Drill Bits: The Ewing Oil Store, Now Open for Business

Dallas, Ewing Oil Company Store, J.R. Ewing

Drink up, darlin’

You’ve watched the Ewings for years. Want to start living like them too?

The Ewing Oil Company Store, a new online retailer, is selling “Dallas”-themed merchandise for fans who want to bring a little bit of Southfork glamour into their homes. The signature product: a J.R. Ewing decanter inspired by the one seen on the TNT series.

“I was watching the show and like any crazed fan, the minute I saw that decanter, I wanted one,” said Stephen W. Phillips, who owns and operates the store. Phillips hired a glassworks company to create the decanters, which hold 31 ounces and sell for $39.95 each. Each decanter features J.R.’s signature etched into the glass and comes with a Southfork-branded bottle stopper.

Phillips’ products are not licensed by Warner Bros., which produces “Dallas,” although he’s contacted the studio about making his products “official.” If another company comes out with commercial products that are similar to his, Phillips said he may be required to stop selling his versions.

Last year, a Texas liquor distributor said it’s planning to sell J.R. Ewing bourbon in bottles like the one seen on the show, but it hasn’t hit the market. “Maybe there’s room for their product and mine,” Phillips said.

The Ewing Oil store’s other barware products include a Southfork liquor tray, a Ewing family ice bucket and a Ewing Global stainless steel flask. Additionally, the store sells Ewing Oil hardhats; replicas of the license plates that appeared on the show, including J.R.’s “Ewing 3” plate; and t-shirts that pay homage to classic “Dallas” storylines (the Gold Canyon 340 oil strike, the battle over the Tundra Torque).

Phillips’ love for “Dallas” began when he watched the show as a child with his grandmother on Friday nights. His enthusiasm for the Ewings continued through college, when daily “Dallas” reruns were appointment television for Phillips and his fraternity brothers.

Over the years, Phillips and his friends have staged their own version of the Oil Baron’s Ball, and he once made a pilgrimage to Southfork, where Phillips made his best friend push him into the swimming pool.

Don’t the people who run the ranch frown upon that sort thing? “It’s definitely frowned upon, but at least I can say I did it,” he said.

Batten Down the Hatches

Watch out, Christopher Ewing. Hurricane Heather is about to touch down on Southfork — or at least that’s how onetime “90210” star AnnaLynne McCord describes Heather, the new ranch hand she’ll play on “Dallas” next season.

“She comes on strong like a tornado and hurricane all wrapped into one,” McCord tells the MediaMikes entertainment news site. “Her energy is definitely a force to be reckoned with. I think that that dynamic is something that Christopher really likes about her. He is in this family that lies to everyone all the time and he has this one ‘creature’ that comes in saying, ‘I am going to tell you so much of the truth; you won’t be able to handle it.’”

McCord, who TNT bills as a guest star, tells MediaMikes she’ll wrap up her stint on the show during the third season’s 10th episode.

Now Streaming

TNT’s second season of “Dallas” arrives on DVD tomorrow, but if you can’t wait, head over to Netflix, where the show’s first two seasons are now streaming. As the Dallas Morning News suggests, a 25-hour “Dallas” marathon is the ideal way to beat the cold weather blues.

“Drill Bits,” a roundup of news about TNT’s “Dallas,” is published regularly. Share your comments below.

Linda Gray: ‘Dallas’ is Hotter and Sexier Than Ever

Linda Gray - Dallas is Hotter and Sexier Than Ever copy

Meddlin’ mama

TNT’s “Dallas” has “turned up the volume” for its third season, Linda Gray told Dallas Decoder and other bloggers and reporters today.

Viewers who skip the show will “miss out,” Gray said. “They’re going to miss out on a wonderful, wonderful show — this year especially. They’ve turned up the volume. It’s hot. It’s sexy. It’s bawdy. … It’s beautiful television.”

The actress also praised the “Dallas” writers for the way they’ve handled Sue Ellen’s alcoholic relapse, which began after J.R.’s death last year and will continue in the new season.

“When J.R. Ewing passed, that was a perfect time for a relapse to occur. It wasn’t a tacky way of having her start drinking again. This was real, and a lot of people I’ve spoken to who are in the program have said, ‘Yes, that’s very realistic.’” … I really applaud the writers for doing it so beautifully,” Gray said.

More “Dallas” dish from Gray:

On Sue Ellen’s reaction to John Ross’ ambition: “I think that she’d like to take that kid by the scruff of his neck and give him a good shake. I think that’s what he needs. I adore their relationship. He’s always disappointing her, which I love. I think it’s just fabulous.”

On fans who feel Sue Ellen meddles in John Ross’s life: “Just wait. She’s going to keep meddling, meddling, meddling. And he’s going to keep doing bad things. That’s the way it works. … The scenes that they’ve written for the two of us are extraordinarily wonderful.”

On her real-life mothering style — and how it mirrors Sue Ellen’s: “Once you’re a mother, you’re always a mother. … You can’t help yourself. My girlfriends and I used to say, ‘It’s part of our charm.’ And so there are times, I have to say, [when] Linda Gray says to herself about Sue Ellen: ‘Sweetheart, it’s part of your charm.’”

On continuing Dallas without Larry Hagman: “Larry, because I knew him so well, would say to me, ‘Oh, for God’s sakes. Get on with it.’ Honestly, that’s what he would say. He would not want people to say, ‘Oh, the series won’t work without him.’”

On how the writers might keep J.R. in the storyline: “You know, he will have done something — in my estimation — 40 years ago, some … oil deal that will reverberate and will cause chaos now. They’ll find some letter, they’ll find some document and it will make a mess of things. So I think that they’ll always include him.”

“Dallas’s” third season begins on Monday, February 24. Share your comments below and read more news from Dallas Decoder.

Dallas Parallels: O Mother, Where Art Thou?

Dallas Parallels - O Mother, Where Art Thou? 1

If Christopher’s search for Pam on TNT’s “Dallas” reminded you of Pam’s search for Rebecca on the original series, you’re not alone. There are several similarities between the two storylines — and also one big difference, reminding us how history never repeats itself exactly, even on “Dallas.”

This one is kind of complicated, so let’s take it from the top. Pam grew up believing her mother, Rebecca Barnes, died when she and her brother Cliff were children. Many years later, when Pam and Cliff’s daddy Digger died, Pam realized there was no record of Rebecca’s demise, so she hired private eye John Mackey to find out what happened to her mother. Pam was shocked when Mackey told her Rebecca was still alive; according to his investigation, when Pam and Cliff were kids, Rebecca ran away, changed her name to Rebecca Burke and married Houston industrialist Herbert Wentworth. Pam went to the Wentworth mansion to confront Rebecca, who initially denied that she was Pam’s mom. Eventually, Rebecca fessed up — it seems she abandoned her family because she was miserable being married to Digger — and Pam forgave her.

History began to repeat itself when Victoria Principal left “Dallas” in 1987. Despite the pain Rebecca’s abandonment caused Pam, the writers explained Pam’s departure by having her leave Bobby and Christopher after she was badly burned in a car accident. One year later, the producers brought Pam back for a single scene — this time played by Margaret Michaels — when Cliff tracked her down in Houston and begged her to come home. Pam rejected Cliff’s invitation, explaining that she had moved on with her life. Only after Cliff left the room did the audience learn the truth: Pam only had months to live and wanted to spare Bobby, Christopher and Cliff the pain of having to watch her die. Who knew Pam was such a martyr?

Of course, the audience never saw Pam die, so fans like me spent years clinging to the hope that Principal would one day reprise the role. Finally, the second season of TNT’s “Dallas” seemed to lay the groundwork for the second coming of Pam Ewing — and in a nice touch, the storyline echoed the past. Consider: Digger’s death prompted Pam to embark on her search for Rebecca. Thirty-three years later, Christopher began his hunt for Pam after another death in the family: the murder of his Uncle J.R., who was shot and killed while trying to track down Pam, hoping to persuade her to help stop Cliff’s war against the Ewings.

This is where the similarities begin to mount: Christopher, picking up where J.R.’s search left off, discovered Pam had changed her name to Patricia Barrett — just like Pam learned the presumed-dead Rebecca Barnes had adopted the identity of Rebecca Burke. Meanwhile, Christopher’s obsession with finding Pam started to strain his relationship with his fiancée Elena, who was distracted by her brother Drew’s role in the Ewing Energies rig explosion. It wasn’t unlike the situation Pam once found herself in, when her preoccupation with finding Rebecca took its toll on her marriage to Bobby, who was distracted by his brother J.R.’s role in the Ewing 23 explosion.

More parallels: In the TNT episode “Guilt by Association,” Christopher sat in a car and watched the Zurich home where Pam supposedly lived; the shot was reminiscent of the scene in the classic episode “The Prodigal Mother” where Pam and Mackey (Richard Herd) staked out Rebecca’s Houston residence. Also: Christopher learned Pam had married her plastic surgeon, David Gordon, just like Rebecca had wed Herbert Wentworth. And when Christopher rushed into the Gordon home to confront Pam, he was crushed to hear the good doctor say his wife didn’t want to see her son — just like Pam was devastated when she entered the Wentworth mansion and Rebecca rejected her.

This brings us to the point where the two storylines diverge. On the original show, after Rebecca denied Pam, she felt guilty and went to see her daughter in Dallas, where the two women sat on a park bench and Rebecca tearfully told Pam that she was, in fact, her mother. Poor Christopher never got a park-bench scene on the TNT series. Instead, he learned an uglier truth: Cliff had paid Gordon to lie and say Pam had changed her name and married Gordon because as long as everyone believed Pam was alive, Christopher couldn’t inherit her shares of Barnes Global. Who knew Cliff was such a monster?

Christopher’s search concluded on a heartbreaking note, but it’s probably the only ending that makes sense. Principal has made it clear she isn’t interested in playing Pam again — and recasting the part was out of the question since “Dallas” fans don’t have a history of welcoming new performers in iconic roles. (See “Reed, Donna”) Besides, even if Principal was willing to return, how could the show have justified Pam’s decision to stay away from her family for more than 25 years? Please don’t tell me Katherine has kept her locked up in a dungeon all this time.

As far as I’m concerned, TNT showrunner Cynthia Cidre fixed one of the old “Dallas’s” biggest blunders — the ham-handed writing surrounding Principal’s 1987 exit — and redeemed Pam by revealing that she was, in fact, trying to come home to Bobby and Christopher when she died. It’s sad, I know. But at least we have closure. How often does that happen on “Dallas”?

 

‘I Want to See Her’

Dallas, Pam Ewing, Prodigal Mother, Victoria Principal

Calm?

In “The Prodigal Mother,” a fourth-season “Dallas” episode, Pam (Victoria Principal) walks briskly into her bedroom, followed by Bobby (Patrick Duffy).

BOBBY: Honey, you’re all wound up. You hardly touched your dinner. Don’t leave tonight. Wait till morning.

PAM: Bobby, I’ve waited all my life to see this woman. [Retrieves a suitcase from the closet, sets it on the bed, unzips it]

BOBBY: Well, it would be better for her if you saw her when you were calmer. And what if Mackey made a mistake? And even if he didn’t, she might not be the kind of woman that you think she is.

PAM: I don’t care what kind of woman she is. My mother’s alive. I want to see her.

BOBBY: I just wish I could go with you.

PAM: Well, I’m sure the airline would sell you a ticket. [Begins packing]

BOBBY: Honey, I can’t leave now. You know that. Not with the wells still on fire. I’ve got Scotty Hawthorne flying in here with a crack fire-shooting crew. There’s too much going on for me to leave.

PAM: There always is lately.

BOBBY: Now wait a minute. You know what Ewing 23 means to us.

PAM: Means to you, not to us.

BOBBY: Honey, I have to be here to make sure that nothing else goes wrong.

PAM: Look, Bobby, I understand. I don’t want to burden you with my problems, okay?

BOBBY: Will you be home by Wednesday?

PAM: Probably. Why?

BOBBY: It’s this fundraising thing for Dave Culver. Daddy would like us to be there.

PAM: Oh, well. I’ll be home then. I wouldn’t want to disappoint your family.

 

‘All I Want From Her Now Are Her Shares’

Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Guilt by Association, Jesse Metcalfe, TNT

Ready?

In “Guilt By Association,” Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe) enters his hotel room as Elena (Jordana Brewster) is ending a phone call to Drew.

CHRISTOPHER: Hey.

ELENA: [Begins unpacking] Hey.

CHRISTOPHER: Who were you talking to?

ELENA: Oh, it was my mom. She wanted to make sure we landed safely. How’d it go?

CHRISTOPHER: My mother’s bank account is registered to her home address, a man by the name of David Gordon. Apparently, he’s an American. Used to be a plastic surgeon.

ELENA: Do you think Pamela lives there?

CHRISTOPHER: There’s only one way to find out. I’m headed over now. [Puts on his coat]

ELENA: Christopher, are you sure you’re prepared for this? Because if there’s anything —

CHRISTOPHER: I’m fine. [Turns away, looks out the window]

ELENA: You haven’t seen your mother in over 25 years. You must be feeling something.

CHRISTOPHER: [Turns toward her] Actually, I’m not. Because the woman I’m about to see ceased to be my mother the day she abandoned me.

ELENA: You keep saying that.

CHRISTOPHER: Because it’s the truth.

ELENA: But after all this time, don’t you want an explanation?

CHRISTOPHER: All I want from her now are her shares so I can take down Cliff. [Grabs his bag] Wish me luck.

ELENA: Good luck. [Kisses him goodbye]

How do you feel about Pam’s search for Rebecca and Christopher’s search for Pam? Share your comments below and read more “Dallas Parallels.”

Here’s Everything That’s Happened on ‘Dallas,’ Ever*

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson

Ain’t over yet

It’s never too late to start watching “Dallas.” If you missed the original show and the first two seasons of TNT’s sequel series, fear not: This post will tell you everything you need to know before Season 3 begins on Monday, February 24. (*OK, this isn’t really everything that’s happened on “Dallas.” For that, you’ll have to keep reading Dallas Decoder every day.)

 

The Original Series (1978 to 1991)

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Pam Ewing, Patrick Duffy, Victoria Principal

In the beginning

Bobby Ewing (Patrick Duffy), the youngest son of a rich oil and cattle clan, marries Pam Barnes (Victoria Principal) and brings her home to Southfork, the Ewing ranch. This upsets everyone, especially Pam’s daddy Digger (David Wayne), who blames Bobby’s daddy Jock (Jim Davis) for stealing his sweetheart, Miss Ellie (Barbara Bel Geddes), and cheating him out of half of Ewing Oil. While Bobby’s devious brother J.R. (Larry Hagman) is building the family empire and catting around, J.R.’s neglected wife Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) becomes an alcoholic and has an affair with Cliff (Ken Kercheval), Pam’s vengeful brother. Later, J.R. and Sue Ellen have a son, John Ross, while Bobby and Pam adopt Christopher, the orphaned child of Sue Ellen’s sister Kristin Shepard (Mary Crosby) and sleazy Jeff Faraday (Art Hindle). Elsewhere, Ray Krebbs, Southfork’s foreman, discovers Jock is his daddy and marries savvy politico Donna Culver (Susan Howard), while Lucy (Charlene Tilton), the daughter of J.R. and Bobby’s middle brother Gary (Ted Shackelford) and his wife Valene (Joan Van Ark), gets engaged to everyone.

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

End of an era

More drama: Digger dies and so does Jock, leaving Ellie to hold the family together with help from second hubby Clayton Farlow (Howard Keel). Southfork burns down, but the Ewings rebuild it. Cliff hooks up with Afton Cooper (Audrey Landers), who gives birth to their daughter Pamela Rebecca, but Afton refuses to let Cliff near the child because of his fixation with destroying the Ewings. Cliff and Pam’s half-sister Katherine Wentworth (Morgan Brittany) arrives, becomes obsessed with Bobby and tries to kill him, then vanishes under a big hat. Sue Ellen beats the bottle and divorces J.R., while Pam has a bad dream, gets burned in a car crash and runs away. Bobby has an on-again, off-again romance with first love Jenna Wade (Priscilla Beaulieu Presley), who gives birth to their son Lucas and then marries newly divorced Ray. James (Sasha Mitchell), J.R.’s illegitimate son, shows up for a while and emulates the old man. Bobby marries April (Sheree J. Wilson), but she dies. J.R. marries Cally (Cathy Podewell), but she leaves. In the end, Cliff finally takes over Ewing Oil, leaving J.R. alone and suicidal.

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duffy, Swan Song

Hurts so good

Best Episode: “Swan Song.” The eighth-season finale finds J.R. and Sue Ellen’s marriage on the rocks, unlike the vodka she’s secretly swilling in her bedroom.  Meanwhile, Bobby chooses Pam over Jenna, but crazy Katherine runs him over with her car. The episode ends with the Ewings bidding farewell to Bobby in a deathbed scene that’s so beautifully written and acted, you almost wish it wasn’t part of Pam’s dream. Almost.

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Who Shot J.R.?

Shot in the dark

J.R.’s Greatest Moment: Who shot J.R.? Sure, taking a couple of slugs to the gut is no fun for our hero, but at least he makes billions of dollars in a risky offshore oil deal before he’s gunned down. Oh, and in case you didn’t hear, J.R.’s assailant turns out to be Kristin, his sister-in-law/ex-secretary/ex-mistress, who’s revealed as the shooter in one of the most-watched broadcasts in television history. (Props to Sue Ellen, who figures it all out.)

 

TNT Season 1 (2012)

Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Jesse Metcalfe, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, TNT

When cousins clash

J.R. emerges from a nursing home and tricks Bobby into selling him Southfork so he can tap the ocean of oil flowing beneath it. Like their fathers, John Ross and Christopher (Josh Henderson, Jesse Metcalfe) butt heads, except their rivalry has an added twist: John Ross has fallen for Elena Ramos (Jordana Brewster), who was Christopher’s childhood sweetheart. Christopher marries Rebecca Sutter (Julie Gonzalo), unaware that she’s the daughter of Cliff, who is now the gazillionaire owner of Barnes Global and still hell-bent on destroying the Ewings. Rebecca kills her lover Tommy Sutter (Callard Harris) in self-defense and has Cliff’s henchman Frank Ashkani (Faran Tahir) dispose of the body. Meanwhile, Sue Ellen runs for governor; Bobby’s new wife Ann (Brenda Strong) feels threatened by ex-husband Harris Ryland (Mitch Pileggi), who knows she’s harboring a dark secret; and John Ross, Christopher and Elena form a company, Ewing Energies, but the partnership is threatened when Elena breaks her engagement to John Ross and reunites with Christopher, who dumps the pregnant Rebecca.

Dallas, Family Business, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, TNT

Bad does good

Best Episode: “Family Business.” In one of Hagman’s most poignant performances, J.R. learns Bobby is secretly battling cancer and returns Southfork to him, ending the season-long war for the ranch. Later, in a chill-inducing musical montage (set to Johnny Cash’s “The Man Comes Around”), poor Bobby suffers a seizure and Rebecca shoots Tommy, splattering blood over her unborn twins’ stuffed animals. Hmmm. Foreshadow, much?

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, TNT

Pass the torch

J.R.’s Greatest Moment: Who loves J.R.? His son John Ross, who ends the season by gazing at the Dallas skyline with dear old dad and asking him to teach him “every dirty trick” he knows so he can push Christopher and Elena out of Ewing Energies. J.R. beams with pride and tells John Ross that he’s his son “from tip to tail.” Hey, J.R. may have given up the fight for Southfork, but he wasn’t giving up his devious ways — thank goodness.

 

TNT Season 2 (2013)

Cliff Barnes, Dallas, Ken Kercheval, TNT

All about evil

Rebecca reveals she’s Pamela Rebecca Barnes and hooks up with John Ross. Ann shoots Harris after learning he kidnapped their daughter Emma when she was a baby and sent her to be raised by his control-freak mother, Judith (Judith Light). Ann gets probation, Harris recovers and Judith falls down the stairs. Frank takes the blame for Tommy’s death and kills himself at the request of Cliff, who causes Pamela’s miscarriage. When J.R. is murdered in Mexico, it appears Cliff is the killer, so Bobby, Christopher and newlyweds John Ross and Pamela plant evidence on Cliff to make sure he’s arrested. Oh, and Christopher also discovers Cliff covered up his mom’s death. Elsewhere, John Ross somehow inherits half of Southfork; Sue Ellen loses the election but continues to tangle with Governor McConaughey (Steven Weber); Emma (Emma Bell) sleeps with Elena’s ne’er-do-well brother Drew (Kuno Becker), becomes John Ross’s mistress and turns Harris in to the cops for drug trafficking; and when Christopher dumps Elena, jailbird Cliff asks her to become his proxy at Barnes Global, which the Ewings now control.

Dallas, J.R.'s Masterpiece, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, TNT

Mourning glory

Best Episode: “J.R.’s Masterpiece.” Our hero is laid to rest in an instant-classic hour that brings back several stars from the original series. The highlight: On the night before J.R.’s burial, Sue Ellen takes a heartbreaking tumble off the wagon, then delivers a mesmerizing eulogy for the man she calls “the love of my life.” Can someone please explain how Linda Gray didn’t win an Emmy for this performance?

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, TNT

Only you

J.R.’s Greatest Moment: Who killed J.R.? J.R. did, of course. It turns out he was dying of cancer and arranged his own death so Cliff could be framed for the crime, thus ending the Barnes-Ewing feud … for about 2 minutes, at least. Only a handful of people know the truth, including Bobby, J.R.’s loyal private eye Bum (Kevin Page), Christopher and John Ross, who gets it right when he says, “The only person who could take down J.R. … was J.R.”

What are your favorite “Dallas” memories? Share them below and read more features from Dallas Decoder.

Tonight on #DallasChat: Pamela vs. Emma vs. Elena

Dallas, Elena Ramos, Emma Bell, Emma Ryland, Jordana Brewster, Julie Gonzalo, Pamela Rebecca Barnes Ewing, TNT

Three queens

You’re invited to join Dallas Decoder’s next #DallasChat on Twitter, which I’ll hold Monday, February 3, from 9 to 10 p.m. Eastern time. The theme: “Pamela vs. Emma vs. Elena.”

New to #DallasChat? Here’s how it works: For one hour, I tweet a series of questions to my fellow “Dallas” fans. Each question is numbered and includes the hashtag #DallasChat, and so your answers should do the same. Everyone is also encouraged to include the show’s official hashtag, #DallasTNT, in their #DallasChat tweets.

Here’s a sample exchange:

Q1. Does Pamela, Emma or Elena have better business sense? #DallasTNT #DallasChat

A1. Emma. Did you see how she negotiated with Bo McCabe for the painkillers? She’s tough! #DallasTNT #DallasChat

Here are two tips:

• During the discussion, enter #DallasChat in Twitter’s search field. This will help you watch the search results so you can follow the conversation. Click “All” to see all the related tweets.

• Be sure to include #DallasChat in your tweets. This allows the other participants to see your contributions to the conversation.

This is one #DallasChat you won’t want to miss. See you tonight!

The Dallas Decoder Quiz: Second-Season Spectacles

Bobby Ewing, Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Jesse Metcalfe, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, Linda Gray, Patrick Duffy, TNT

Stumped?

How much do you remember about the second season of TNT’s “Dallas”? Jog your memory with this quiz. The correct answers appear at the end.

1. Which foursome controls Barnes Global?

a) Bobby, Christopher, Pamela and John Ross

b) Cliff, Christopher, Pamela and John Ross

c) Cliff, Pam, Pamela and Christopher

d) Cliff, Pam, Katherine and Jimmy

2. Which duo owns Southfork?

a) Bobby and Ann

b) Bobby and John Ross

c) Bobby and Christopher

d) Bobby and Gary

3. Match the judges in Column A with the courtroom proceedings they oversaw in Column B.

Column A

I) Judge Leonard Knox

II) Judge Barbara Hirsch

III) Judge Wallace Tate

IV) Judge John R. Testolin

Column B

a) Frank’s arraingment

b) Roy’s arraingment

c) Bobby’s arraingment

d) Ann’s trial

Cliff Barnes, Dallas, Ken Kercheval, TNT

He done it?

4. Where was Cliff when J.R. was killed?

a) In Nuevo Laredo

b) In Cabo San Lucas

c) On his way to the Ewing building

d) Sleeping in his car

5. What did John Ross and Pamela plant in Cliff’s safe deposit box?

a) J.R.’s gun

b) J.R.’s hat

c) J.R.’s belt buckle

d) Jeannie’s bottle

6. Each of these memorable quotes is missing a word. Fill in the blank and state who delivered the line.

a) “Love is for (blank).”

b) “When they figure out how to run a car on (blank), you’ll have the real advantage.”

c) “Once a (blank), always a (blank).”

d) “I’m not a sick, sadistic (blank) like you are.”

7. Match the Ewing Energies executive in Column A with his or her secretary in Column B.

Column A

I) John Ross

II) Christopher

III) Bobby

IV) Sue Ellen

Column B

a) Jill

b) Lisa

c) Sally

d) Stacy

Dallas, Harris Ryland, Mitch Pileggi, TNT

Arrested development

8. When Harris was arrested, what was the charge?

a) Kidnapping

b) Bribery

c) Elder abuse

d) Drug trafficking

9. Who claimed Cliff was in the club on the night J.R. was killed?

a) Rhonda Cummings

b) Rhonda Simmons

c) Rhonda Mason

d) Rhonda Shear

10. Christopher believed his mother was using what alias in Zurich?

a) Andrea Barrett

b) Patricia Barrett

c) Pamela Monahan

d) Jeanne O’Brien

11. What did Emma do to Bo McCabe?

a) She bought drugs from him

b) She kissed him

c) She bit him

d) All of the above

Dallas, Governor Sam McConaughey, Steven Weber, TNT

Tables turned

12. What did Sue Ellen use to blackmail Governor McConaughey?

a) Proof that Harris bribed him

b) Proof that he covered up toxic dumping

c) Proof that he covered up the cause of the rig explosion

d) Proof that he ran his brother’s airline into the ground

13. What did Elena learn at the end of the season?

a) J.R. ruined her father’s reputation

b) J.R. caused her father’s death

c) J.R. stole land from her father

d) J.R. had her father arrested

14. Who did Elena go to see in Mexico?

a) Joaquin

b) Heisenberg

c) Carlos del Sol

d) Carlos Danger

15. What were J.R.’s final words during his phone call with John Ross?

a) “You shouldn’t have to pay for my sins.”

b) “I’m proud of you.”

c) “You’re my son, from tip to tail.”

d) “Rosebud.”

Answers: 1) b. 2) b. 3) I. c., II. a., III. d., IV. b. 4) b. 5) c. 6) a. pussies, John Ross; b. bullshit, Ricky Rudd; c. bitch, Valene; d. prick, Ann 7) I. d., II. a., III. c., IV. b. 8) d. 9) b. 10) b. 11) d. 12) c. 13) c. 14) a. 15) c.

How did you do? Share your score below and take last year’s quiz.

It’s Bobby vs. Harris Tonight on #DallasChat

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Harris Ryland, Mitch Pileggi, Patrick Duffy

Destined to hate

You’re invited to join Dallas Decoder’s next #DallasChat on Twitter, which I’ll hold Monday, January 27, from 9 to 10 p.m. Eastern time. The theme: “Bobby vs. Harris.”

New to #DallasChat? Here’s how it works: For one hour, I tweet a series of questions to my fellow “Dallas” fans. Each question is numbered and includes the hashtag #DallasChat, and so your answers should do the same. Everyone is also encouraged to include the show’s official hashtag, #DallasTNT, in their #DallasChat tweets.

Here’s a sample exchange:

Q1. Why does Harris hate Bobby? #DallasTNT #DallasChat

A1. Harris is jealous. Bobby has everything Harris ever wanted: beautiful wife, obedient child — and great hair! #DallasTNT #DallasChat

Here are two tips:

• During the discussion, enter #DallasChat in Twitter’s search field. This will help you watch the search results so you can follow the conversation. Click “All” to see all the related tweets.

• Be sure to include #DallasChat in your tweets. This allows the other participants to see your contributions to the conversation.

This will be another fun discussion. Don’t miss it!

New ‘Dallas’ Episode Titles Surface

Ann Ewing, Bobby Ewing, Brenda Strong, Dallas, Patrick Duffy, TNT

What’s in a name?

The titles and airdates for the first six episodes from “Dallas’s” new season are starting to pop up on TiVo and online TV listings. Stop reading now if you don’t appreciate breathless speculation about even the tiniest “Dallas” tidbits.

Here are the titles and dates: “The Return,” February 24; “Trust Me,” March 3; “Playing Chicken,” March 10; “Lifting the Veil,” March 17; “D.T.R.,” March 24; and “Like Father, Like Son,” March 31.

The listings also include a brief synopsis for “The Return,” the season’s first episode: “Sue Ellen plans a wedding for John Ross and Pamela; John Ross and Bobby dispute their joint ownership of Southfork; Elena returns to Dallas with a secret agenda; a mysterious stranger arrives.”

Keep in mind: This kind of stuff is subject to change, so take all of it with a grain of Southfork soil. Nevertheless, it’s worth considering what we might glean from this minutiae. For example, doesn’t “Lifting the Veil” seems like a good bet to be the wedding episode that brings Ray (Steve Kanaly), Lucy (Charlene Tilton) and Afton (Audrey Landers) back to Southfork? As for “D.T.R.”? Urban Dictionary tells us this expression is slang for “define the relationship,” although I wouldn’t put it past those crafty “Dallas” writers to give the acronym its own twist.

Thanks to Dallas Decoder reader Joe Siegler for tipping us off to the titles and airdates.

What do you think of the new “Dallas” episode titles? Share your comments below and read more news from Dallas Decoder.

It’s John Ross vs. Christopher Tonight on #DallasChat

Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Jesse Metcalfe, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, TNT

Clashin’ cousins

You’re invited to join Dallas Decoder’s next #DallasChat on Twitter, which I’ll hold Monday, January 20, from 9 to 10 p.m. Eastern time. The theme: “John Ross vs. Christopher.”

New to #DallasChat? Here’s how it works: For one hour, I tweet a series of questions to my fellow “Dallas” fans. Each question is numbered and includes the hashtag #DallasChat, and so your answers should do the same. Everyone is also encouraged to include the show’s official hashtag, #DallasTNT, in their #DallasChat tweets.

Here’s a sample exchange:

Q1. Who’s a better businessman: John Ross or Christopher? #DallasTNT #DallasChat

A1. John Ross, obviously. He’s his daddy’s son, from tip to tail! #DallasTNT #DallasChat

Here are two tips:

• During the discussion, enter #DallasChat in Twitter’s search field. This will help you watch the search results so you can follow the conversation. Click “All” to see all the related tweets.

• Be sure to include #DallasChat in your tweets. This allows the other participants to see your contributions to the conversation.

This will be another fun chat. Don’t miss it!

Critique: ‘Dallas’ Episode 147 — ‘Some Do … Some Don’t’

Barbara Bel Geddes, Clayton Farlow, Dallas, Howard Keel, Miss Ellie Ewing, Some Do ... Some Don't

Limited engagement

The first scene in “Some Do … Some Don’t:” Donna and Lucy are making muffins in the Southfork kitchen and listening to Miss Ellie and Clayton tease each other about their recent misadventures in Jamaica. Clayton recalls taking Ellie to a French restaurant, where she mistakenly ordered a head of veal instead of a veal chop but ate the whole thing because she was too stubborn to admit her error. Ellie, in the meantime, describes how Clayton accidentally lost his swim trunks on the beach in front of a group of New Jersey schoolteachers. “I would imagine I’m quite famous in Paramus,” he says.

The last scene in “Some Do … Some Don’t:” Clayton brings Ellie home after escorting her to the opening of Jenna Wade’s boutique. The mood is as light and as jovial as the earlier kitchen scene — until Clayton suggests he’d like to stay over so he and Ellie can spend their “first night together.” Suddenly, Ellie becomes rattled, begins to cry and calls off their wedding. “I can’t marry you. I can’t marry anyone,” she says as she runs upstairs. In the freeze frame, Clayton stands at the bottom of the steps, looking more than a little bewildered.

The two sequences serve as the emotional bookends in “Some Do … Some Don’t,” the strongest episode yet from “Dallas’s” seventh season. The opening scene does nothing to advance the show’s storylines, but it’s essential to the episode because it showcases the warm, effortless chemistry between Barbara Bel Geddes and Howard Keel. Together, these actors have charm to spare, and watching their characters gently chide each other allows the audience to feel emotionally invested in their relationship. By the time the hour is over and Ellie has called off the wedding, we can’t help but feel concerned for them.

I also love how “Dallas” doesn’t shy away from the idea that Ellie and Clayton, who are probably supposed to be in their late 60s or early 70s, are capable of having an intimate relationship. I find this subplot even more provocative than Sue Ellen’s May/December romance with Peter Richards. (Frankly, I’m also a little surprised Clayton wanted to sleep with Ellie before their wedding. Who knew the old chap was so modern?) When I watched these episodes when I was younger, I’m sure it never occurred to me to think of Ellie and Clayton as sexual beings, but now it’s not such a hard thing to wrap my head around. Bel Geddes was still a beautiful, vibrant woman when this episode was filmed in 1983, retaining more than a hint of the sauciness she exhibited in her early film roles. Meanwhile, Keel was dashing as ever. In this episode’s final shot, when Clayton stands at the bottom of the Southfork staircase with his hand on his hip, I’m reminded of Clark Gable striking a similar pose in “Gone With the Wind.” I’m sure this was intentional.

Indeed, “Some Do … Some Don’t” is full of flourishes like this. This comes as no surprise: This episode is helmed by Larry Hagman, who always brings an eye for detail to the director’s chair. For example, in one of the Ewing Oil scenes, Bobby tells J.R. about a company he wants to buy. Hagman could easily have started the exchange with J.R. seated in his office, but instead, he opens the sequence with a shot of Kendall at the reception desk, answering a phone call. In the background, J.R. steps off the elevator and walks through the room, stopping by Sly’s desk to pick up his phone messages. As he heads into his office, Phyllis buzzes Bobby on the intercom to let him know that J.R. has arrived, and then Bobby pops into J.R.’s office to tell him about the potential purchase. Maybe this was Hagman’s way of making sure the actresses who played the Ewing Oil secretaries each got a few lines in this episode — too often these performers toil silently in the background — but it nonetheless makes Ewing Oil feel like a real, functional workplace.

More details: The scene where Pam and Mark visit Cliff and Afton at their townhouse begins with Cliff sitting on the sofa, playing a videogame. It’s another small point, but isn’t it just like Cliff to get so wrapped up in a game that he would ignore his guests? (Also: Notice how John Beck seems to be limping as Mark crosses the living room, a subtle throwback to the previous episode, when the character pulled a muscle while playing tennis with Pam.) Additionally, I love when Cliff arrives at the dive bar for another clandestine meeting with Sly and steals the fries off her plate. In another great restaurant scene, J.R. brings Edgar Randolph to lunch at his favorite French eatery, where J.R. threatens to ruin Edgar’s life in one breath and enthusiastically orders him the bouillabaisse in the next. “Oh, you’re just going to love it. It’s really good,” J.R. says with a smile. I dare you to watch this scene without doing the same thing.

The scene where J.R. and Katherine sleep together for the first time is more wicked fun, and so is Pam’s confrontation with Marilee Stone. Pam is clearly out of line when she orders Marilee to stay away from Cliff, but who cares? Isn’t it nice to see Pam exhibit a little backbone and do something besides whine about being torn between Bobby and Mark? It also turns out that Pam and Marilee make good sparring partners. What a shame Victoria Principal and Fern Fitzgerald don’t have more scenes together on this show.

Surprisingly, I also like Sue Ellen and Peter’s scenes in “Some Do … Some Don’t.” Their once promising storyline took a turn for the ridiculous in the two episodes that preceded this one, but heaven help me, I find the couple’s outing to the ice rink kind of charming. I also like when Sue Ellen and Peter run into his classmates from the university and they mistake Sue Ellen for his mother. This feels like the kind of thing that might happen to a woman who dates a younger man, and Sue Ellen and Peter’s reactions to the situation ring true. Sue Ellen, ever the lady, is aghast at the thought that Peter’s friends are gossiping about them, while Peter couldn’t care less. I still have trouble believing Sue Ellen’s attraction to Peter, but at least it’s nice to see the show bring the couple back to a place that resembles reality.

Some more thoughts about Sue Ellen and Peter’s encounter with his friends: Besides Linda Gray, the actor who impresses me most during the scene is Lee Montgomery, who plays Peter’s pal Jerry Hunter. Watch Montgomery’s sly smile when Jerry spots Sue Ellen and Peter; it’s very subtle, but it lets us know he realizes there’s more to their relationship than meets the eye. It’s also worth noting this scene’s two young actresses, who both became science-fiction stars: Kate Vernon played Ellen Tigh on “Battlestar Galactica,” while Claudia Christian was Ivanova on “Babylon 5.” According to IMDb.com, Vernon and Christian are slated to appear together in a forthcoming film called “Chicanery” along with three other “Dallas” actresses: Colleen Camp, who originated the role of Kristin Shepard in 1979; Patty McCormack, who played Mitch Cooper’s friend Evelyn Michaelson during Season 5; and Michelle Scarabelli, who appeared during the 11th season as Connie, Ray’s stalker.

I have a lot of fun finding these connections. I’ve always appreciated how “Dallas” offered steady work to older performers like Barbara Bel Geddes and Howard Keel, but until I started this website, I didn’t realize how many young actors appeared on the show at the beginning of their careers. None of these up-and-comers have become as famous as Brad Pitt, who appeared on “Dallas” a few times in 1987 and will probably always be its most famous alumnus, but it’s impressive to see how so many actors who got their start on the show continue to find work.

This realization has made me watch TNT’s sequel series in a whole other light. Pay attention to all the actors who appear in small roles on the new show. Chances are some of them will still be entertaining us years from now.

Grade: A

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Dallas, Linda Gray, Some Do ... Some Don't, Sue Ellen Ewing

Not the mama

‘SOME DO … SOME DON’T’

Season 7, Episode 16

Airdate: January 20, 1984

Audience: 22 million homes, ranking 5th in the weekly ratings

Writer: Leonard Katzman

Director: Larry Hagman

Synopsis: J.R. sleeps with Katherine, allows Cliff to steal another deal from Ewing Oil and continues to pressure Edgar to unseal the offshore oil lease bids. Jenna celebrates the opening of her boutique by sleeping with Bobby. Clayton suggests he wants to be intimate with Miss Ellie, who is rattled and calls off their wedding. Mark checks into the hospital for tests without telling Pam.

Cast: Denny Albee (Travis Boyd), Christopher Atkins (Peter Richards), John Beck (Mark Graison), Barbara Bel Geddes (Miss Ellie Ewing), Morgan Brittany (Katherine Wentworth), Martin E. Brooks (Edgar Randolph), Claudia Christian (Peter’s friend), Patrick Duffy (Bobby Ewing), Eric Farlow (Christopher Ewing), Linda Gray (Sue Ellen Ewing), Larry Hagman (J.R. Ewing), Susan Howard (Donna Krebbs), Steve Kanaly (Ray Krebbs), Omri Katz (John Ross Ewing), Sherril Lynn Katzman (Jackie Dugan), Howard Keel (Clayton Farlow), Ken Kercheval (Cliff Barnes), Audrey Landers (Afton Cooper), Anne Lucas (Cassie), Shalane McCall (Charlie Wade), Lee Montgomery (Jerry Hunter), Priscilla Beaulieu Presley (Jenna Wade), Victoria Principal (Pam Ewing), Debbie Rennard (Sly), Danone Simpson (Kendall), Charlene Tilton (Lucy Ewing), Deborah Tranelli (Phyllis), Kate Vernon (Peter’s friend)

“Some Do … Some Don’t” is available on DVD and at Amazon.com and iTunes. Watch the episode and share your comments below.