Knots Landing Scene of the Day: ‘… But You’re a Royal Pain’

Battle royale

Battle royale

In “Knots Landing’s” second-season episode “A Family Matter,” Valene (Joan Van Ark) visits J.R. (Larry Hagman) in his hotel room.

J.R.: Well, it’s quite an honor.

VAL: I need to talk to you, J.R.

J.R.: All right. Shall I order up some drinks or some yogurt or something like that?

VAL: I wanna talk to you about Gary.

J.R.: What’s the matter with Gary?

VAL: He promised me last night that he wouldn’t make any deals with you.

J.R.: Oh, I see. And you came up here to see that he keeps his promise.

VAL: I wanna know what you’re getting my husband into.

J.R.: I’m not getting your husband into anything. The closest I’ve gotten to a Ewing since I left Dallas is right here with you.

VAL: Don’t do anything to him now, J.R. Now that things are finally going so right for him.

J.R.: You are a lovely lady, Valene. But you’re a royal pain. Gary’s never amounted to much in his life, and I think that’s because of you.

VAL: What?

J.R.: You think small, Valene. Real small. Gary’s got a noose around his neck, and you’re hanging onto the other end, dragging him down.

VAL: You are a vile, evil man.

J.R.: All right, all right, all right. The conversation’s over. I don’t wanna talk anymore. I’m kind of busy now. [Walks to the door, opens it]

VAL: [Begins leaving, stops and turns to him] I don’t blame whoever it was that shot you. I just wish I’d done it myself.

He shuts the door and sighs.

J.R.: I don’t need this.


  1. This scene makes me smile!


  1. […] Hagman) was concerned. Over the years, she called him “disgusting,” “a troublemaker” and “a vile, evil man.” J.R. declared she was a “tramp,” “a wimp,” and “southern trash.” You weren’t really […]

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