TNT’s Dallas Styles: ‘Trust Me’

AnnaLynne McCord, Dallas, Harris Ryland, Heather, Juan Pablo Di Pace, Julie Gonzalo, Linda Gray, Mitch Pileggi, Nicolas Trevino, Pamela Rebecca Barnes Ewing, Sue Ellen Ewing, TNT, Trust Me

The crowd may have been smaller than in days gone by and no one got dunked in the pool, but there’s one area where this week’s Ewing Barbecue lived up to tradition: the clothing. The Southfork shindigs on the original “Dallas” always allowed the characters to dress a little more playfully than usual, and so did the barbecue in “Trust Me,” TNT’s latest episode.

My favorite look belonged to Linda Gray, who sported a nifty brown cowgirl hat that brought back memories of the hats Sue Ellen wore to the Southfork hoedowns of the 1980s. I also couldn’t help but smile when AnnaLynne McCord’s character, Heather, showed up at the party in that beautiful white dress; it reminded me of the simple, elegant dress Pam Ewing sported at “Dallas’s” first barbecue in 1978. I also loved how costume designer Rachel Sage Kunin paired Heather’s dress with weathered cowgirl boots; it was an ideal combination for McCord’s tomboyish character.

Juan Pablo Di Pace was the best-dressed man at the barbecue (although Jesse Metcalfe was a close second in that dark blue denim shirt). Nicolas, an out-of-town Latin American businessman, came to the party dressed just like we would expect him to: Instead of western garb, he wore a light-colored sport coat and trousers and an open-collared white shirt that strategically showcased the St. Christopher’s medal that’s so important to the character. I also loved Pamela’s blue blouse and dark pants and boots — and how gorgeous did Julie Gonzalo’s hair look under that Southfork sunshine? (Kudos, Charles Yusko!)

My other favorite wardrobe selection from “Trust Me”: the purple shirt Mitch Pileggi wore in the scene where Harris pulled a gun on Judith. Only Pileggi could make a paisley print look badass — and wasn’t it nice to finally see him in something other than the gray T-shirt he’s been wearing since the end of the second season?

What were your favorite looks in “Trust Me”? Share your thoughts in the comments section below and read more “Dallas Styles.”

Say What?! This Week’s Best Dallas Sound Bites

“Dallas” delivers the most delicious dialogue on television. The best sound bites from “Trust Me,” this week’s episode, come from a single source: Judith Ryland (Judith Light).

Dallas, Judith Light, Judith Ryland, Trust Me, TNT

What are your favorite lines from “Trust Me”? Share them below and read more “Say What?!”

TNT’s Dallas Scene of the Day: ‘Mama Like’

Judith Light, Judith Ryland, TNT, Trust Me

That’s one way to powder your nose

In “Trust Me,” a third-season “Dallas” episode, Harris and Judith (Mitch Pileggi, Judith Light) meet Luis (Antonio Jaramillo) in an equestrian center in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico.

LUIS: Harris, my friend. Good to see you out of jail.

HARRIS: [Shakes his hand] Thanks to you, my friend.

LUIS: The least I can do for a man who knows the value of silence. A talkative man might have faced a much different ending.

JUDITH: Harris, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?

LUIS: When your son told me he was bringing his mother, I was … surprised.

JUDITH: Please, call me Judith.

LUIS: I hate surprises, Judith. They can lead to … unpleasantness. [Turns, begins to walk away]

JUDITH: [Follows him, arm in arm with Harris] Be that as it may, I’m now in control of Ryland Transport, so you’ll need to deal with me.

LUIS: We have a level of trust with your son, which he’s earned with years of working together. [Turns to face her] You have not earned such trust.

JUDITH: You think I’m wired. You’re right. [Hands Harris her cane] We’ve only just met, and trust is the most important ingredient in a business relationship. [Unbuttons her jacket, exposes her bra, pulls Luis’s hands out of his pocket and places them on her body] Without trust, there can be … misunderstanding. [Moves his hands up and down her legs] And misunderstanding can lead to doubt. And doubt can lead to suspicion. I feel like we’ve known each other forever. [Places her hands on Luis’s chest] Don’t you? [Begins to button up again] Due to my son’s previous legal difficulties, we can assume that all Ryland trucks will be scrutinized at the border.

LUIS: We assume this as well.

JUDITH: That is why from now on, all the trucks we use will be owned by a shell company that will be carrying drilling fluid and wastewater.

LUIS: And what about the checkpoints inside of Texas? I believe those have been compromised as well.

JUDITH: We avoid them by staying off the highways. We use the shale trucking routes instead. Six thousand miles of unmapped private roads without a border patrol agent in sight. And all of this will cost you just pennies on the dollar more.

LUIS: Whoa, whoa, whoa. We’ve already got a deal in place.

JUDITH: Well, that was with my son. Every day your cocaine pipeline is shut down, it costs you millions. Let’s not quibble over crumbs.

LUIS: [Looks at Harris, who looks away] Agreed.

JUDITH: Now, let’s seal the deal with a taste of our product. [Luis summons a boy who hands him a box. He lifts the lid revealing cocaine. Judith smiles, picks up a tube and snorts a line.] Hot damn! Mama like. [She snorts another line, then rubs some on her gums]

LUIS: [Closes the box, hands it to the boy] All right. Now that I’ve agreed to your conditions, I think it’s time you agree to mine.

JUDITH: It’s the polite thing to do.

LUIS: One interruption in our supply chain was unfortunate. Another would be fatal — for you and your family.

HARRIS: My daughter has nothing to do with this!

LUIS: Which would make it all the more … tragic, don’t you think?

Critique: TNT’s ‘Dallas’ Episode 27 — ‘Trust Me’

Dallas, Harris Ryland, Judith Light, Judith Ryland, Mitch Pileggi, TNT, Trust Me

Snow job

Is “Trust Me” the most audacious episode in “Dallas” history? It’s hard to think of another one that shocked me more. Judith Ryland seals a deal with a Mexican drug lord by snorting a few lines of coke, Harris Ryland is revealed as a CIA informant — these are not the kinds of things we’re used to seeing on this show. Some fans are upset with the producers for taking our beloved franchise in such wild directions, but you’ll hear no complaints from me. “Dallas” measures its longevity in decades; at this point, I’d be disappointed if the people in charge weren’t exploring fresh storytelling terrain.

Besides, it’s not like the twists and turns come from out of nowhere. Both scenes fit with the theme of “Trust Me,” which shows how the characters deal with the people who doubt them — and how they deal with their doubts about themselves. The word “trust” pops up repeatedly: Harris tells Judith that Emma can’t be trusted. Elena and Nicolas each tell Carmen to trust their choice to work against the Ewings. Elena tells Christopher to trust her ability to handle Nicolas. Bobby wonders if the old Southfork seismographs can be trusted. Even when “trust” isn’t used, it’s implied: Witness the scene where John Ross stands in front of Pamela, raises his right hand and swears he isn’t cheating with his new secretary. Talk about splitting hairs.

And then there’s Judith’s coke-snorting scene. It’s inexplicably staged in some kind of dirt-floored equestrian arena, where the Mexican drug lord Luis is surrounded by an entourage that includes a young man holding a golden box of cocaine, several thugs toting big guns and two costumed rodeo performers who stand on horses, twirling lassos. A setting like this wouldn’t feel out of place in a Tarantino film. Judith and Harris arrive to meet with Luis, and before you know it, she’s putting Luis’s hands all over her body and talking about the importance of trust in business relationships. Judith implies the point of her self-directed pat down is to prove she’s not wearing a wire, but does anyone doubt she’s also seeking cheap thrills? For that matter, isn’t she also telegraphing a message about her mettle to Harris, who stands next to her, his mouth agape?

The scene continues with Judith shrewdly explaining how she’s going to use shell companies, wastewater trucks and unmapped roads to smuggle Luis’s drugs into Texas — and then we get to the moment that sent “Dallas” fans into a tweeting frenzy on the night “Trust Me” debuted. Judith leans into Luis’s cocaine box, snorts, throws back her head and delivers her hashtag-ready exclamation: “Hot damn! Mama like.” She even rubs a little coke on her gums for good measure. I suppose this is another way for Judith to prove her trustworthiness to the cartel, but let’s not kid ourselves: “Dallas” is trying to shock us — not that there’s anything wrong with that. I love this show’s insistence on being unpredictable. If this scene does nothing else, it demonstrates how eager the people who make “Dallas” are to entertain us. How can you not appreciate that?

As much as I admire Judith Light’s fearlessness in this scene, I have to hand it to Mitch Pileggi, whose reaction shots are priceless. (Director Millicent Shelton, who also helmed last season’s Harris-centric “Let Me In,” is smart enough to keep cutting back to him throughout Judith’s antics in the arena.) I also love how Light and Pileggi play off each other in their other scene in “Trust Me,” when Judith returns to the Ryland roost and announces she’s taking charge of the family trucking — er, transportation — business. Bruce Rasmussen’s script gives Light one delicious line after another, including an allegory that could have rolled off the silver tongue of J.R. Ewing: “Money and morality are like two cars on a one-lane road. When they meet, morality’s going to end up in the ditch.” Light savors every syllable, and once again, Pileggi holds his own. I think it’s telling that after I saw “Trust Me,” I spent more time quoting one of Harris’s lines (“You think you know what you’re getting into, but you don’t”) than any of Judith’s. I don’t know what I love more: Pileggi’s Texas accent, or the way he snarls his dialogue.

It’s also worth noting how much “Trust Me” humanizes Harris Ryland. In the scene where Judith negotiates the new deal with the cartel, notice how Harris doesn’t say a word until Luis implies he’ll hurt Emma if the Rylands don’t hold up their end of the bargain. “My daughter has nothing to do with this!” he says. For that matter, notice how Harris keeps a framed photograph of Ann with baby Emma in his office. This is a man who cares about the women in his life, even if he sometimes calls them names. (Pileggi’s other great line in this episode describes Emma: “She’s a little monster who put me in jail.”)

This also explains why I welcome the episode-ending revelation about Harris’s connection to the CIA, which requires more than a little trust on Bobby and Ann’s behalf. Like Larry Hagman, Pileggi is such a charismatic actor you can’t help but root for his character, no matter how wicked he becomes. I was having a hard time cheering for Harris, though, knowing that he was a drug trafficker. Now I’m glad I can cast those concerns aside. (I can cast them aside, right “Dallas”?) I don’t think there’s any danger of Harris turning into a white knight, but I’m glad to know there are lines he won’t cross.

Of course, as much as the Rylands fascinate me, I would be remiss if I didn’t point out how good the rest of “Trust Me” is. The Southfork barbecue scenes evoke the spirit — if not the down-home grandeur — of Ewing shindigs from days gone by. It’s fun to see John Ross rankle all the women in his life — mother, wife, mistress — by chatting up the other pretty ladies. (One is played by “Survivor” contestant Andrea Boehlke, who is Josh Henderson’s girlfriend in real life.) The only thing I enjoy more is Pamela’s hot dance with the ever-intriguing Nicolas Treviño — not just because it’s good to see Pamela give her flirtatious husband a taste of his own medicine, but also because it demonstrates why the magnetic Juan Pablo Di Pace is such a smart addition to this show. Di Pace enlivens every scene he appears in; as one of my fellow fans pointed out on Twitter the other night, he has chemistry with everyone, including Jesse Metcalfe’s Christopher, whose tête-à-tête with Nicolas over a couple of Miller Lites is another barbecue highlight.

Rasmussen’s script allows “Dallas’s” supporting performers to shine too. No one impresses me more than Kevin Page, whose character Bum has become the conscience of this show. Besides Judith Light’s dialogue, Page has the episode’s most memorable line when he shows John Ross the pictures he took of him and Emma and says, “Grow into your father’s greatness, not his weakness.” Bum’s mysterious-but-strong connection to J.R. makes him the only character on this show who can get away with putting John Ross in his place; he could become an even more effective surrogate father than Uncle Bobby. It’s tempting to chastise Bum for deceiving Sue Ellen about John Ross’s adultery, except there’s no doubt he’s only trying to spare her heartache. And am I the only one who wants to see more scenes between Page and Linda Gray?

This episode’s other M.V.P.: Marlene Forte, who has two great scenes. In the first, Carmen is aghast to learn Elena is working against the family to whom Carmen has pledged her loyalty; in the second, Carmen comes face to face with Nicolas, a boy she helped raise who is now Elena’s partner in crime. I love when Carmen touches the medal around Nicolas’s neck and tells him, “If even for a moment I sense that you are leading either of my children into the darkness, not even St. Christopher will be able to save you.” I’ve always believed Carmen has the potential to become one of this show’s moral centers, and now it looks like that might be happening.

It’s true that Nicolas’s backstory with the Ramoses is a little odd: I suppose we’re meant to believe Carmen and her husband raised him in Mexico but left him behind when they moved to Texas with their biological children, which is why Nicolas isn’t familiar to the Ewings. It’s another example of how the details on this show are sometimes fuzzy, although I’ve learned it’s not worth sweating the small stuff because the new “Dallas” almost always gets the big picture right. Will I still feel that way at the end of this season? Who knows? I have no idea where this series is headed next, but after watching its first 27 hours, I have faith in the people who make it. They’ve earned my respect — and my trust.

Grade: A

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bum, Dallas, Kevin Page, TNT, Trust Me

Independent lens

‘TRUST ME’

Season 3, Episode 2

Telecast: March 3, 2014

Audience: 1.9 million viewers on March 3

Writer: Bruce Rasmussen

Director: Millicent Shelton

Synopsis: At Sue Ellen’s request, Bum follows John Ross, but Bum lies and tells her there’s no evidence her son is cheating on Pamela. At the Ewing Barbecue, Christopher and Heather grow closer and Pamela arouses John Ross’s jealousy by dancing with Nicolas. Elena snoops around Bobby’s laptop and discovers an email that connects him and Carlos to Rhonda. Judith takes over Harris’s drug trafficking operation and negotiates a new deal with the cartel. When Bobby and Ann begin investigating Harris’s release from jail, Harris reveals the truth to them: He’s secretly working with the CIA to bring down the cartel.

Cast: John Athas (U.S. Attorney Ellis Larsen), Emma Bell (Emma Ryland), Andrea Boehlke (barbecue guest), Jordana Brewster (Elena Ramos), Christian Clemenson (Howard Rieder), Candace (Jude Demorest), Juan Pablo Di Pace (Nicolas Treviño), Akai Draco (Sherriff Derrick), Patrick Duffy (Bobby Ewing), Julie Gonzalo (Pamela Ewing), Linda Gray (Sue Ellen Ewing), Josh Henderson (John Ross Ewing), Antonio Jaramillo (Luis), Judith Light (Judith Ryland), AnnaLynne McCord (Heather), Jesse Metcalfe (Christopher Ewing), Kevin Page (Bum), Gino Anthony Pesi (George Tatangelo), Mitch Pileggi (Harris Ryland), Brenda Strong (Ann Ewing)

“Trust Me” is available at DallasTNT.com, Amazon.com and iTunes. Watch the episode and share your comments below.

Drill Bits: ‘Dallas’ Holds On to Some of Its Audience

Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Heather, Jesse Metcalfe, TNT, Trust Me

Hold on tighter!

TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode, “Trust Me,” debuted to 1.9 million viewers on March 3, down about 29 percent from the previous week’s third-season premiere. The audience included roughly 500,000 adults between ages 18 and 49, the demographic advertisers pay a premium to reach.

“The show is down but it’s not out — far from it,” says Marc Berman, editor in chief of TV Media Insights, a top industry news site. Once DVR users who record the show and watch it later are counted, “Dallas’s” total audience could rise closer to the 2.5 million to 3 million mark, Berman says.

The show’s third-season premiere, “The Return,” was seen by 2.7 million viewers on February 24, but the audience rose 33 percent — reaching 3.5 million — once DVR users who watched the show within three days were counted. This audience includes 1.4 million adults between ages 18 and 49 and 1.6 million between 25 and 54, a group TNT targets.

Television shows generally lose between 10 and 20 percent of their audience after a series or season premiere. Berman says “Dallas” may have fallen outside the rule of thumb because it faced tougher than usual competition, including the season premiere of A&E’s “Bates Motel,” which drew more than 3 million viewers.

“Dallas’s” decline fits the show’s pattern. Last year, 2.9 million viewers watched the show’s second-season premiere on opening night; 2.2 million viewers returned the following week, a 24 percent drop. In 2012, the series premiere clocked 6.9 million viewers; 4.8 million people tuned in the following week, a 30 percent decline.

Fans shouldn’t be discouraged, Berman says. “The numbers could be better, but they’re not terrible.”

“Drill Bits,” a roundup of news about TNT’s “Dallas,” is published regularly. Share your comments below.

Trust Me, We Have Lots to Discuss Tonight on #DallasChat

Dallas, Judith Light, Judith Light, Trust Me, TNT

Trust her?

You’re invited to join Dallas Decoder’s next #DallasChat on Twitter, which I’ll hold Tuesday, March 4, from 9 to 10 p.m. Eastern time. We’ll discuss “Trust Me,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode.

Leave your suggested questions about “Trust Me” in the comments section below, tweet them to me @DallasDecoder or post them to my Facebook page. I’ll choose one or more questions and ask them during tonight’s discussion.

If you’re new to #DallasChat, here’s how it works: For one hour, I tweet a series of questions to my fellow “Dallas” fans. Each question is numbered and includes the hashtag #DallasChat, so your answers should do the same. Please include the show’s official hashtag, #DallasTNT, in your tweets too.

Here’s a sample exchange:

Q1. Are any of the Rylands trustworthy? #DallasTNT #DallasChat

A1. Well, you can always trust Judith — to be evil. #DallasTNT #DallasChat

Here are two tips:

• During the discussion, enter #DallasChat in Twitter’s search field. This will help you watch the search results so you can follow the conversation. Click “All” to see all the related tweets.

• Be sure to include #DallasChat in your tweets. This allows the other participants to see your contributions to the conversation.

I look forward to seeing you tonight!

TNT’s Dallas Recap: ‘Trust Me’

Dallas, Harris Ryland, Judith Light, Judith Ryland, Mitch Pileggi TNT, Trust Me

Mommy’s home

Here’s what happened in “Trust Me,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode:

John Ross got lucky. When John Ross (Josh Henderson) saw Christopher ask nebbish seismologist Howard Rieder (Christian Clemenson) to confirm whether the shale formation is within Southfork’s surface rights, John Ross tried to bribe him to make sure the test came out his way. Howard confessed the bribe to Bobby (Patrick Duffy), who was amused by John Ross’s antics and told Howard to keep the money. John Ross’s scheming turned out to be for nothing: When the test results came in, they showed the shale is indeed within the surface rights. “That settles it. … We’re fracking Southfork,” John Ross said.

… And then John Ross got luckier. Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) asked Bum (Kevin Page) to follow John Ross to see if he’s cheating with Emma (Emma Bell). Bum photographed John Ross and Emma cavorting in John Ross’s penthouse, but Bum lied and told Sue Ellen that her son “never went near” Emma. Instead, Bum showed the pictures to John Ross, explaining that he followed him because J.R. asked him to keep an eye on John Ross. Said Bum: “Your father was a great man. He did great things. But the way he ran around on your mother was a sin — and he figured that out too late. Grow into your father’s greatness, not his weakness.”

Pamela got suspicious. Sue Ellen wasn’t the only woman who grew concerned about John Ross’s fidelity. Pamela (Julie Gonzalo) spotted her husband flirting with his new secretary, Candice, and warned him: “If I ever find out you’ve been stepping out on me, God’s wrath will be the least of your worries.” Later, when Pamela saw John Ross chatting with a pretty blonde at the Ewing Barbecue, she danced with Nicolas (Juan Pablo Di Pace), which seemed to arouse John Ross’s jealousy.

Elena and Nicolas got closer to the truth about the Ewings. At the Ewing Barbecue, Elena (Jordana Brewster) snooped around Bobby’s laptop and came across an email to Carlos del Sol in which he wrote, “Talked to Rhonda Simmons. She agreed to play ball with us about JR.” Elena showed the email to Nicolas and explained that Rhonda was the witness whose testimony placed Cliff in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico, on the night J.R. was killed. “That’s got to mean something,” Elena said as she studied Bobby’s email.

The Ewings got closer to the truth about Elena and Nicolas. At the Ewing Barbecue, Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe) quizzed Nicolas about his business dealings with Cliff and realized the details didn’t add up. He got together with Bobby and John Ross and explained his suspicions: “I think it’s a phantom deal. Cliff and Nicolas probably never worked together, so there’s got to be some connection — some other reason — why Nicolas is doing this for Cliff.” The barbecue wasn’t all business for Christopher, though: Heather (AnnaLynne McCord) planted a kiss on him and they danced, although he seemed more than a little bothered by Nicolas’s interest in Elena.

Carmen got put in a tough spot. On the day of the barbecue, Elena told Carmen (Marlene Forte) that she’s working with Nicolas and Cliff but didn’t provide details. “You just have to believe that everything I’m doing is justified,” Elena said. This put Carmen in a tough spot; she pretended not to know Nicolas when Ann (Brenda Strong) introduced them at the party, although when Carmen and Nicolas had a moment alone, she touched the medal around his neck and said, “If even for a moment I sense that you are leading either of my children into the darkness, not even St. Christopher will be able to save you.”

Judith got down to business. While Bobby and Ann tried to find out how Harris (Mitch Pileggi) got out of jail, Emma sprung Judith (Judith Light) from the rehab hospital. Judith seized control of Ryland Transport and demanded Harris take her to Nuevo Laredo, where she met with drug lord Luis (Antonio Jaramillo), negotiated a new deal to smuggle his cocaine into Texas — and then sampled his product. “Hot damn! Mama like,” Judith said after snorting a few lines of coke.

The audience got shocked. Little did Judith know Harris was secretly recording her dirty dealings. But for whom? In the final scene, we got our answer: Gun-toting federal agents brought Bobby and Ann to a darkened warehouse and told the couple to stop snooping into Harris’s release. The reason: Harris is working with the CIA to bring down the Mendez-Ochoa cartel. Harris emerged from the shadows and told Bobby and Ann their questions are jeopardizing his sting against the cartel. “They have pictures of our daughter — and you, Annie,” Harris said. “Now if they find out who I’m working for, they’ll kill both you and Emma.”

What did you think of “Trust Me”? Share your comments below and look for Dallas Decoder’s critique later this week.

The Dal-List: Classic ‘Dallas’s’ 8 Ewing Barbecues, Ranked

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, Julie Gonzalo, Pamela Rebecca Barnes Ewing, Trust Me, TNT

Upholding tradition

The Ewings throw another Southfork barbecue in “Trust Me,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode. Here’s a list of every barbecue from the classic show’s era, ranked in order of preference. (Please note: The two rodeo episodes aren’t included. Don’t worry; they’ll get their own list one day.)

Bert Remsen, Bobby Ewing, Clayton Farlow, Dallas, Dandy Dandridge, Howard Keel, Patrick Duffy

Top gun

8. Barbecue VIII (1987). The original “Dallas’s” final barbecue feels a little warmed over, sad to say. Things briefly get exciting when aging wildcatter Dandy Dandridge (Bert Remsen) shows up and tries to shoot Cliff — a nifty bit of poetic justice that recalls Digger’s attempt to kill Jock in “Dallas: The Early Years.” The rest of the affair, though, is more of a retread than an homage: J.R. and Cliff exchange insults for the umpteenth time, Sue Ellen once again tries to get under her husband’s skin and Christopher spends another episode moping around because he’s adopted. Is this “Groundhog Day” or a Southfork shindig?

Cliff Barnes, Dallas, Ken Kercheval, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing

Dances with wolves

7. Barbecue II (1982). Most of the action at this party happens on the dance floor: With Pam upstairs mooning over baby Christopher, Bobby waltzes with Katherine, whose crush on her brother-in-law is as plain as Ray’s extra-martial interest in sexy Toni. Later, J.R. stands on the balcony and seethes while watching Sue Ellen and Cliff (Linda Gray, Ken Kercheval) — whose shirt appears to have lost all its buttons — have a jolly time two-stepping below. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Miss Ellie receives the fateful phone call informing her that Jock’s helicopter crashed on its way home. Way to kill the festive mood, “Dallas.”

Afton Cooper, Audrey Landers, Cliff Barnes, Dallas, Ken Kercheval

Birds of a feather

6. Barbecue IV (1983). This barbecue is mostly fun: Bobby and Mark Graison give each other the stink eye at the bar, Jenna Wade is bitchy to Pam on the patio and Afton Cooper (Audrey Landers) runs around the driveway in a Native American-inspired outfit that features the most strategically placed tassels in the history of costume design. So why doesn’t this soiree rank higher? Blame baby-faced stalker Peter Richards, who summons Sue Ellen to the barn, where he gives her a smooch and professes his undying love for her. Gross! It’s enough to make us lose our appetite for Mama’s chili.

Dallas, Fern Fitzgerald, Jamie Ewing, Jenilee Harrison, J.R. Ewing, Marilee Stone

Slap splash

5. Barbecue V (1984). Myth: Every time the Ewings throw a barbecue, someone gets pushed into the Southfork swimming pool. Fact: This only happens once, and it occurs at the 1984 hootenanny, when Marilee Stone (Fern Fitzgerald) slaps Cousin Jamie (Jenilee Harrison), who responds by shoving Marilee into the water. The best part is the hilarious kicker: When J.R. reaches down to pull Ms. Stone out of the chlorinated water, he says, “Marilee, you all right, honey? Did it go up your nose?” No matter how many times I watch this episode, I never tire of seeing Larry Hagman deliver that line.

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Pam Ewing, Victoria Principal

Dis-invite

4. Barbecue VII (1986). This hoedown ends on a dramatic note, with Bobby arriving with evidence that proves Wes Parmalee, the man who claims to be back-from-the-dead Jock, is an imposter. Before we get to that, though, we’re treated to several scenes that showcase Hagman’s comedic genius. In one, J.R. chastises Pam (Victoria Principal) for inviting “that moron brother of yours to my barbecue.” Later, J.R. witnesses Cliff and Jamie’s latest marital spat and can’t resist offering his two cents. Jamie: “You know, Cliff Barnes, you’re the sorriest excuse for a man that I have ever met!” J.R.: “Well, I’ll second that!”

Dallas, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing

Drunk history

3. Barbecue I (1978). Here’s the one that started it all. “Dallas’s” first season ends with an episode that takes place in a single day, as Texas’s newest in-laws, the Ewings and the Barneses, get together for an epic Southfork cookout. Everyone gets down in the dirt at this one: Digger and Sue Ellen each fall off the wagon, J.R. falls flat on his face when Bobby punches him and Pam falls from the hayloft and suffers a miscarriage. My favorite scene belongs to caterers Tilly and Sam, who spend the afternoon gossiping about the Ewings. This is the only time these characters ever appeared on “Dallas”; is it too late to bring them back?

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Center of attention

2. Barbecue III (1982). The second barbecue of 1982 finds everyone hatin’ on poor J.R. The members of the cartel are royally peeved that he’s undercut them by opening a chain of cut-rate gas stations, and so is Bobby, who’s so upset, he gets drunk (!), neglects Pam (!!) and flirts with Holly Harwood (!!!). Finally, the cartel gangs up and confronts J.R. It’s showdown at the Southfork corral! But wait, what’s this? Here come the other Ewings, who circle J.R. and remind the cartel that when you take on one member of the clan, you take them all on. It’s not just the quintessential Ewing Barbecue scene, it’s quintessential “Dallas.”

Dale Midkiff, Dallas, Dallas: The Early Years, Jock Ewing, Molly Hagan

Get the party started

1. Barbecue VI (1986). My sentimental favorite. The prequel movie “Dallas: The Early Years” culminates at a 1951 barbecue, where a teenaged J.R. loses his virginity in the barn and a drunken Digger shows up with a gun and takes aim at Jock (Dale Midkiff). Ellie (Molly Hagan) intervenes and saves her husband’s life, and then with all the Barnes and Ewing children frolicking around them, Jock embraces Ellie and turns reflective. “What are these poor kids going to end up like?” he asks. Cut to the final scene: After bratty Cliff tangles with J.R., he drags kid sister Pammy away from her new playmate — little Bobby Ewing. Jerrold Immel’s famous theme music rises in the background, the camera pulls back for a bird’s eye view of the ranch and then the familiar shots from “Dallas’s” classic title sequence begin to sweep across the screen. Now that’s how you end a barbecue!

What’s your favorite “Dallas” barbecue? Share your comments below and read more “Dal-Lists.”

Dallas Burning Questions: Season 3, Week 2

Bobby Ewing, Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Elena Ramos, Jesse Metcalfe, John Ross Ewing, Jordana Brewster, Josh Henderson, Julie Gonzalo, Pamela Rebecca Barnes Ewing, Linda Gray, Patrick Duffy, Return, Sue Ellen Ewing, TNT

Huddle up, y’all

Here are the questions we’re pondering as we await tonight’s telecast of “Trust Me,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode:

What’s Elena and Nicolas’s next move? In “The Return,” last week’s third-season premiere, Elena (Jordana Brewster) formed a secret alliance with Cliff (Ken Kercheval) and agreed to help him prove the Ewings framed him. She lied to Carmen (Marlene Forte) about her scheme and took a job at Ewing Global, where she began snooping around for evidence against the family. Elena also recruited her childhood friend Nicolas Treviño (Juan Pablo Di Pace), a self-made billionaire who used to be known as Joaquin, to serve as Cliff’s proxy. Nicolas, who considers Elena’s parents to be his own, told Elena he wants revenge as much as she does. What will Elena and Nicolas do next — and what will Carmen say when she discovers their plan?

Will Bobby or John Ross prevail? To finance a major drilling venture in the Arctic, the Ewings decided to sell off their company’s consumer division, but Nicolas scuttled the deal. John Ross (Josh Henderson) suggested the family could raise the capital for the Arctic project by drilling on Southfork, but Bobby (Patrick Duffy) refused to go along, pointing out that he and Gary control the mineral rights. John Ross countered with evidence that suggests the oil under Southfork has risen to the surface, which means he could access it as the ranch’s co-owner. Will Bobby or John Ross win this fight?

What will Sue Ellen do? With Harris (Mitch Pileggi) in jail and Judith (Judith Light) in a “rehab hospital,” Emma (Emma Bell) became Ryland Transport’s chief executive. She agreed to give John Ross access to the company’s drilling and cargo ships — but only if he agreed to continue sleeping with her. He did, but he wasn’t very careful about it. When Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) spotted him coming out of Emma’s bedroom, John Ross lied and said he and Emma were just talking business. Sue Ellen didn’t look like she believed her son. What will she do with her suspicion that he’s a cheat?

Where does Harris go from here? The Mendez-Ochoa cartel bribed a judge to release Harris from jail and sent two shady characters to greet Harris as he emerged from custody. The men showed Harris a picture of Emma and Ann (Brenda Strong) and told him if he doesn’t resume his drug shipments, they’ll make Emma wish she was dead. What will Harris do?

What’s next for Christopher? After Elena apologized to Pamela (Julie Gonzalo) for concealing Drew’s role in the rig explosion, Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe) told Elena he was sorry for treating her so badly in Zurich. Elena told him she’s not ready to take him back, which is just as well since Christopher seemed quite taken with Heather (AnnaLynne McCord), a spunky Southfork ranch hand. Will she help him heal his broken heart?

What “Dallas Burning Questions” are on your mind? Share your comments below and watch TNT’s “Dallas” tonight.