The Dallas Decoder Guide to the McKay Family

Carter McKay, Dallas, George Kennedy

Big kahuna

The McKays are back! The family that feuded with the Ewings during the original “Dallas’s” later years is slowly creeping back into TNT’s sequel series: Hunter, a McKay grandson, was introduced earlier this year, while this week’s episode, “Victims of Love,” will bring back Tracey, who’s now played by Melinda Clarke. Need a refresher on the McKays and where they fit into the Ewing-verse? Read on.

Carter McKay, Dallas, George Kennedy

Devil next door

Carter, the meanest McKay. When Dreadful Jenna Wade™ forced our beloved Ray Krebbs to move with her to “Europe,” he sold his Southfork-adjacent ranch to Carter McKay (George Kennedy), who turned out to be the crummiest neighbor a Ewing could ask for. Carter constantly threw loud parties and borrowed Miss Ellie’s tools without returning them. Kidding! The real reason Carter sucked was because he started a range war with the Ewings in a convoluted scheme to seize control of Section 40, the oil-drenched Southfork parcel that everyone on “Dallas” tries to seize at one point or another. Although the Ewings won the war and kept their land, Carter had the last laugh: In “Dallas’s” final episodes, he sold his ranch and saddled the Ewings with an even worse next-door neighbor — Michelle Stevens.

Bobby Ewing, Carter McKay, Dallas, George Kennedy, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Big fish, little fish

… And also the sharpest. When Carter wasn’t bringing down the Braddock County property values, he was shaking up the oil biz. Carter was revealed as the brains behind Westar, Ewing Oil’s biggest rival, and the puppeteer who had been pulling Jeremy Wendell’s strings for years. (All together, “Dallas” diehards: Yeah, right!) Actually, Carter really did display solid business acumen. For example, when J.R. and Bobby (Larry Hagman, Patrick Duffy) backed out of a deal to supply the Soviets with Texas crude — citing patriotism! — Carter stole the deal and schooled the brothers on how the world really worked, delivering a prophetic, Chayefskian speech (“Whatever America used to be, it isn’t anymore. …”). Carter’s biggest coup: Tricking J.R. into giving up control of Ewing Oil in “Dallas’s” penultimate episode!

Beth Toussaint, Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duffy, Tracey McKay Lawton

Do the hustle

Tracey, the sexiest McKay. Bobby and Cliff were chillin’ at a pool hall one night in ’88 — because that’s how the Barneses and the Ewings rolled that year — when jean-skirted Tracey Lawton caught the eye of the recently divorced Bob. Back then, Tracey was played by Beth Toussaint, who looked a lot like “Terminator” heroine Linda Hamilton, but with poutier lips and punier biceps. Tracey turned out to be a pool shark, but that wasn’t her only secret: She was also a recent divorcee (hence the “Lawton”) and Carter’s estranged daughter. Once again, Bobby found himself playing Romeo, but his romance with this Juliet dimmed pretty quickly and Tracey soon departed Dallas. She didn’t leave in bandages like Bobby’s first Juliet, although somewhere along the way, Tracey — like Pamdid pick up a new face.

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, J. Eddie Peck, Patrick Duffy, Tommy McKay

Tommyknocker

Tommy, the nuttiest McKay. Oh, this guy was a total whack job. Tommy, Carter’s drug-dealing son, arrived at the McKay ranch after serving a jail sentence in “South America,” and when Tommy wasn’t making a quick buck by spying for J.R. or screaming in the rain, he was hitting on every woman on the show. In April’s case, Tommy hit on her literally, which prompted Bobby to beat the j. eddie peck out of him. Tommy tried to get revenge by blowing up Bobby, and when that failed, the gun-wielding loon was accidentally shot and killed during a struggle with dear old dad. Tracey told Bobby she didn’t blame him for Tommy’s death, but warned him about Carter: “Stay out of his way, Bobby. I don’t want to come to your funeral.” (Silly Tracey. The show already did that storyline!)

Dallas, Jeri Gaile, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Rose McKay

Desk job

Rose, the awesomest McKay. Although Carter was sweet on Sue Ellen, he married Rose Daniels (Jeri Gaile), an Iowa farm-girl-turned-beautician with a penchant for bold print dresses and shoulder-brushing earrings. Rose loved “Mac” and did almost anything he asked, including sleeping with Cliff Barnes so Carter could videotape the encounter and use it to derail Cliff’s resurgent political career. Poor judgment aside, Rose was a hoot because she spent most of her time sashaying around the house in heels and lingerie with a drink in her hand, and Gaile brought a lot of heart to the role, making Rose one of the brighter lights during “Dallas’s” later years. Best of all, when Rose finally got fed up with Carter, she knew how to teach him a lesson: by having sex with J.R. on her husband’s desk! Good going, darlin’.

Carter McKay, Dallas, George Kennedy, Linda Gray, Peter Ellington, Philip Anglim, Sue Ellen Ewing

Aiding the enemy

Ellington, the adopted McKay. When Carter wasn’t siring nutjobs like Tommy, he was putting them on his payroll. First there was snarlin’ Fred Hughes, Carter’s right-hand man during the range war, whose solution to every problem was to shoot a Ewing. Miss Ellie once referred to Hughes as Carter’s “pet dog,” which tells you everything you need to know about what a jerk he was. Then there was Peter Ellington (Philip Anglim), McKay’s sidekick during the “War of the Ewings” reunion movie. Ellington was super enthused about pushing through his boss’s latest deal with the Ewings — to the point of trying to blow up J.R. and taking Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) hostage. Is it me, or was Ellington a little too — what’s the expression I’m looking for here? — into Carter McKay? Did Rose know about this?

Dallas, Fran Kranz, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, Juan Pablo Di Pace, Nicolas Trevino, TNT

Splitting heirs

Hunter, the mystery McKay. John Ross (Josh Henderson) mentioned playing basketball with “the McKay brothers” during TNT’s first season of “Dallas,” but we didn’t meet one of them until this year, when Hunter showed up and told John Ross how he made a killing by taking his video game company public. Later, we learned Hunter has revenge on his mind and is secretly helping Nicolas and the drug cartel take over Ewing Global. If Hunter is Carter’s grandson, does that make him Tommy’s son? If so, does he hold a grudge against the Ewings because he blames them for his father’s death? Most importantly: Now that Hunter’s here and Tracey’s back, will more McKays show up? No matter how it all turns out, just remember: Whatever trouble the McKays cause next, their arrival in Dallas can be traced back to one person — that awful Jenna Wade. Everything is always her fault, isn’t it?

What do you remember about the McKays? Share your comments below and read more “Dallas Decoder Guides.”

The Dallas Decoder Guide to Surviving a Hostage Crisis

Blame Game, Dallas, Drew Ramos, Kuno Becker, TNT

Drew to the rescue

In “Blame Game,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode, Vicente Cano ambushes Southfork and holds the Ewings captive. Dumb move, Vicente. These people are experts at surviving hostage crises, as they demonstrated time and again on the original “Dallas” and its “Knots Landing” spinoff. Let them show you how.

Charlene Tilton, Cooper Huckabee, Dallas, Lucy Ewing, Payton Allen

Light her fire

Beware of cute boys with shaggy hair. The best way to survive hostage crises is to avoid them altogether – a lesson Lucy (Charlene Tilton) learned the hard way. When Payton Allen (Cooper Huckabee) showed up at Southfork one windy afternoon, she flirted with him shamelessly – until he took her whole family hostage. Eight episodes later, when Lucy saw Willie Gust at a roadside diner, she gave him a coquettish glance. His response: taking her hostage as he traversed Texas in his far-out custom van, waging a one-man crime spree.

Brian Dennehy, Dallas, Greg Evigan, Luther Frick, Willie Gust

Bear and B.J.

Don’t get star-struck. Once you find yourself in a hostage situation, you may notice that at least one of your captors looks familiar. In the Ewings’ cases, Willie (Greg Evigan) bore a striking resemblance to that one guy who used to ride around in a semi-truck with a monkey (or that one guy who raised a daughter with Paul Reiser), while Luther Frick (Brian Dennehy), Payton’s partner in crime, looked an awful lot like that one guy who’s been in everything. Don’t let this cause you to lower your defenses. Remember: These are bad men!

Dallas, Ginger Ward, Joan Van Ark, Karen Fairgate, Kim Lankford, Knots Landing, Michele Lee, Valene Ewing

Please, Karen. Not again.

Stay calm. Don’t let this picture mislead you. When Val (Joan Van Ark) threw a baby shower for her Seaview Circle neighbor Ginger (Kim Lankford) and armed robbers burst in and took everyone hostage, the ladies remained admirably restrained. The only reason they look panicked here is because Karen (Michele Lee) was threatening to recite her famous “Pollyanna speech” for the umpteenth time. Kidding! We love you, Karen. And you’re right: Nice should be the norm. If only the hostage-takers of the world felt that way!

Dallas, Linda Gray, Peter Ellington, Philip Anglim, Sue Ellen Ewing

Hurt her and you’ll answer to us

Keep your priorities straight. J.R. was hashing out a big oil deal with Bobby, Ray and Carter McKay when he discovered McKay’s nutty protégé Peter Ellington (Philip Anglim) was holding Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) at gunpoint in the next room. So what did J.R. do? He finished negotiating his deal of course! Once that was settled, J.R. let everyone know what was happening on the other side of the door so they could rescue Sue Ellen. Hey, don’t look so surprised. These are Ewings we’re talking about. Oil comes first. Always.

Abby Ewing, Dallas, Donna Mills, Knots Landing

Hi, bob

Always look your best. When villainous Mark St. Clair took Gary’s second wife Abby (Donna Mills) hostage in the back of a limousine during the final moments of “Knots Landing’s” 1983-84 season, her flaxen hair fell onto her shoulders. The following fall’s season premiere picked up moments later, yet Abby was now sporting a chic bob. How? Why? It was never explained. Perhaps she gave herself a trim to ensure she’d be camera-ready in case the press showed up to cover her eventual rescue. Now that’s thinking like a Ewing.

Abby Cunningham, Dallas, Donna Mills, Knots Landing

She never liked Val’s curtains anyway

Give Abby the weapon. Speaking of Abby: If you’re able to wrest control of your captor’s weapon and she happens to be nearby, by all means toss the instrument to her. She’ll know what to do with it. During Val’s baby-shower-from-hell, Abby used a fire extinguisher to blow away one of the bad guys (literally!). Later, during her own hostage crisis, Abby managed to grab St. Clair’s gun and turn it on him. In that instance, her rescuer Greg Sumner insisted she give him the gun. Just like him to waltz in and take over a show, isn’t it?

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

What’s the big deal?

Master the art of the fake-out. When J.R. (Larry Hagman) went to an abandoned theme park to negotiate the kidnapped John Ross’s release, the boy’s captor, B.D. Calhoun, thought J.R. was alone. Wrong! Bobby and Ray secretly tagged along and helped J.R. stage a daring rescue of his son. Years earlier, J.R. and Ray pulled a similar stunt when they helped Cliff negotiate Bobby’s release from a trio of dim-witted kidnappers. In that instance, Cliff was almost killed, which seemed to upset a lot of people. J.R. never understood why.

Charlene Tilton, Dallas, Lucy Ewing

Command performance

When all else fails, sing! If your captors are anything like the bad guys the Ewings encounter, chances are they’re going to want you to sing. Don’t ask why; apparently this is something hostage-takers do. You could be like Sue Ellen, who sobbed her way through Barbra Streisand’s “People” for Frick and Allen, or you could play it like Lucy, who was forced to enter a talent competition by Willie and absolutely killed it with her rendition of “Silver Threads and Golden Needles.” It was a great performance, but we wonder: Why didn’t Lucy sing “Rescue Me” instead?

What have the Ewings taught you about surviving a hostage crisis? Share your comments below and read more “Dallas Decoder Guides.”