She Said It: The Wit and Wisdom of Sue Ellen Ewing

Yes, she did

Next to J.R., Sue Ellen possesses the sharpest tongue at Southfork. (No wonder they got married.) Sue Ellen Week continues with this small sampling of Linda Gray’s most delicious “Dallas” dialogue.

Opposites attract

On Love

• “Sick. Very sick.” (Sue Ellen’s response when J.R. asks her to describe their relationship)

• “Anything that makes you unhappy has got to be good for the rest of the world.” (Responding to J.R.’s anger over Bobby and Pam’s reunion)

• “He’s a man of charm, sensitivity and class. In short, your exact opposite.” (Describing Don Lockwood to J.R.)

Adopt a smirk

On Marriage

• “I’m touched by your concern with children. I’m just sorry you didn’t adopt me instead of marrying me.” (Responding to J.R.’s interest in Lucy’s life)

• “Don’t remind me.” (Responding to J.R.’s announcement that he’ll be home soon)

• “You’re in it.” (Her response when J.R. asks what’s wrong with their bedroom)

Cold shower

• “I hope you have a miserable time today. Because I know I will.” (After J.R. forces her to spend the afternoon with him)

• “Joan of Arc would’ve been a drunk if she’d been married to you.” (Responding to J.R.’s insults about her alcoholism)

• “Why? You feeling particularly dirty these days?” (After J.R. asks if he can join her in the shower)

Night visitor

On Sex

• “I love your sudden urges, J.R. They’re almost as romantic as your daddy’s pit bull.” (Responding to J.R.’s invitation to sleep with him)

• “What other possible use would I have for you?” (After J.R. complains she treated him like a stud service)

• “I know what you like. And I’m sure that wasn’t it.” (After kneeing J.R. in the groin while he’s trying to “seduce” her)

Viper dodger

On J.R.’s Other Women

• “Well, the Winger tramp. Don’t tell me that J.R. let you out of bed long enough to have lunch.” (Greeting Mandy in a restaurant)

• “Oh, is there a convention in town? Or maybe the fleet’s in?” (Responding to J.R.’s statement that Mandy is at work)

• “Modeling? Let me guess: mattresses?” (After J.R. tells her Mandy landed a new modeling gig)

No drama, Mama

• “Cutting you off, you viper!” (After Mandy asks her why she tore up her contract with Valentine Lingerie)

• “You are a very sick little girl.” (Responding to Holly Harwood’s claim that she’s sleeping with J.R.)

• “You’re a very strange and awful woman.” (Taking another swipe at Holly)

• “She’s drama, John Ross.” (Describing Afton Cooper)

Lady of the manor

On Life at Southfork

• “From a shop girl to a wet nurse. That’s a step up.” (After Pam begins caring for John Ross)

• “Next to the Alamo, one of the great battlegrounds of Texas.” (Describing the bedroom she shared with J.R.)

• “Who am I kidding? Telling a Ewing to stop fighting is like telling a horse to grow wings.” (After telling John Ross and Christopher to stop fighting)

Student of success

On Herself

• “I’m a snob, and I can be a witch at times if I don’t get my own way.” (Describing herself to Dusty)

• “Lately I find my own company preferable to almost anybody I know.” (Explaining to J.R. why she wants to be alone)

• “I had a great teacher.” (After J.R. compliments her on her “brilliant” scheme to get rid of Mandy)

What did I miss? Share your favorite bon mots from Sue Ellen below and read more features from Dallas Decoder.