Barnburner
The only thing the Ewings love more than a dip in the pool is a roll in the hay. In “Lifting the Veil,” TNT’s most recent “Dallas” episode, Christopher and Heather (Jesse Metcalfe, AnnaLynne McCord) got romantic in the Southfork barn, continuing a tradition that goes back to “Dallas’s” earliest days. Here’s a look at the five hottest hayloft scenes from the original series.
Pammus interruptus
5. Lucy and Jimmy. Lucy (Charlene Tilton) was hot to trot for Camaro-driving Jimmy (James Canning) when he attended a Ewing Barbecue with his Uncle Digger. But as soon as she lured Jimmy to the hayloft, killjoy Pam arrived and told Jimmy he had to take Digger home before he drunkenly belted out any more verses to “The Yellow Rose of Texas” on the dance floor. Pam then hung around the hayloft for some alone time, which turned out be a big mistake: J.R. showed up and tried to mend fences with her, which ended in a different kind of hay roll for poor Pammy.
Power tools. Grrr.
4. Ray and Jenna. Not long after Jenna (Priscilla Beaulieu Presley) started shacking up with the newly divorced Ray (Steve Kanaly), she went roaming around his house and eventually wound up in the barn, where she found him doing manly Ray things. The next thing you knew, these two were undressing each other in one of the stables. Was it the sight of the shirtless Ray working with power tools that turned on Jenna? Or was this her way of thanking him for taking in her and her two bratty kids? We never found out. Maybe it’s better that way.
Stacked
3. Sue Ellen and Dusty. Hey, look everyone: Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) is home from the sanitarium — and just in time for the annual Ewing Rodeo. Hooray! How is she going to celebrate her return to Southfork? Well, for starters, she’s going to tell off J.R.’s latest tramp, Mandy, and then she’s going to head over to the barn for a little extra-marital lovin’ of her own with Dusty (Jared Martin). Good plan, Sue Ellen! I suppose it’s kind of shocking to see this uptown lady cavorting in such a down-home setting, but let’s be honest: When Sue Ellen rolls in the hay, she makes it look classy.
Virgin territory
2. J.R. and Laurette. “Dallas: The Early Years” is full of historic moments, but the biggest event of all might be when the teenaged J.R. (Kevin Wixted) loses his virginity to his poodle-skirted girlfriend Laurette (Bethany Wright) in the Southfork barn. It’s a kick to see J.R. learning how to charm a lady — he calls her “sugar” and brings along a bottle of beer to get her in the mood — and even though this isn’t exactly the kind of romantic setting we’re used to seeing our hero in, it beats that time he seduced a different floozy (cough, cough Afton) in his own marital bed.
Head games
1. Lucy and Ray. “Dallas’s” first roll in the hay is still the kinkest — and the ickiest, in retrospect. On the day Bobby brought home his new bride Pam, Lucy was in the hayloft getting chummy with Ray, who was still carrying a torch for Pam, his ex-girlfriend. Naughty Lucy even made Ray call her by Pam’s name during their encounter, which is pretty darn twisted. Years later, the audience discovered Ray is Lucy’s uncle, which rendered their past relationship into the Storyline No One Dare Speak of Again. Maybe the producers forgot about it, but the fans never did. (Do we ever?)
What’s your favorite “Dallas” hayloft scene? Share your comments below and read more “Dal-Lists.”
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