Knots Landing Scene of the Day: ‘You Don’t Have Any Courage’

September 13, 2012 by 9 Comments
No guts, no Gary

No guts, no Gary

In “Knots Landing’s” second-season episode “The Loudest Word,” Bobby and Gary (Patrick Duffy, Ted Shackelford) sit next to each other in the hospital waiting room while Val undergoes surgery.

BOBBY: That was some phone call you made to Mama.

GARY: Yeah, I know. Sorry about that.

BOBBY: Are you better now?

GARY: Well, I’m not crazy, if that’s what you mean.

BOBBY: No, that’s not what I mean. I mean, are you better? Have you pulled yourself together? Do you know what you’re up against? Are you ready for that?

GARY: Don’t preach at me, Bobby!

BOBBY: Well, are you better or aren’t you?

GARY: I don’t know!

BOBBY: Well, you don’t have much time to find out. [Rises] If you’re gonna sit and wait that thing out, you’d better damn well be able to handle the outcome, no matter what the outcome is.

GARY: I don’t know. How can I? Would you know?

BOBBY: You’re damn right I would. I’d grit my teeth, I’d clinch my fist and rail at the injustice. But I’d be able to handle whatever came through that door. Because I couldn’t stand to live with myself if I broke down when the woman I love needed me to stand up.

GARY: Fine. You tell me how not to break, and I won’t break.

BOBBY: I’ll tell you how not to break. The same way I told Valene how not to die. Don’t. You just don’t.

GARY: I can’t handle the worst.

BOBBY: The worst is she dies, Gary. You understand that, don’t you? [Gary is silent.] Dying is the worst thing that can happen to Val. [Walks to Gary, grabs his shirt collar, forces him to his feet] Now, tell me that you know that death is the worst possibility. [Gary is still silent.] You’d rather that girl in there die than survive with a colostomy? [Releases Gary, steps away] You know, I can remember Daddy and Mama sparring with words. I was just a kid when you left, but I can still remember them talking about you. And Daddy would say that you didn’t have the Ewing guts. And Mama would say, “Well, thank goodness for that.” Because she thought you had Southworth gallantry – and that was a much better thing to have. Mama thought guts were low-grade courage, and gallantry was courage with grace. [Walks toward Gary] But she sent me here because she couldn’t stand to come herself. She probably heard it in your voice on the phone. You don’t have any kind of courage at all. And she just couldn’t bear to come here and see that for herself.

Gary walks away.

Filed Under: Dallas Scenes of the Day, Dallas Scenes of the Day (Classic), Features Tagged With: , , ,

Dallas Scene of the Day: ‘Never Cross Daddy’

September 12, 2012 by 5 Comments
Gruff daddy

Gruff daddy

In “Dallas’s” fourth-season episode “The Quest,” Miss Ellie vows to stop the Takapa Lake development project and exits the Southfork dining room, leaving Jock (Jim Davis), J.R. (Larry Hagman) and Bobby (Patrick Duffy) at the table.

BOBBY: Daddy? Daddy?

JOCK: [Looks up from his newspaper] What?

BOBBY: Don’t you think you should tell Mama you’re one of the Takapa developers?

JOCK: Look, Bobby, I run my business, and I decide when and where I’ll tell anyone about it. You understand?

Ray (Steve Kanaly) enters.

RAY: Morning. I don’t mean to rush you, Jock, but you were supposed to meet those builders over there at 10 o’clock.

JOCK: Well, you’re not rushing me, Ray. [Rises] I got nothing to say more here, anyway.

BOBBY: Daddy, I mean it. I think you should tell her.

JOCK: Are you telling me what I gotta do these days, Bobby?

BOBBY: No, sir. No, I’m not. I just think it’s fair that she knows, that’s all.

JOCK: [Crosses his arms] Well, how can a man be fair when his own wife barely speaks to him? You tend to your politics, Bobby, or whatever it is these days. Ray and I’ll take care of Takapa. You understand? Ready, Ray?

RAY: All set, Jock.

Jock and Ray leave.

J.R.: Bobby, I thought you learned something when you were a young boy. I guess I was wrong.

BOBBY: Learned what?

J.R.: Never cross Daddy when it comes to business. Never.

Filed Under: Dallas Scenes of the Day, Dallas Scenes of the Day (Classic), Features Tagged With: , , , ,

Dallas Styles: Pam’s Perm

September 11, 2012 by 11 Comments

Twisty

In “Start the Revolution with Me,” Victoria Principal sports a new hairstyle – a frizzy permanent, one of the fashion fads of the early 1980s.

The look demonstrates how Pam is always ahead of the curve, and it also gives “Dallas” a chance to show how cool Miss Ellie is. She’s the only character to comment on Pam’s new style, telling her, “I love your new hairdo.”

But there’s symbolism in Pam’s do, too. In “Dallas’s” previous episode “Making of a President,” Sue Ellen urges Pam to have an affair with Alex. “Pam, I just want you to protect yourself,” Sue Ellen says. “The Ewing men are all the same. Bobby and J.R. are into the same power trip, and for you to survive, you have two choices: You can either get out, or you can play by their rules.”

Pam seems to resist the advice, but we know she’s really tempted by Alex. This means Pam is becoming more like her morally ambiguous in-laws – particularly Sue Ellen, who has cheated on J.R. with at least three men (Ray, Cliff and Dusty) at this point during “Dallas’s” run.

So is it any wonder Pam shows up in “Start the Revolution with Me” wearing a perm?

Think about it: A “permanent wave,” according to Wikipedia, is created by stretching and softening hair and molding it around the shape of a perm rod. By allowing herself to get close to another man, isn’t Pam doing something similar – stretching the boundaries of matrimony, relaxing her standards, molding herself into the shape of a Ewing? Or maybe Pam just wants Bobby to notice her.

Whatever the case, the perm doesn’t last long – and thankfully, neither does Pam’s flirtation with infidelity.

Filed Under: Dallas Styles, Dallas Styles (Classic), Features Tagged With: , ,

Dallas Scene of the Day: ‘You Have a Trashy Mouth’

September 11, 2012 by 4 Comments
Here they go again

Here they go again

In “Dallas’s” fourth-season episode “Start the Revolution with Me,” J.R. (Larry Hagman) comes home late to find Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) seated at their bedroom vanity.

J.R.: Well, you’re up late. Been out? [Places his cowboy hat atop the armoire]

SUE ELLEN: Why, yes, J.R., I have been.

J.R.: Anybody I know? [Removes his jacket, throws it on the bed]

SUE ELLEN: [Primping] You don’t really care.

J.R.: No, I don’t really care. [Sits in a chair behind her]

SUE ELLEN: J.R., you’ve been keeping yourself real busy lately. I heard you hired yourself a public relations woman.

J.R.: That’s right. Leslie Stewart.

SUE ELLEN: [Examining jewelry] You know, darling, I find it very interesting that you hired a woman to tell you how to run your business. It’s always been a Ewing creed that women were seen, not heard.

J.R.: Well, this woman is different. She’s intelligent, talented and creative – and she knows when to keep her mouth shut. [Loosens his necktie]

SUE ELLEN: Have you had her yet?

J.R.: [Sighs] Is that all you ever think about?

SUE ELLEN: No, darling. That’s all you ever think about.

J.R.: Leslie Stewart is a highly qualified professional. She’s doing a brilliant job.

SUE ELLEN: [Smiles] That means you haven’t had her.

J.R.: You have a trashy mouth. Do you know that?

SUE ELLEN: J.R., I know you better than anybody else. And if you haven’t had sex with Miss Leslie Stewart, that means the lady doesn’t want you, not that you haven’t tried. You might be losing your touch.

J.R.: You don’t know a damn thing about it. [Rises, grabs his jacket off the bed, heads for the door]

SUE ELLEN: J.R.? [He stops and turns to face her.] I know all about it.

He leaves, slamming the door behind him.

Filed Under: Dallas Scenes of the Day, Dallas Scenes of the Day (Classic), Features Tagged With: , ,

Dallas Scene of the Day: ‘J.R., You’re My Kind of Man’

September 10, 2012 by 3 Comments
Sitting pretty

Sitting pretty

In “Dallas’s” fourth-season episode “Making of a President,” J.R. and Leslie (Larry Hagman, Susan Flannery) dine in a Japanese restaurant.

LESLIE: I was certainly surprised to hear from you so soon, J.R.

J.R.: Well, things have happened, and I thought maybe we ought to talk a little business.

LESLIE: [Noticing his use of chopsticks] You handle those very well.

J.R.: When I was in the service, I spent a lot of time in Japan. You’re doing pretty good yourself. You ever been to the Far East?

LESLIE: No. The first time I ever used them was in Chinatown, New York City.

J.R.: [Laughs] How about a little sashimi? What do you say? [Places food on her plate]

LESLIE: Thank you.

J.R.: And that yellowtail looks real good. Yeah. [To server] Arigato gozaimasu.

LESLIE: Any octopus?

J.R.: Well, I’ve never really acquired a taste for octopus. You like it, do you?

LESLIE: Oh, I adore octopus. I think it’s unusual and exotic … and dangerous.

J.R.: Well, I like a lady whose tastes run to the bizarre at times. Besides octopus, what else?

LESLIE: You.

J.R.: You find me bizarre, do you?

LESLIE: [Laughs] No. Dangerous. [Sips from a cup]

J.R.: Well, should I take that as a form of flattery or –

LESLIE: Not really. If it’s flattery that you want, then I would suggest that we just finish our meal, say goodbye and I’ll pick up the check.

J.R.: Leslie, what’s your angle?

LESLIE: Honesty. At least with my clients. All I’ve ever heard about since I reached Dallas is J.R. Ewing. The more I heard about you, the more I wanted to meet you.

J.R.: Why?

LESLIE: Because they said that you are the biggest cheat, the bigger liar and the biggest double-dealer this town has ever seen, and I think that must be going some.

J.R.: You’re getting closer to picking up that check.

LESLIE: Really?

J.R.: You better think of something to say fast.

LESLIE: J.R., you’re my kind of man. Besides, if you were on the side of the angels, you wouldn’t need Leslie Stewart.

J.R.: [Smiles] You are some kind of woman, you know that?

LESLIE: You put your image in my hands, J.R., and I’ll build you a halo so big, your shoulders will buckle just trying to carry it around.

J.R.: [Chuckles] You know, I’m beginning to believe you can do what you say you can do.

LESLIE: People will come from all over the country – all over the world – begging to do business with you.

J.R.: Well –

LESLIE: Just leave it to me. Trust me. I’ll guide you. I’ll be at your beck and call, day and night.

J.R.: Why don’t we work on those night calls, right about now. What do you say?

LESLIE: Oh, I think I ought to draw up a tentative contract and bring it to your office tomorrow.

J.R.: Now, I still think we ought to seal the deal, right about – [Using her chopsticks, she puts a piece of sushi in his mouth.] What’s that?

LESLIE: Octopus. I can’t think of a better way to seal a deal with you.

Filed Under: Dallas Scenes of the Day, Dallas Scenes of the Day (Classic), Features Tagged With: , ,

The Dallas Decoder Guide to Politics, Ewing Style

August 27, 2012 by 15 Comments

Sue Ellen is the latest Ewing to hit the hustings. (Photo credit: Bill Matlock/TNT)

The Republicans are in Tampa and the Democrats are headed to Charlotte, but the real political heavyweights are in “Dallas.” Here’s a look at some of the gladhanders, grandstanders and gurus who’ve courted the Ewings’ support – and occasionally, their wrath – on the original series, its “Knots Landing” spinoff and TNT’s “Dallas” revival.

MAYNARD ANDERSON (Peter Mark Richman)

Maynard Anderson

Anderson was an oil industry darling whose appointment to a high-ranking Department of Energy post left Jock and J.R. giddy. But Andreson’s new job was jeopardized when his shrewish wife Melissa threatened to expose his affair with Jenna Wade, Bobby’s old flame. J.R. promised to help out his pal Anderson, which meant using Jenna to try to split up newlyweds Bobby and Pam. J.R.’s ploy failed and Jenna released Bobby from her clutches (for awhile, anyway); the audience never learned if Mr. Anderson actually went to Washington.

CLIFF BARNES (Ken Kercheval)

Cliff Barnes

Cliff had a talent for attracting trouble – his college girlfriend died after a botched abortion and he was arrested for Julie Grey’s murder and Bobby Ewing’s shooting – but he never let scandal get in the way of his ambition. Despite losing bids for state senate and Congress, Cliff was appointed to several cushy gigs, including oil industry watchdog and “energy czar.” Of course, Cliff was too busy trying to beat the Ewings to hold onto any job long. As we learned in the “Dallas” finale, if J.R. hadn’t been born, Cliff would’ve been president!

ALAN BEAM (Randolph Powell)

Alan Beam

Alan was a rising star at Smithfield Bennett, the law firm that represented the Ewings, but he wasn’t afraid to stand up for what he believed in – and above all, he believed in Cliff, whose congressional campaign he managed. (Alan even had the courage to wear a “Barnes for Congress” button to Jock’s birthday dinner!) Too bad it was all a ruse: Alan really worked for J.R., who wanted to sabotage Cliff’s campaign from the inside. The plan worked like a charm, but when J.R. and Alan had a falling out, Alan became a prime suspect in J.R.’s shooting. (FYI: He didn’t do it.)

COUNCILMAN MARTIN COLE (Allen Case)

Martin Cole

When the Ewings needed a candidate to run against Cliff for state senate, they recruited Cole, a Fort Worth city councilman who had the right platform (pro-gun, anti-abortion) and connections (he was married to Senator Orloff’s niece Nancy) but the wrong personality – which is to say he had none. With Cliff gaining in the polls, Jock ordered Cole to fire his speechwriter and buy more TV time; he also instructed J.R. to take Mr. Milquetoast shopping for snazzier suits. Cole won – not because of his image makeover, but because J.R. exposed Cliff’s skeletons.

SENATOR DAVE CULVER (Tom Fuccello)

Dave Culver

Dave, the son of political legend Sam Culver, pushed through a health-care reform bill as a member of the state legislature, but once he moved to the U.S. Senate, his main duty seemed to be flying home to tell the Ewings about the doings in Washington. Interestingly, the family never seemed to mind that Dave recruited Jock for his ill-fated mission to South America. This might be because the senator was one of the Ewings’ most reliable matchmakers: Dave introduced stepmom Donna to Andrew Dowling and hooked Bobby up with Kay Lloyd.

GOVERNOR SAM CULVER (John McIntire)

Sam Culver

Sam, a onetime Texas governor and speaker of the house, was one of Texas’s most powerful men. When Cliff was running the Office of Land Management and putting the screws to the Ewings, J.R. tried to blackmail Donna Culver, Sam’s young bride, into persuading her husband to oust Cliff from his perch. Instead, Donna confessed all to Sam, who forgave his wife and threw his support behind Cliff. Sam’s devotion to Donna was admirable, but he wasn’t perfect: After his death, she discovered Sam and Jock once staged a land grab that resulted in Sam’s uncle’s suicide.

SENATOR ANDREW DOWLING (Jim McMullan)

Andrew Dowling

Dowling, possessor of the thickest head of senatorial hair this side of John F. Kerry, disagreed with lobbyist Donna Culver Krebbs on every issue, including tariffs on imported oil and U.S. intervention in Nicaragua (how topical, “Dallas”!), but that didn’t keep him from sweeping the very married, very pregnant Donna off her feet. Later, when the Justice Department was about to lay the smackdown on Ewing Oil over J.R.’s escapades in the Middle East, Dowling tipped off the family, which really should have been Dave Culver’s job, but whatever.

WALT DRISCOLL (Ben Piazza) and EDGAR RANDOLPH (Martin E. Brooks)

Walt Driscoll and Edgar Randolph

Here we have a pair of hapless, mustachioed bureaucrats: Driscoll was one of Cliff’s successors at the Office of Land Management, while Randolph was a federal contracting official. Both men were blackmailed by J.R., both tried to kill him (Driscoll with a car, Randolph with a gun) and both turned suicidal, except Randolph couldn’t do that right, either.

SENATOR BOBBY EWING (Patrick Duffy)

Bobby Ewing

When the governor appointed Dave Culver to fill an empty U.S. Senate seat, his party tried to recruit Dave’s stepmom Donna to complete his term in Austin. She demurred, so party leaders turned to Bobby, who ran for the job and won in a landslide. Bobby then hired Cliff as his legal counsel, which might explain why he seemed so unfamiliar with the term “conflict of interest.” Not only did Senator Ewing preside over an inquiry into his father’s plan to build a resort on Lake Takapa, he also participated in a state investigation into the coup J.R. financed in Asia.

GARY EWING (Ted Shackelford)

Gary Ewing

Like Cliff, Gary didn’t let his private demons keep him from taking a stab at public service. Despite a record that included drinking, gambling, an arrest for murder (Ciji Dunne) and multiple marriages (including one to Valene when she was just 15), Gary – the middle Ewing brother – decided to run for state senator in his adopted home of California. He lost, although the electoral defeat probably stung less than the fact Gary’s wife Abby was sleeping with his opponent, Peter Hollister.

J.R. EWING (Larry Hagman)

J.R. Ewing

When J.R. and Bobby were battling each other for control of Ewing Oil, J.R. tried to beat baby brother by opening a chain of cut-rate gas stations. After he plugged them on Roy Ralston’s talk show, the public clamored for J.R. to run for office (presaging Ross Perot’s use of “Larry King Live” as his political launching pad). Nothing came of this, but for awhile, Dave Culver was worried J.R. might run against him. When Dave questioned J.R.’s fitness for office (“All he knows about is oil!”), Ray reminded him about Jimmy Carter: “All he knew about was peanut farming.”

SUE ELLEN EWING (Linda Gray)

Sue Ellen Ewing

Sue Ellen is running for governor on TNT’s “Dallas,” despite the skeletons she stuffed in her closet during the original series. To recap: Sue Ellen was institutionalized for alcoholism; arrested for J.R.’s shooting; and embroiled in a series of ugly paternity suits, divorces and custody battles. Also, a drunken Sue Ellen was behind the wheel when Walt Driscoll smashed into J.R.’s car, and when J.R. was shot again, she did pull the trigger. The hits keep coming: Sue Ellen recently accepted a donation from sleazy Harris Ryland and blackmailed a coroner.

MISS ELLIE EWING FARLOW (Barbara Bel Geddes)

Miss Ellie Ewing Farlow

Miss Ellie never held office, but she was the only “Dallas”-ite who seemed to possess the political savvy needed to get things done. In her role as a leader of the civic-minded Daughters of the Alamo, she stopped high-rise apartments from being built in Mimosa Park (by the way, did Sue Ellen name that place?) and converted an abandoned building downtown into a homeless shelter. Ellie wasn’t afraid to get personal either: When Jock wanted to build a resort on Lake Takapa, she threatened to divorce him!

DONNA CULVER KREBBS (Susan Howard)

Donna Culver Krebbs

Donna was a go-to political gal: She advised stepson Dave Culver, served on the Texas Energy Commission and became an oil industry lobbyist. Like all good public servants, Donna strove for consistency: While she was married to Sam Culver, she began an affair with Ray Krebbs, then married Ray and began seeing Andrew Dowling (while pregnant with Ray’s child). Donna divorced Ray, gave birth to their daughter Margaret, married Dowling and moved to Washington – where she hopefully found the happy ending that eluded her in Dallas.

KAY LLOYD (Karen Kopins)

Kay Lloyd

When the feds discovered J.R. tried to blow up the Middle East to boost domestic oil prices (no, really), the Justice Department shut down Ewing Oil and prohibited the family from using the company name again. Bobby went to work reclaiming the name with help from Kay, a Dowling aide who lived a fabulous lifestyle (chauffered limousine, swanky apartment, designer duds) despite the meager salary she must’ve received as a Capitol Hill staffer. Bobby and Kay became an item, but the romance died when she wasn’t willing to move to Dallas. (Can you blame her?)

SENATOR HENRY HARRISON O’DELL (Howard Duff)

Henry Harrison O’Dell

To reclaim the Ewing Oil name, Bobby turned to Jock’s old friend O’Dell, a powerful senator who was eager to help – but only if Bobby agreed to buy him a retirement castle in Scotland. (It turned out O’Dell wasn’t fond of the unnamed state he represented, which he called a “mosquito-infested swamp.”) Bobby was reluctant to play O’Dell’s game until Kay told him that’s how Washington works. In the end, Bobby got the Ewing Oil name back, O’Dell got his castle – and hopefully, the senator’s constituents got a more honorable representative.

SENATOR “WILD BILL” ORLOFF (Norman Alden)

“Wild Bill” Orloff

State Senator Orloff was a friendly, backslapping good old boy who did just about anything the Ewings asked of him. Did his eagerness to please have anything to do with the fact the Ewings bought Orloff the house he shared with his pretty little wife Dorothy? Good-government crusader Cliff thought so. When J.R.’s disillusioned secretary/mistress Julie leaked a copy of the trust deed to Cliff, he exposed the Ewing-Orloff shenanigans and Orloff was forced to resign his seat. But he and Dorothy kept their house.

STEPHANIE ROGERS (Lesley-Anne Down)

Stephanie Rogers

When Cliff emerged as a public hero after leading an inquiry into an Exxon Valdez-style oil spill involving a Ewing Oil tanker (honestly, how did this company stay in business?), he toyed with the idea of running for governor. Enter Stephanie Rogers, the British-accented PR whiz who promised Cliff she would further polish his image and get him elected. When that didn’t happen, Cliff fired Stephanie, who disappeared faster than anyone could say, “Fake Alexis.”

GREG and ABBY SUMNER (William Devane, Donna Mills)

Greg and Abby Sumner

Sumner was a California state legislator running for U.S. Senate when Gary’s wife Abby offered him a campaign check from J.R. Sumner declined the money but won the seat, only to resign weeks later to go into business. Later, Sumner and Abby married and he went after an appointment as trade representative to Japan – which she got instead.

SHERIFF FENTON WASHBURN (Barry Corbin)

Fenton Washburn

Washburn was your stereotypical big-bellied Texas sheriff. Although the Ewings owned him, Washburn didn’t hesitate to exert his authority when the family ran afoul of the law: He arrested Jock for Hutch McKinney’s murder, hauled J.R. in for questioning in Kristin Shepard’s death and threatened to arrest Sue Ellen for manslaughter after the car accident that paralyzed Mickey Trotter. He responded slowly when Miss Ellie was kidnapped, which might explain why the next time the Ewings needed the police, there was a new sheriff in town: Burnside (Ken Swofford).

GOVERNOR MARK WHITE (Himself)

Mark White

White attended the 1985 Ewing Rodeo, giving him the distinction of being the only real-life politician to appear on “Dallas.” (Rival soap “Dynasty” once hosted Gerald Ford and Henry Kissinger.) Of course, White’s cameo ended up being part of Pam’s dream, which might explain why his speech to the rodeogoers was so hilariously brief (“Thank you. Thank you. It’s really great to be with y’all up here today. Thank you.”). Think about it: a politician who limits public pronouncements to just 16 words? If that’s not a dream, I don’t know what is.

What has “Dallas” taught you about politics? Share your comments below and read more “Dallas Decoder Guides.”

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The Dallas Decoder Guide to the Ewing Oil Offices

August 21, 2012 by 15 Comments

John Ross (Josh Henderson) has stadium-sized ambitions, but can he run an office? (Photo credit: Zade Rosenthal/TNT)

Memorandum

To: John Ross Ewing III

From: Dallas Decoder

Re: Office space

Congratulations on leasing the old Ewing Oil office space! These are hallowed halls in American commerce; they’ll make a fine home for Ewing Energies, the joint venture you’ve formed with your cousin Christopher and true love Elena. Since those two became an item again (by the way: sorry about that, bro), you’ve probably been too distracted to think about getting your office up and running. Fear not. I have suggestions:

Will club soda get that out?

• Carpeting? Don’t bother. Since you’re a Ewing, you probably want to furnish your space with luxurious carpeting, right? Resist the urge. People have a tendency to get maimed in these offices: Your daddy J.R. was shot in the hallway, Uncle Bobby was gunned down while sitting at J.R.’s desk and a dead CIA agent was once left in a guest chair (long story). Since bloodshed is inevitable, skip the carpeting and put down tile. Not as fancy, but much easier to clean.

How about a deal on a package tour?

• Don’t chintz on the artwork. Take the money you’d spend on premium flooring and splurge on artwork instead. Frankly, this is an area where your daddy missed the mark. He hung cheap posters of Texas scenery on his office walls, giving the place a strip-mall travel agency vibe. Uncle Bobby was no better: His Southwestern decor made his office look like a Chili’s dining room. If those old furnishings are mothballed in the Southfork storage barn, leave them there.

Much better than talking to a wall

• Bring back Grandaddy Jock’s portrait. On the other hand, if the iconic portrait of your granddaddy Jock is in that storage barn, by all means retrieve it, restore it and display it in the most prominent place you can find. Not only will this make a fitting tribute to the giant who founded the original Ewing empire, it’ll also provide a nice backdrop for the inevitable soliloquies you’ll be delivering about heritage, legacies, birthrights, et cetera.

Blinds spot

• Two words: “venetian blinds.” If you’re anything like your daddy (and I think we’ve established you two have a lot in common), you’re probably going to be spending a lot of time staring out your office window, contemplating your next double-cross and/or act of revenge. So consider hanging some venetian blinds. They’ll help create an appropriately moody atmosphere, especially during those late nights when you Ewings tend to hatch your most fiendish schemes.

Does he ever knock?

• Lock your door! When your daddy worked out of these offices, angry people used to burst through his door at least once a day. Cliff Barnes, Uncle Bobby, Aunt Pam, various members of the cartel – they always blew in and threatened to “get back” at J.R. for some perceived slight or misdeed. Save yourself a lot of trouble and install a sturdy lock. Your secretary won’t have to play gatekeeper and and fewer uninvited guests mean fewer slammed doors.

Just file it away, honey

• Speaking of secretaries. … This is another area where your daddy had problems. Julie leaked his top-secret “red file” to Cliff, Louella ran off and got married, your Aunt Kristin – well, you better let J.R. tell you about her. Then there was Sly: She spied on your daddy for Cliff and formed an alliance against J.R. with your half-brother James. (Don’t remember him? Good.) So before you hire an assistant, get advice from Uncle Bobby. He knew how to pick ’em!

Talk about efficiency

• How about some bedding? Did J.R. ever tell you about Holly Goodhead, er, Harwood? She was a nice gal who inherited an oil company and didn’t have a clue how to run it, so J.R. kindly mentored her. (Swell guy, your dad!) Before long, Holly was running the company herself – out of her bedroom. As she told J.R., “As many oil deals are made in bedrooms as in boardrooms.” Since Ewings share this creed, why not put a bed next to your desk?

Knock it off, you two

• Maybe a boxing ring too? Look, everyone knows you and Christopher are going to butt heads at the office – just like your daddy and Uncle Bobby did back in the day. So if your building doesn’t already have its own fitness center, for goodness sakes, consider adding an exercise room, a yoga studio, something – anything – that will give you boys a place to blow off steam. Trust me: You’re going to need it.

What advice would you give John Ross about his workspace? Share your comments below and read more “Dallas Decoder Guides.”

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The Dallas Decoder Guide to That Darned Barnes Family

August 13, 2012 by 23 Comments
Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Jesse Metcalfe, Julie Gonzalo, Pamela Rebecca Barnes Ewing, Revelations, TNT

Pamela redux

The Barneses are back: In “Revelations,” the first-season finale of TNT’s “Dallas,” we learned Rebecca Sutter Ewing is Pamela Rebecca Barnes, Cliff’s daughter. Need a refresher on the rest of the Barneses? Here’s a look at who’s who, how they’re related to each other and the Ewings and some of their family traditions, including their penchant for interesting headgear and shooting people. Also listed: the actors who portrayed the characters on the two “Dallas” series.

The Elders

Dallas, David Wayne, Digger Barnes, Keenan Wynn

Double Diggers

• WILLARD “DIGGER” BARNES: Boozy wildcatter who claimed Jock Ewing cheated him out of his share of Ewing Oil and stole his girl, Miss Ellie. Liked hats. Remembered for two deathbed confessions: 1. He shot and killed wife Rebecca’s lover, Hutch McKinney; 2. McKinney was Pam’s real dad. Played by David Wayne and Keenan Wynn.

Dallas, Priscilla Pointer, Rebecca Barnes Wentworth

Runaway Rebecca

• REBECCA BARNES WENTWORTH: Digger’s wife and Cliff and Pam’s mama. After lover Hutch McKinney’s murder, ran away, became a secretary and married her boss, Houston tycoon Herbert Wentworth. Was believed dead for many years until Pam found her. Died (for real this time) from injuries sustained in a plane crash while waging corporate warfare against the Ewings. Favorite candy: black licorice. Played by Priscilla Pointer and Victoria Principal (in a flashback).

Cliff’s Corner

Cliff Barnes, Dallas, Ken Kercheval

Presto-chango

• CLIFF BARNES: Digger and Rebecca’s son. Inherited mama’s money and daddy’s genetic disorder, hatred for Ewings. Unfortunate tendencies to pursue women involved with archenemy J.R., marry blondes to snag a piece of Ewing Oil. Frequent career-changer: lawyer-turned-politician-turned-bureaucrat-turned-prosecutor-turned-oilman-turned-evil mastermind. Regularly accused of murder and shooting Ewings, but known to have killed only one man: mobster Johnny Dancer. Sharp dresser. Favorite food: Chinese. Favorite activity: revenge. Played by Ken Kercheval.

Afton Cooper, Audrey Landers, Dallas

Steal her away

• AFTON COOPER: Sexy southern songbird who dreamed of a better life. Seduced J.R., then fell for Cliff. In-law to the Ewings: brother Mitch married and divorced Lucy, then married and divorced her again. After longing for someone to steal her away, Afton finally left town on her own carrying Cliff’s child, whom she named Pamela Rebecca. Married and divorced alcoholic gambler/con artist Harrison Van Buren III. Despite questionable taste in men, probably the smartest character among this bunch. Played by Audrey Landers.

Dallas, Jenna Pangburn, Julie Gonzalo, Pamela Rebecca Barnes, TNT

Daddy’s girl

• PAMELA REBECCA BARNES: Cliff and Afton’s daughter. Like Aunt Katherine, broke up a relationship with forged correspondence (an e-mail). Like Aunt Pam, married a Ewing (Christopher). Like Granddaddy Digger and Daddy Cliff, shot and killed a man (ex-lover/fake brother/hat wearer Tommy Sutter). Pregnant with Ewing spawn. Played by Julie Gonzalo. Previously played by Jenna Pangburn.

Dallas, Faran Tahir, Frank Ashkani, TNT

Daddy’s boy

• FRANK ASHKANI: Real name: Raheed Durani. Cliff’s right hand/driver/designated disposer of dead bodies. Not a fan of Tommy Sutter. According to J.R.’s private eye Bum, Cliff plucked Frank off the streets of Islamabad 30 years ago and paid for his fancy education, nice wardrobe and – presumably – frequent trips to the barber. Sometimes referred to as “Smiling Frank.” Doesn’t actually smile. Played by Faran Tahir.

Pam’s Portion

Dallas, Margaret Michaels, Pam Ewing, Victoria Principal

Pam-o-rama

• PAMELA BARNES EWING: Daughter of Rebecca Barnes Wentworth and lover Hutch McKinney; raised by Digger and Aunt Maggie Monahan. Super heroine. Suffered bouts of mental instability and at least one 31-hour nightmare. Occasional wearer of hats. Bad driver. Like her mama, abandoned her own family. Probably dead, but hopefully not. Played by Victoria Principal, Margaret Michaels and at least one heavily bandaged extra.

Bobby, Dallas, Patrick Duffy, TNT

Ewing-in-law

• BOBBY EWING: Golden son. Fell in love with Pam and thought she was so nice, married her twice. Usually a supportive spouse, but not always. Not a fan of brother-in-law Cliff in the beginning, but eventually became his pal and made him a partner in Ewing Oil. The lingering warmth will probably fade when Bobby discovers Cliff is once again plotting against the Ewings. Additional potential complicating factor: new wife/gun fetishist Ann may or may not have had a one-night stand with Cliff in 1987. Played by Patrick Duffy.

Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Jesse Metcalfe, Joshua Harris, TNT

Half-breed

• CHRISTOPHER EWING: Golden son’s golden son. Adopted, making marriage to cousin Rebecca Barnes only slightly less icky than it might be otherwise. May not have Barnes blood coursing through his veins, but inherited the family’s gun habit: as a boy, Christopher shot at John Ross. Dream meal: eggs and toast. Played by Jesse Metcalfe. Previously played by Eric Farlow and Joshua Harris.

The Wentworth Wing

Dallas, Katherine Wentworth, Morgan Brittany

She’s all hat

• KATHERINE WENTWORTH: Herbert and Rebecca Wentworth’s daughter. Television journalist/Christopher’s babysitter/ultimate diva. Hated Cliff. Not a big Pam fan, either: wanted Bobby for herself, so Katherine broke up his first marriage to Pam with a forged letter. Later shot him. Known for visiting sick relatives in hospital and making threatening comments/trying to kill them while they sleep. Most amazing hat collection ever. Disliked tomato juice. Played by Morgan Brittany.

Monahan Members

Dallas, James Canning, Maggie Monahan, Philip Levien, Sarah Cunningham

The lost ones

• AUNT MAGGIE MONAHAN and COUSIN JIMMY MONAHAN: Maggie was Digger’s long-suffering sister who helped raise Cliff and Pam. Rocked hats with the best of them. Her son: Jimmy, the Chuck Cunningham/Judy Winslow of “Dallas.” After two appearances in 1978, never seen nor mentioned again. Aunt Maggie was played by Sarah Cunningham; Cousin Jimmy was played by James Canning and Philip Levien.

What do you remember about the Barneses? Share your comments below and read more “Dallas Decoder Guides.”

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TNT’s Dallas Styles: John Ross’s Vests

August 9, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Go vest, young man

During the old “Dallas’s” early years, J.R. often wore vests, symbolizing how he was no one-dimensional villain: The extra layer under his suit jackets reflected his multi-layered personality.

On TNT’s “Dallas,” John Ross wears vests too, but his look seems to carry a different meaning.

Josh Henderson’s character is still coming into his own as an oil baron, which his vests signify. Despite his ambition, he isn’t quite ready for full business suits.

Consider the final scene in “Revelations,” the first season-ending cliffhanger, when a vest-clad John Ross turns to his daddy and says, “You start teaching me the oil business – and you start teaching me every dirty trick that you know.”

Will John Ross be a quick study? And once he learns J.R.’s tricks, will he suit up?

Tune in next season.

Filed Under: Dallas Styles, Dallas Styles (TNT), Features Tagged With: , ,

The Art of TNT’s Dallas: ‘Revelations’

August 9, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) goes to the park to see Ann in this publicity shot from “Revelations,” the 10th episode of TNT’s “Dallas.” Photo credit: Bill Matlock/TNT.

Filed Under: Art of Dallas, Art of Dallas (TNT), Features Tagged With: , ,
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