She Said It: The Wit and Wisdom of Sue Ellen Ewing

Dallas, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, TNT

Yes, she did

Sue Ellen WeekNext to J.R., Sue Ellen possesses the sharpest tongue at Southfork. (No wonder they got married.) Sue Ellen Week continues with this small sampling of Linda Gray’s most delicious “Dallas” dialogue.

Dallas, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, Wedding Bell Blues

Opposites attract

On Love

• “Sick. Very sick.” (Sue Ellen’s response when J.R. asks her to describe their relationship)

• “Anything that makes you unhappy has got to be good for the rest of the world.” (Responding to J.R.’s anger over Bobby and Pam’s reunion)

• “He’s a man of charm, sensitivity and class. In short, your exact opposite.” (Describing Don Lockwood to J.R.)

Dallas, Dove Hunt, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing

Adopt a smirk

On Marriage

• “I’m touched by your concern with children. I’m just sorry you didn’t adopt me instead of marrying me.” (Responding to J.R.’s interest in Lucy’s life)

“Don’t remind me.” (Responding to J.R.’s announcement that he’ll be home soon)

“You’re in it.” (Her response when J.R. asks what’s wrong with their bedroom)

Brothers and Sons, Dallas, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing

Cold shower

• “I hope you have a miserable time today. Because I know I will.” (After J.R. forces her to spend the afternoon with him)

“Joan of Arc would’ve been a drunk if she’d been married to you.” (Responding to J.R.’s insults about her alcoholism)

• “Why? You feeling particularly dirty these days?” (After J.R. asks if he can join her in the shower)

Dallas, Linda Gray, Oil Baron's Ball, Sue Ellen Ewing

Night visitor

On Sex

• “I love your sudden urges, J.R. They’re almost as romantic as your daddy’s pit bull.” (Responding to J.R.’s invitation to sleep with him)

“What other possible use would I have for you?” (After J.R. complains she treated him like a stud service)

• “I know what you like. And I’m sure that wasn’t it.” (After kneeing J.R. in the groin while he’s trying to “seduce” her)

Dallas, Fall of the House of Ewing, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing

Viper dodger

On J.R.’s Other Women

“Well, the Winger tramp. Don’t tell me that J.R. let you out of bed long enough to have lunch.” (Greeting Mandy in a restaurant)

“Oh, is there a convention in town? Or maybe the fleet’s in?” (Responding to J.R.’s statement that Mandy is at work)

“Modeling? Let me guess: mattresses?” (After J.R. tells her Mandy landed a new modeling gig)

Dallas, Guilt and Innocence, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, TNT

No drama, Mama

“Cutting you off, you viper!” (After Mandy asks her why she tore up her contract with Valentine Lingerie)

• “You are a very sick little girl.” (Responding to Holly Harwood’s claim that she’s sleeping with J.R.)

“You’re a very strange and awful woman.” (Taking another swipe at Holly)

“She’s drama, John Ross.” (Describing Afton Cooper)

Bypass, Dallas, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing

Lady of the manor

On Life at Southfork

“From a shop girl to a wet nurse. That’s a step up.” (After Pam begins caring for John Ross)

“Next to the Alamo, one of the great battlegrounds of Texas.” (Describing the bedroom she shared with J.R.)

“Who am I kidding? Telling a Ewing to stop fighting is like telling a horse to grow wings.” (After telling John Ross and Christopher to stop fighting)

Dallas, Linda Gray, Something Old Something New, Sue Ellen Ewing

Student of success

On Herself

“I’m a snob, and I can be a witch at times if I don’t get my own way.” (Describing herself to Dusty)

“Lately I find my own company preferable to almost anybody I know.” (Explaining to J.R. why she wants to be alone)

“I had a great teacher.” (After J.R. compliments her on her “brilliant” scheme to get rid of Mandy)

What did I miss? Share your favorite bon mots from Sue Ellen below and read more features from Dallas Decoder.

Comments

  1. I’m not sure you missed much here Chris.
    I just have a comment. I know it is the in thing right with so many wearing nostaglia colored glasses to say JR and Sue Ellen were each other’s true love. Look at that list of quotes. There is a ton of deserved animosity toward JR here. Someone who is that cruel to you should never be your true love in my book.

  2. To Jenna, Miss Ellie, and Donna, after Pam wakes up: “A Ewing is a Ewing is a … Krebbs.”

    To JR, regarding the never-to-be-seen movie: “And you, JR, will be the laughingstock of Texas.”

    To JR, during a conversation about Angelica Nero: “I was wrong. She’s not crazy, you are.”

    To a coroner she intends to blackmail: “You’ve been writing more prescriptions than Michael Jackson’s doctor.”

    • Great suggestions, sunnycd.

      The scene with Ellie, Donna and Jenna was a contender for my list, along with the Michael Jackson line. Disclosure: I ended up cutting them so the photos would line up neatly. I had forgotten about the Angelica line. That was a good one.

      By the way: I always love your comments during #DallasChat and now I’m happy to see you commenting here. Thanks so much!

  3. Jennifer Irons says:

    IMHO, other than Larry Hagman, Linda Gray had the best lines in both the old and new versions of “Dallas”!! And she delivered them beautifully!

  4. All the best ones must be here, love it!

    I also remember:

    “I fooled you JR, after that everyone else should be easy.” (3×21)

  5. “And Where did you sleep last night? In the backseat? This is YESTERDAY’s suit.”~ Sue Ellen’s response to JR the morning after BD Calhoun drugged and kidnapped her for an evening and everyone thought she’s fallen off the wagon.

    “We all know which end of the horse you are.”~ Her response to JR (forgot the ep, but it’s REAL season 9)

    • Oh, wow, Isis. I just watched the B.D. Calhouon episode you mentioned and missed that line. I need to see that. Sounds hilarious!

      Love that line about the horse too. Thanks!

      CB

  6. isisdawonder says:

    I could’ve sworn that during the Holly Harwood fiasco she said, “It’s wonderful how thoughtful he can be when he’s caught with his boots parked under the wrong bed.”

    • Isis, I just went back and looked at those episodes and didn’t see that line.

      By the way: I originally included the following line in this post — “It’s wonderful how thoughtful he can be when he’s caught with his choo choo in the wrong tunnel.” I remember Sue Ellen saying this when I watched an episode as a kid, but now I can’t seem to find the episode on DVD. Does anyone know when she said it? If I can find it, I’ll restore it to this post.

      • Check the episode when she is at Clayton’s hotel after she fell off the wagon. I think she said it to Clayton…around the time she says the “Honorable, Honorable Clayton” line. But i know she said it. The line you mentioned was what I think was originally written and it was changed due to the censors.

    • If it’s not that episode, it might be in the first or second ep of season 6 (DVD7)

  7. Linda Gray isn’t married now, she can “park her boots under my bed” C. B. I’m not sexist!

Trackbacks

  1. […] edition of #DallasChat, followed later in the week by posts on her most memorable moments, her witticisms and some surprises. Visit each day and join the […]

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