Dallas Decoder

It’s Time for #DallasChat. Everyone is Invited to Join!

April 21, 2014 by Chris Baker 3 Comments

Dallas, Emma Bell, Emma Ryland, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, Julie Gonzalo, Pamela Rebecca Barnes Ewing, TNT

Three’s company

You’re invited to join Dallas Decoder’s next #DallasChat on Twitter, which I’ll hold Monday, April 21, from 9 to 10 p.m. Eastern time. We’ll continue last week’s conversation about the Season 3 midyear cliffhanger — and discuss any other topics that might come up — so our theme will be: “Three for All.”

Leave your suggested questions in the comments section below, tweet them to me @DallasDecoder or post them to my Facebook page. I’ll choose one or more questions and ask them during our discussion.

If you’re new to #DallasChat, here’s how it works: For one hour, I tweet a series of questions to my fellow “Dallas” fans. Each question is numbered and includes the hashtag #DallasChat, so your answers should do the same. Please include the show’s official hashtag, #DallasTNT, in your tweets too.

Here’s a sample exchange:

Q1. What do you think will happen when Pamela recovers from her overdose? #DallasTNT #DallasChat

A1. All I’ll say is this: The Barnes-Ewing feud is back on! #DallasTNT #DallasChat

Here are two tips:

• During the discussion, enter #DallasChat in Twitter’s search field. This will help you watch the search results so you can follow the conversation. Click “All” to see all the related tweets.

• Be sure to include #DallasChat in your tweets. This allows the other participants to see your contributions to the conversation.

No one will be left out of tonight’s discussion. Please join in!

Filed Under: #DallasChat, #DallasChat announcements, Opinion Tagged With: Emma Bell, Josh Henderson, Julie Gonzalo, TNT

TNT’s Dallas Styles: ‘Where There’s Smoke’

April 18, 2014 by Chris Baker 3 Comments

Julie Gonzalo and Emma Bell donned Pamela and Emma’s green corsets again in “Dallas’s” midyear cliffhanger, but this time around, the question isn’t who wore it better — it’s who used the lingerie more effectively?

The corsets debuted earlier this season, when Pamela wore the sexy undergarment for John Ross on the night before their wedding. Little did she know Emma had worn an identical corset for him the previous evening, knowing it would spoil Pamela’s surprise. In “Where There’s Smoke,” this week’s episode, Pamela finally discovered John Ross and Emma’s affair and went to the Omni to interrupt their latest tryst. Emma had her corset on again, and as we soon discovered, Pamela was also wearing hers — part of a twisted plot to lure her husband and his mistress into a threesome before going into an overdose-fueled seizure on them.

Some fans feel the three-way sex scene was too graphic, but I was too busy pondering the symbolic value of the costumes: In the earlier episode, Emma wore her corset in a scheme to undermine John Ross and Pamela’s marriage; in “Where There’s Smoke,” Pamela wore hers in a scheme to ruin John Ross and Emma’s affair. Like J.R.’s wristwatch and Candace’s blue dress, it’s another example of how costumes play an important role in “Dallas’s” storytelling.

Two more looks in “Where There’s Smoke” caught my eye. Costume designer Rachel Sage Kunin smartly dressed Josh Henderson in another three-piece suit, which helped project John Ross’s sense of confidence when he finally met Judith Ryland. And even though many of us were heartbroken when Christopher shaved off his beard, the loss was eased a bit by seeing Jesse Metcalfe sport that nifty brown varsity jacket. Not only is the jacket stylish — the lettermen look is big in menswear this spring — but what could be a better accessory for all-American Christopher?

Let’s just hope the Ewings know a good dry cleaner; that jacket is going to be full of soot come August.

What were your favorite looks in “Where There’s Smoke”? Share your thoughts in the comments section below and read more “Dallas Styles.”

Filed Under: Dallas Styles, Dallas Styles (TNT), Features Tagged With: Emma Bell, Jesse Metcalfe, Josh Henderson, Julie Gonzalo, Rachel Sage Kunin, TNT, Where There’s Smoke

Say What?! This Week’s Best Dallas Sound Bites

April 17, 2014 by Chris Baker 1 Comment

“Dallas” delivers the most delicious dialogue on television. Here are the best sound bites from “Where There’s Smoke,” this week’s episode.

What are your favorite lines from “Where There’s Smoke”? Share them below and read more “Say What?!”

Filed Under: Dallas Sound Bites, Features Tagged With: Judith Light, Mitch Pileggi, TNT, Where There’s Smoke

TNT’s Dallas Scene of the Day: ‘We Could’ve Worked, Annie’

April 16, 2014 by Chris Baker 3 Comments

Ann Ewing, Brenda Strong, Dallas, Harris Ryland, Mitch Pileggi, TNT, Where There's Smoke

Oh, the humanity!

In “Where There’s Smoke,” a third-season “Dallas” episode, Ann and Harris (Brenda Strong, Mitch Pileggi) walk out of his house.

ANN: It’s crazy, everything that’s happened in that house, not to feel —

HARRIS: Repulsed?

ANN: [Sighs] Afraid. Every time I came here when I was young, even when things were good between us, I always felt so unsettled.

HARRIS: That’s called “my mother.” [Ann chuckles.] I’m sorry I was so weak, Annie.

ANN: Weak? Back then, you were the strongest man I knew.

HARRIS: Yeah, strong to you, maybe. But I let her control me too much. Listened to her too much. And it all went awry.

ANN: Well, it wasn’t just you. I was young and reckless. Running away from a life I didn’t want. You know, I think if I had paused for one second, I would’ve seen I was too young and too screwed up to think running off with anyone at 17 was a good idea.

HARRIS: I don’t know. I think we could’ve worked, Annie. I loved you. I just think we never had a chance. We should never have remained in this house, not with that woman living here. She destroys everything she ever touches. She destroyed the most important part of my life: You. [He kisses her. She lingers, then pulls away.]

ANN: I should go.

HARRIS: I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Annie. I’m sorry.

She walks away as Judith (Judith Light) watches from an upstairs window, seething.

Filed Under: Dallas Scenes of the Day, Dallas Scenes of the Day (TNT), Features Tagged With: Brenda Strong, Judith Light, Mitch Pileggi, TNT, Where There’s Smoke

Critique: TNT’s ‘Dallas’ Episode 33 — ‘Where There’s Smoke’

April 16, 2014 by Chris Baker 33 Comments

Dallas, Julie Gonzalo, Pamela Rebecca Barnes Ewing, TNT, Where There's Smoke

What’s she thinking?

Southfork catches fire again in “Where There’s Smoke,” although much of the heat in this episode comes from Pamela’s ménage a trois with John Ross and Emma. It’s shocking to see her make out with her husband and his mistress, although Pamela’s sudden seizure at the end of the scene proves an even bigger surprise. When I watched this cliffhanger for the first time the other night, I was left with a slew of questions: Is this an accident, or does the pill bottle in Pamela’s pocket mean she intentionally overdosed? Is she trying to kill herself, or does she merely want to scare John Ross and Emma? Could she be faking it?

It turns out we don’t have to wait until August, when “Dallas’s” third season will resume, for the answers to most of these questions: Yesterday, showrunner Cynthia Cidre told TV Line that Pamela was out to “punish” John Ross and Emma. “She wanted them to never be able to have sex again without thinking of her vomiting on them,” Cidre said. Well, OK then.

This still leaves open the question of whether or not Pamela is like Sue Ellen, which is probably the most interesting point to debate anyway. Earlier in the episode, Pamela puts down her mother-in-law, telling her she isn’t “weak” and “sniveling” like her. (Linda Gray’s reaction shots in this scene are heartbreaking.) By taking revenge against John Ross and Emma instead of hitting the bottle like Sue Ellen, Pamela seems to prove her point. On the other hand, if vengeance involves swallowing pills, is Pamela really all that different from Sue Ellen? Perhaps this storyline is meant to fit with one of this season’s broader themes, which is how “Dallas’s” younger generation is doomed to repeat the old guard’s mistakes.

But no matter how this cliffhanger is resolved, there’s no doubt the big sex scene has raised a ruckus among “Dallas” fans. Some say the series went too far by showing a three-way; others love the unexpected twist. I’m in the latter camp. Without question, the show is going out of its way to be provocative, but let’s face it: Sex has always been part of “Dallas’s” DNA. Isn’t this is the show that began with a teenage girl rolling around in the hay with a silver-haired cowboy? Besides, I don’t find John Ross, Pamela and Emma kissing and fondling each other as distasteful as seeing J.R. force Holly Harwood to have sex with him against her will, which is what happened in a 1983 episode. Now that was disturbing.

To me, the threesome feels like a fitting climax to a storyline that’s been building since the end of the previous season, when John Ross and Emma first cavorted in an Omni hotel room. I especially like how Cidre and Robert Rovner, who co-wrote this episode, bring everything full circle by bringing back Pamela and Emma’s green corsets. You also have to hand it to the actors: Josh Henderson does a nice job conveying John Ross’s hesitation about joining Pamela and Emma in bed — you can feel the character’s bewilderment — while Emma Bell always makes her character seem like she’s up for anything. Of course, the standout is Julie Gonzalo. Pamela hasn’t had much to do lately except gaze adoringly at John Ross, but “Where There’s Smoke” makes up for it. During the course of a single day, Pamela goes from feeling stunned to hurt to angry to aroused, and Gonzalo nails every scene. She’s become one of “Dallas’s” most reliable performers.

Surprisingly, I find the Pamela/John Ross/Emma cliffhanger more compelling than the Southfork fire, which lacks suspense. Is there any doubt Sue Ellen, Bobby and Christopher will all survive? A bigger problem: This fire seems like it comes from out of nowhere, unlike the 1983 version, when the inferno felt like the perfect way to end a season in which everything went to hell for the Ewings. Nevertheless, the “Where There’s Smoke” fire is a technical marvel. The special effects are superb, and whether or not it’s intentional, director Michael M. Robin and cinematographer Rodney Charters mimic some of the shots from the original fire. (You can see a side-by-side comparison on my Facebook page.)

More “Where There’s Smoke” highlights: Patrick Duffy is terrific in the scene where Bobby blows up at Ann, although as one Dallas Decoder reader pointed out on Twitter, Bobby is being a bit of a hypocrite. Yes, Ann probably should’ve told her husband about John Ross and Emma’s affair, but has Bobby gotten around to telling his wife that he framed Cliff for J.R.’s “murder?” Meanwhile, Ann and Harris’s kiss is surprisingly moving. This scene works not just because Brenda Strong and Mitch Pileggi are so good in their roles, but also because the show has taken its time telling their story, slowly revealing Ann’s vulnerability and Harris’s humanity.

I also like seeing Christopher and Heather grow closer — the ever-expanding McCabe clan is quickly surpassing the Ramoses as the show’s most believably down-to-earth family — and I’m glad this episode keeps the Mexican cartel and brothel business to a merciful minimum. It’s also good to see Elena acknowledge that J.R. — not Christopher — hurt her father; isn’t this what fans have been screaming at their TVs all season? The next scene, where Nicolas pokes holes in Elena’s diaphragm, is puzzling: By impregnating her, does he hope to control her? On the other hand, if this is the reason the Doors’ “Break On Through (To the Other Side)” was chosen for the episode-ending montage, I’m all for it.

Finally, like a lot of fans, I’m not sure what to make of the fact “North By Northwest” is playing on Sue Ellen’s TV when she gets drunk before the fire starts. In the movie, Cary Grant plays a man who unwittingly falls into a spy game but ultimately turns the tables on his enemies and takes control of the situation. Could this be a signal that Gray’s character is about to get back on track? Or is the film’s appearance nothing more than a sly plug for Turner Classic Movies, one of TNT’s sister channels?

I hope it’s the former. I’ve been patient while “Dallas” allows Sue Ellen’s relapse to play out, but now that she’s back where her fall from the wagon began — in the bedroom where J.R. once slept — it feels like this storyline has come full circle too. Is this where our beloved heroine begins the road back to sobriety? That’s the real cliffhanger, isn’t it?

Grade: B

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Full circle?

‘WHERE THERE’S SMOKE’

Season 3, Episode 8

Telecast: April 14, 2014

Audience: 2.1 million viewers on April 14

Writers: Cynthia Cidre and Robert Rovner

Director: Michael M. Robin

Synopsis: Pamela sees the video of John Ross and Emma and lashes out at Sue Ellen and Ann when she realizes they knew about the affair. Bobby becomes angry at Ann for keeping the secret from him, which prompts her to turn to Harris, who kisses her. John Ross figures out Harris has been trying to frame him and tells Judith to call off her son, while Judith urges Emma to turn on John Ross. Drew tells Nicolas he wants to settle the feud with the Ewings “with blood,” while Nicolas sabotages Elena’s birth control when she begins getting cold feet about their revenge scheme. Pamela finds John Ross and Emma in a hotel room and has a threesome with them, only to begin convulsing after an apparent overdose. Bobby and Christopher learn Bo blames the Ewings for his troubles and come home to Southfork to find the house in flames with Sue Ellen passed out inside.

Cast: Kuno Becker (Drew Ramos), Emma Bell (Emma Ryland), Donny Boaz (Bo McCabe), Jordana Brewster (Elena Ramos), Dallas Clark (Michael McCabe), Jude Demorest (Candace), Juan Pablo Di Pace (Nicolas Treviño), Akai Draco (Sheriff Derrick), Patrick Duffy (Bobby Ewing), Julie Gonzalo (Pamela Ewing), Linda Gray (Sue Ellen Ewing), Josh Henderson (John Ross Ewing), Antonio Jaramillo (Luis), Judith Light (Judith Ryland), AnnaLynne McCord (Heather McCabe), Jesse Metcalfe (Christopher Ewing), Kevin Page (Bum), Mitch Pileggi (Harris Ryland), Brenda Strong (Ann Ewing), Steven Walters (Reece)

“Where There’s Smoke” is available at DallasTNT.com, Amazon.com and iTunes. Watch the episode and share your comments below.

Filed Under: Critiques, Critiques (TNT), Opinion Tagged With: Brenda Strong, Cynthia Cidre, Emma Bell, Josh Henderson, Julie Gonzalo, Linda Gray, Michael M. Robin, Mitch Pileggi, Patrick Duffy, Robert Rovner, Rodney Charters, TNT, Where There’s Smoke

Drill Bits: Cliffhanger Gives ‘Dallas’ a Ratings Boost

April 15, 2014 by Chris Baker 10 Comments

AnnaLynne McCord, Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Heather McCabe, Jesse Metcalfe, TNT, Where There's Smoke

Holding on

“Dallas’s” midseason cliffhanger brought the show its second biggest Monday audience this year. The episode, “Where There’s Smoke,” debuted to 2.1 million viewers on April 14, including 714,000 viewers in the advertiser-prized demographic of adults between ages 18 and 49. This is “Dallas’s” most-watched Monday telecast since the third-season premiere, “The Return,” drew 2.7 million viewers on February 24.

“Dallas’s” overall audience grew about 10 percent from last week. This brings the show’s season-to-date average to 1.9 million viewers on Mondays at 9 p.m., down from 2.7 million viewers in this time slot last year. However, when you count DVR users who record “Dallas” and watch it within three days, this season’s average rises to 2.8 million viewers.

“Dallas’s” previous episode, “Like a Bad Penny,” debuted on April 7 to 1.8 million viewers, including 580,000 adults between ages 18 and 49. With DVR playback, the “Like a Bad Penny” audience rose to 2.6 million viewers, including 1.1 million adults between ages 25 and 54, an audience TNT targets.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering: When “Dallas” set Southfork ablaze in 1983, the episode, “Ewing Inferno,” was seen in 20.3 million homes, ranking second in the weekly ratings.

Remember: ‘Dallas’ Returns August 18

“Dallas” is over for the spring, but we still have the summer episodes to look forward to. TNT plans to bring the show back for the second half of its third season, beginning Monday, August 18. That’s just 125 days from tonight.

“Drill Bits,” a roundup of news about TNT’s “Dallas,” is published regularly. Share your comments below.

Filed Under: Drill Bits, News Tagged With: AnnaLynne McCord, Ewing Inferno, Jesse Metcalfe, Like a Bad Penny, Return, TNT, Where There’s Smoke

TNT’s Dallas Recap: ‘Where There’s Smoke’

April 15, 2014 by Chris Baker 33 Comments

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, TNT, Where There's Smoke

Devil may call

Here’s what happened in “Where There’s Smoke,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode:

• Pamela learned the truth about John Ross and Emma. While John Ross (Josh Henderson) met with contractors to discuss adding a “master suite” for him and Pamela (Julie Gonzalo) at Southfork, she checked her phone and discovered the video that showed him having sex with Emma. Pamela told Sue Ellen and Ann (Linda Gray, Brenda Strong) about the video and was stunned to discover they already knew about the affair, so she angrily ordered them out of the room. But this was nothing compared to the reaction from Bobby (Patrick Duffy), who went ballistic when he discovered his wife had withheld the truth about John Ross and Emma’s fling. “What is it that’s so hardwired in you that you keep the most important events in your life secret from your husband?” Bobby shouted. He also told Ann that Emma was no longer welcome at Southfork. “Please tell your ex-husband he’s responsible for her safety from now on,” Bobby said.

• John Ross tangled with Judith. After Bum (Kevin Page) told John Ross that Candace (Jude Demorest) was a prostitute, John Ross realized Harris had been trying to use her to frame him. John Ross went to the brothel and told Judith (Judith Light) to call off her son. “I will do anything to protect my family,” John Ross said. As soon as he departed, Emma (Emma Bell) emerged from a secret passage in Judith’s office, where Judith warned her eavesdropping granddaughter that John Ross is only interested in Ryland Transport, not in Emma. Judith urged Emma to get revenge against her lover. “You have the pictures of John Ross with the 16-year-old — and you have the dress. Use them,” Judith said.

• Nicolas deceived Elena. Nicolas (Juan Pablo Di Pace) received a surprise visit from Drew (Kuno Becker), who asked for his help in striking back against the Ewings. Nicolas told Drew to be patient and allow his scheme with Elena to play out, but Drew didn’t want to hear it. “This is a blood feud that can only be settled with blood,” he said before running away. Nicolas called Luis (Antonio Jaramillo) and told him to find Drew before he ruined their plans. “I know I’m the one in debt, but it is the Ewing deal that puts the cartel much closer to overthrowing the Mexican government,” Nicolas said. He then went home to Elena (Jordana Brewster), who was beginning to realize her conspiracy against the Ewings was misguided. “Christopher never hurt my father. J.R. did. He’s dead,” Elena said. Nicolas assured her that they aren’t wrong to seek revenge — and when Elena wasn’t looking, he punctured holes in her diaphragm before they had sex.

• Ann and Harris grew closer. After incurring Bobby’s wrath, Ann showed up on Harris’s doorstep to let him know Emma will no longer be living at Southfork. Harris (Mitch Pileggi) and Ann reminisced about their marriage, and he told her he was sorry he let his mother come between them. Said Harris: “I loved you. I just think we never had a chance. We should never have remained in this house. Not with that woman living here. She destroys everything she ever touches. She destroyed the most important part of my life: you.” Harris then kissed Ann, but she turned and walked away — as a seething Judith watched them from an upstairs window.

• Christopher came to Heather’s rescue. After shaving off his beard, Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe) told Heather (AnnaLynne McCord) he’d like to get serious with her — and then she found out Bo had taken Michael and disappeared. With help from Sheriff Derrick (Akai Draco), Bobby, Christopher and Heather found Michael (Dallas Clark) with Bo’s brother Reece (Steven Walters), who told them that Bo blames the Ewings for all his problems. “Bo’s headed back to Dallas. He’s coming for everyone at Southfork,” Reece said.

• Things got hot. While Emma summoned John Ross to a hotel room, Sue Ellen approached Pamela at Southfork and explained that she was only trying to protect her daughter-in-law from the kind of pain she suffered at J.R.’s hands. “I’m not you. I’m not a weak, sniveling drunk like you,” Pamela said. She then used her phone’s GPS capabilities to track down John Ross at the hotel, where she walked in on him and Emma, who was clad in the green corset. “Love what you’re wearing,” Pamela said before removing her raincoat and revealing that she was wearing her green corset too. To the surprise of John Ross, Emma and the audience, Pamela then said, “May I join you?” The three of them began making out — and then Pamela started convulsing. As Emma dialed 911, John Ross discovered a bottle of pills in Pamela’s coat pocket and tried furiously to revive his wife. “Wake up, baby, wake up!” he pleaded.

• … And then things got hotter. Back at the ranch, a drunk Sue Ellen slipped into John Ross and Pamela’s bedroom and knocked back some of their liquor before passing out. Outside, Bo (Donny Boaz) approached Southfork with a cigarette in his mouth; moments later, when a fire mysteriously began inside the house, Bo could be seen watching the flames sweep through a room. Finally, Bobby and Christopher arrived and raced into Southfork. Bobby called out for Sue Ellen and Ann — until part of the ceiling appeared to cave in on him and Christopher and the words “To Be Continued” flashed onto the screen.

What did you think of “Where There’s Smoke”? Share your comments below and look for Dallas Decoder’s critique later this week.

Filed Under: Dallas Recaps, Features Tagged With: Akai Draco, AnnaLynne McCord, Brenda Strong, Dallas Clark, Donny Boaz, Emma Bell, Jesse Metcalfe, Jordana Brewster, Josh Henderson, Juan Pablo di Pace, Jude Demorest, Judith Light, Julie Gonzalo, Kevin Page, Linda Gray, Mitch Pileggi, Patrick Duffy, Steven Walters, TNT, Where There’s Smoke

Wake Up, Darlins! It’s Time for #DallasChat

April 14, 2014 by Chris Baker 8 Comments

Dallas, Julie Gonzalo, Pamela Rebecca Barnes Ewing, TNT

Hangin’ with Ms. Cooper

Did you enjoy “Where There’s Smoke,” this week’s episode of TNT’s “Dallas”? Let’s discuss it during my next #DallasChat on Twitter, which I’ll hold Tuesday, April 15, from to 9 to 10 p.m. Eastern.

Leave your suggested questions about “Where There’s Smoke” in the comments section below, tweet them to me @DallasDecoder or post them to my Facebook page. I’ll choose one or more questions and ask them during our discussion.

Here’s a sample exchange:

Q1. What do you think will happen to Pamela on #DallasTNT? #DallasChat

A1. May she come back fighting and give John Ross everything he has coming to him! #DallasTNT #DallasChat

Here are two tips:

• Be sure to include #DallasChat in your tweets. This allows the other participants to see your contributions to the conversation.

I promise you’ll have fun. Don’t miss it!

Filed Under: #DallasChat, #DallasChat announcements, Opinion Tagged With: Julie Gonzalo, TNT, Where There’s Smoke

The Dallas Decoder Guide to Household Safety

April 14, 2014 by Chris Baker 8 Comments

Bobby Ewing, Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Jesse Metcalfe, Patrick Duffy, TNT, Where There's Smoke

Here they go again

No one should be surprised to see Southfork go up in flames in “Where There’s Smoke,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode. The Ewings aren’t exactly the poster family for exercising care and caution around the house, are they? Here’s a look at the everyday, common sense practices they routinely ignore.

B.D. Calhoun, Dallas, Hunter von Leer, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Don’t hit the snooze button

Lock your doors. It sounds so simple, and yet the Ewings never seem to grasp the importance of this one. When B.D. Calhoun (Hunter von Leer) tried to kill J.R., did he swarm Southfork with his band of gun-toting mercenaries-for-hire? Nope. Calhoun simply walked into the house in the middle of the night, climbed the stairs, slipped into J.R.’s room and left a ticking time bomb on the nightstand. Several years later, when Vicente Cano decided to hold the Ewings hostage in their living room, he too waltzed in through the front door. Sheesh! Look, Southfork doesn’t have that many entrances. Is it that hard to remember to lock them?

Looks right at home

Avoid fires. We can all agree open flames inside a home are almost never a good idea, right? So could someone please explain why J.R. (Larry Hagman) had all those candles burning at Southfork on the night Ray showed up to confront him over Mickey Trotter’s accident? I mean, it’s not like J.R. was trying to set a romantic mood for Sue Ellen, who was passed out drunk upstairs. Anyhow, J.R. and Ray got into a huge fistfight, the candles went crashing to the floor and before you knew it, the house was ablaze. Everyone escaped unharmed, although poor John Ross was so traumatized, he emerged from the tragedy looking like a different kid.

Alexis Smith, Dallas, Jessica Montfort, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Nuts for breakfast

Know your houseguests. Is there a polite way to ask potential guests if they have a history of mental health issues? If so, please pass this tip along to the Ewings, who are constantly offering room and board to people who belong in an insane asylum, not the spare bedroom at Southfork. Over the years, the Ewings’ overnight guests have included Jessica Montfort (Alexis Smith), who ended up kidnapping Miss Ellie and stuffing her in the trunk of her car; sex-crazed drug dealer Tommy McKay, who practically tried to rape April Stevens in John Ross’s bed; and that dreadful Cousin Jamie, who wasn’t crazy but drove everyone else bonkers.

Dallas, Donna Culver Krebbs, Ray Krebbs, Steve Kanaly, Susan Howard

Oh, Donna

Don’t provoke the animals. Oh, look. Here’s dear, pregnant Pam, who gets in accidents the way other people catch colds. Pam can’t find her husband Bobby, so she’s decided to ride her horse out to the barn to look for him. Pam, given your condition, are you sure that’s a good idea? Oops, too late: Pam fell off the horse. Oh, no. What’s happening now? Is our buddy Ray (Steve Kanaly) trying to introduce his pregnant wife Donna (Susan Howard) to one of the Southfork bulls? Ray, given your wife’s condition, are you sure that’s a good idea? Oops, too late: The bull got spooked and tried to charge Donna, who’s been knocked out cold. Sigh.

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duffy, Ray Krebbs, Steve Kanaly

Ka-booom!

Be a good neighbor. When you have a dispute with a neighbor, do you try to resolve it by talking things out? If so, you’re nothing like the Ewings, whose preferred approach to conflict resolution is to start blowing stuff up. Just ask Carter McKay. After he bought the ranch next to Southfork and got into a spat with the Ewings over water rights, they responded by stuffing McKay’s dam full of dynamite and blasting it to smithereens. This led to a war between the McKays and the Ewings — no, seriously, both families hired their own armies — which is surely a violation of the Braddock homeowners’ association bylaws.

Charlene Tilton, Dallas, Linda Gray, Lucy Ewing, Ray Krebbs, Sue Ellen Ewing, Steve Kanaly

Not now, Lucy

Beware of heights. Elevated spaces can be dangerous. We all know this, right? So why can’t the Ewings and their friends steer clear of them? Klutzy Pam fell from the hayloft — and suffered a miscarriage, no less. Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) and Clayton each tumbled down the stairs — although not at the same time, thank goodness. And when a couple of renegade oil barons began chasing secretary Julie Grey, she went to the roof of her building because … well, why not? Then there’s poor Kristin, who figured the Southfork balcony was the perfect place to try to blackmail the man she once pumped full of lead. We all know how well that turned out.

Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Joshua Harris

Killer fashions

Protect the kids. Do you see the tragedy that’s about to unfold in this picture? I’m not referring to the fact that little Christopher (Joshua Harris) is pulling Bobby’s gun out of the bedroom closet so he can play with it. Ewings love guns; that’s just a fact of life and nothing will ever change it. No, I’m talking about that L.A. Gear shoebox. Does this mean Pam wore L.A. Gears, the gaudiest sneakers known to man? You don’t suppose they were neon pink high-tops, do you? Look, I don’t care if it was the ’80s; how could Pam subject her family to those ugly shoes? For goodness sake, Pam, think of the children!

Bobby Ewing, Cliff Barnes, Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Ken Kercheval, Larry Hagman, Patrick Duffy

Way to make a splash

Don’t go near the water. You know what swimming pools are for? Swimming. They’re not the place to settle scores with Cliff Barnes (Ken Kercheval) and they’re not the place to work out Ewing Oil business disputes. Of course, just try telling this to the Ewings, who are constantly shoving their enemies — and each other — into the Southfork pool. Everyone gets dunked — fully clothed and against their will — at one point or another. Or at least that’s what used to happen on “Dallas.” This might be the one area of household safety where the Ewings have learned their lesson, which is kind of a shame. I mean, where’s the fun in that?

What have they done now?

Get some insurance. Maybe the reason the Ewings aren’t more careful around the house is because they’ve got the best insurance policy ever: Bobby (Patrick Duffy). No matter what mishaps befall these people, they know good ol’ Bob will save the day. Southfork catches fire? Bobby will come along in the nick of time to make sure everyone gets out alive. Range war with McKay? Bobby will go Chuck Norris on his ass and single-handedly disarm his militia. That termite Cliff starts a pool fight? Well, Bobby won’t break up the scuffle, but he’ll make damn sure Barnes gets the beating he deserves. Bobby, this is why we love you. Never leave us, OK?

What have the Ewings taught you about household safety? Share your comments below and read more “Dallas Decoder Guides.”

Filed Under: Dallas Decoder Guide to ..., Features Tagged With: Alexis Smith, Hunter von Leer, Jesse Metcalfe, Joshua Harris, Ken Kercheval, Larry Hagman, Linda Gray, Patrick Duffy, Steve Kanaly, Susan Howard, TNT, Where There’s Smoke

Dallas Burning Questions: Season 3, Week 8

April 14, 2014 by Chris Baker 10 Comments

Ann Ewing, Brenda Strong, Dallas, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, Where There's Smoke, TNT

Hold on, darlins

Here are the questions we’re pondering as we await tonight’s telecast of “Where There’s Smoke,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode:

• How will the Southfork fire start? It’s no secret there’ll be another Ewing inferno in “Where There’s Smoke” — TNT’s promos for the episode show Southfork engulfed in flames. The question is: How does the blaze begin? There are lots of people living on the ranch these days, including Bobby and Ann (Patrick Duffy, Brenda Strong) and John Ross and Pamela (Josh Henderson, Julie Gonzalo), along with Sue Ellen (Linda Gray), Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe), Emma (Emma Bell), Elena (Jordana Brewster) and Carmen (Marlene Forte). Does one of these characters start the fire through some act of household carelessness? Or could the fire be an act of revenge by one of the many enemies who have the Ewings in their crosshairs?

• What will Pamela do? “Like a Bad Penny,” the previous episode, ended with Nicolas (Juan Pablo Di Pace) sending Pamela the video of John Ross having sex with Emma. We didn’t see Pamela receive Nicolas’s message, but TNT’s promo shows her walking in on John Ross and Emma together in bed, so the truth is going to come out, one way or another. The question is: How will Pamela respond? She has a mixed record of dealing with bad news: When Christopher dumped her at the end of Season 1, she vowed revenge and turned into a bitch-on-wheels, but when she lost her twins during Season 2, she went into an emotional tailspin. Which Pamela will we see tonight?

• Will Sue Ellen stop drinking? After Bobby and Ann sprang Sue Ellen from the sanitarium, they brought her home to Southfork, where she rankled John Ross by supporting Bobby’s decision to hire his old college buddy, banker Cal Hanna (Jonathan Adams), to shepherd Ewing Global through its initial public offering. Of course, business is probably the last thing on Sue Ellen’s mind. Her doctor warned Bobby and Ann that Sue Ellen will be “a danger to herself” if she doesn’t get her drinking under control. In that light, it’s probably worth pointing out that in the “Where There’s Smoke” publicity photo above, Sue Ellen is standing next to a liquor decanter. What, if anything, should we make of that?

• What’s up with the Rylands? Everyone and their mother are out to get the Ewings these days. In the case of the Rylands, that’s literally true: Although Harris (Mitch Pileggi) has been growing closer to Ann, he’s also been trying to frame John Ross for a sex crime with help from his bordello-running mama, Judith (Judith Light), and one of her prostitutes, Candace (Jude Demorest). But Harris’s plan suffered a setback: When he fired Candace, she blabbed about the scheme to Emma, who somehow nabbed the dress Candace was planning to use to incriminate John Ross. What’s Emma going to do with the dress? And what will Ann, Harris and Judith have to say about it?

• What’s up with the cartel? When Drew (Kuno Becker) returned to Dallas, he discovered J.R. swindled the Ramoses out of their land, vowed to make the whole Ewing family pay for J.R.’s greed and then disappeared into the night. Nicolas promised Elena he would use “every resource” at his disposal to find Drew and, true to his word, he sought help from his secret business partner: the Mexican gangster Luis (Antonio Jaramillo), who is in cahoots with Nicolas and Hunter McKay (Fran Kranz) in a secret plot to seize control of Ewing Global and use the company to launder the Mendez-Ochoa cartel’s drug money. If Luis finds Drew, what will he do with him? Also, does Nicolas’s connection to Luis mean the cartel is the Treviño benefactor that Lucia (Angélica Celaya) referred to a few episodes ago?

• What unexpected twists will occur? It’s also unclear where Christopher’s relationship with Heather (AnnaLynne McCord) is headed, especially now that we know her hard-drinking ex-husband, Bo (Donny Boaz), wants to reconcile with her. But this isn’t the only “x” factor to watch out for tonight. Entertainment Weekly’s latest issue teases “Where There’s Smoke” will include “adultery, a diaphragm sabotaged by a pin and a super-graphic threesome that would make Caligula blush.” Also, according to EW, the hour will end with “at least” four characters’ lives in danger. Who will they be? More importantly: What will we all do with ourselves until “Dallas’s” third season resumes in August?

What “Dallas Burning Questions” are on your mind? Share your comments below and watch TNT’s “Dallas” tonight.