has a way with words. With “Revelations,” the eagerly awaited season finale two days away, here’s a look back at some of his best lines.

• “Son, the courts are for amateurs and the faint of heart.”

Responding to John Ross’s suggestion that he could win a legal fight with Bobby in “Changing of the Guard”

• “Son, never pass up a good chance to shut up.”

Imparting more wisdom to John Ross in “Hedging Your Bets”

• “I hate to hit a man below the belt, but you know I will.”

Threatening Mitch Lobell in “Hedging Your Bets”

• “Time has not been kind to that face.”

Upon seeing Cliff Barnes for the first time in many years in “The Price You Pay”

• “Bullets don’t seem to have much an effect on me, darlin’.”

Greeting a shotgun-wielding Ann in “The Price You Pay”

• “I’m going to tell you the truest thing my daddy ever told me: Nobody gives you power. Real power is something you take.”

Quoting Jock to John Ross in “The Price You Pay”

• “Those people are not passing away because of old age. They’re trying to get away from the food.”

Describing the culinary options at his nursing home in “The Price You Pay”

• “That Mexican girl?”

Describing Elena in “The Last Hurrah”

• “Our girl is crazier than an outhouse rat.”

Describing Marta in “The Last Hurrah”

• “Are you really going to break bread with this lowlife?”

Upon learning Sue Ellen plans to have lunch with Cliff in “The Last Hurrah”

• “Well what fun would I get out of telling you that?”

His response when John Ross asks where he’s going in “Truth and Consequences”

• “For a chance to make money from me, Cliff Barnes would push his mama in a puddle of piranhas.”

Assessing his chances of joining Cliff’s high-stakes poker game in “The Enemy of My Enemy”

• “A cheated man is a dangerous man. Just ask my son.”

Describing Frank Ashkani in “Collateral Damage”

• “OK, I admit, I have lapses where I do wrong now and then.”

Offering Bobby the understatement of a lifetime in “Family Business”

What’s your favorite J.R. quote from “Dallas’s” first season? Share your choices below and read more features from Dallas Decoder.

Drill Bits: ‘Dallas’ Girds for an Olympics Onslaught

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He survived jail. What about the Olympics?

TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode, “No Good Deed,” was seen by 3.3 million viewers on July 25. The audience included about 895,000 viewers between the ages of 18 and 49, the demographic advertisers pay a premium to reach.

The show was the evening’s second most-watched cable program behind USA’s “Royal Pains,” although this was the smallest audience yet for a Wednesday night “Dallas” telecast. Previously, the lowest-rated episode was “Truth and Consequences,” which was seen by 3.4 million viewers on Independence Day.

Keep in mind: “Dallas’s” ratings often soar when DVR users who record the show and watch it later are factored in. For example, “Truth and Consequences” was seen by 5.1 million viewers altogether within a week of its July 4 debut.

“Dallas’s” real ratings test comes next week, when the show begins competing with the Summer Olympics, which often draw huge audiences.

NBC will broadcast the games for 17 days, beginning tonight. This means the final two episodes of TNT’s first season of “Dallas” will be telecast in the midst of the Olympics onslaught.

On Wednesday, August 1, when TNT telecasts “Dallas’s” ninth episode, “Family Business,” NBC is scheduled to broadcast swimming and diving finals, beach volleyball and the crowning of the men’s gymnastics champion. One week later, on the night TNT shows “Revelations,” the “Dallas” season finale, gold medals are expected to be awarded in women’s beach volleyball and men’s track on NBC.

This will be the first time “Dallas” has competed with the Summer Olympics, although the original series aired opposite the Winter Olympics six times – twice each in 1980, 1984 and 1988.

Back then, “Dallas” beat the games every time – except once: On February 22, 1980, the classic episode “Jock’s Trial, Part 1” was crushed by ABC’s coverage of the “miracle on ice” hockey game, when the U.S. men’s team scored an upset victory over the Soviets.

Shooting J.R. at Home

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Their own turf

“Dallas” has lifted TNT’s ratings, but the show has also brought major economic benefits to its namesake city, Christopher Kelly reported this week in the New York Times.

The first 10 episodes were shot in North Texas in 2011 and 2012, pumping $28.8 million into the local economy and boosting civic pride.

Says Janis Burklund, head of the Dallas Film Commission: “Everywhere I go, I’m hearing from people about how cool it is to see the city on the show. And it looks great. When you watch the show, you have to say, ‘Wow, our city looks great.’”

‘Dallas’ After Dark

Three “Dallas” stars made the late-night talk show rounds during the past week: Last night, Josh Henderson appeared on Andy Cohen’s “Watch What Happens Live” on Bravo. Meanwhile, Julie Gonzalo visited the “Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” on July 23, three days after Jordana Brewster dropped by the CBS show.

High Brow Humor

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Price You Pay, TNT

Those brows

Larry Hagman’s eyebrows “kind of have a life of their own,” says Lynn Barber, “Dallas’s” makeup artist, in an interview published yesterday by Entertainment Weekly.

We don’t doubt it, but we also wonder if J.R. might have competition for television’s top brows.

In a meeting last week with the nation’s television critics, PBS officials discussed the popularity of public broadcasting’s hit soap opera “Downton Abbey,” citing the Twitter feed Lady Mary’s Eyebrows as an example of that show’s cultural impact.

Of course, Hagman and J.R.’s brows have their own Twitter feeds, too. Could a J.R.-vs.-Mary eyebrow beat-down be brewing in the twitterverse?

Line of the Week

“How much time do you have?”

The response from Bobby (Patrick Duffy) in “No Good Deed” when Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe) asks, “How could J.R. do this to his own family?”

Bottoms Up!

If you love Brewster’s refreshing performance on “Dallas,” you’ll enjoy The Elena, the latest “Dallas Drinks” cocktail from Dallas Decoder’s favorite mixologist at Cook In/Dine Out. Enjoy!

“Drill Bits,” a roundup of news about TNT’s “Dallas,” is published regularly. Share your comments below.