The Dallas Decoder Guide to Valene Ewing

Another reunion

Another reunion

Valene Ewing (Joan Van Ark) will be reunited with her in-laws in “Ewings Unite!,” tonight’s episode of TNT’s “Dallas.” Val appeared occasionally on the original “Dallas” and was the heroine of its “Knots Landing” spinoff, but how much do you remember about her? Here’s a refresher.

There goes the neighborhood

There goes the neighborhood

Val loves Gary. Val was waitressing in a diner when handsome Gary Ewing (Ted Shackelford) walked in and sat down. “What will it be?” Val asked him. Gary’s response: “I don’t know. What does a man in love eat for lunch?” It was a cute beginning for what became television’s most tortured love story. During the next half-century, Val and Gary had three weddings, three children and more crises than you can count, including alcoholism (his), multiple personality disorder (hers) and staged deaths (theirs). Now the couple faces one of their greatest challenges yet: Sue Ellen’s flirtation with Gary!

And teddy makes three

And teddy makes three

All her children. Val and Gary are the parents of Lucy (Charlene Tilton), whom Jock and Miss Ellie raised after J.R. drove Val and Gary away from Southfork. Lucy grew up angry with her parents for abandoning her, but the family reconciled after a few therapeutic splashes in the Southern California surf. Meanwhile, Val and Gary went on to have two more kids: twins Bobby and Betsy, although for awhile they were kidnapped and Val believed they were dead. Hey, that gives her something in common with her new sister-in-law Ann Ewing. They should share a muffin sometime.

Mr. Dreamy

Mr. Dreamy

Val’s favorite brother-in-law: Bobby. Oh, Bobby! Dear, sweet Bobby (Patrick Duffy). Val could always count on him. When she was estranged from Lucy, who arranged a mother/daughter reconciliation? Bobby, of course. He also reunited Val and Gary, discovered the house on Seaview Circle that became their home and rode to Val’s rescue when she had a cancer scare. Is it any wonder Val always seemed to look at Bobby with dreamy eyes? Hey, if Sue Ellen can have a fling with Gary, why can’t Val get a little something going on with Bobby? On second thought, cancel that muffin with Ann.

Mr. Nightmare

Mr. Nightmare

Least favorite brother-in-law? Take a guess. Val was always one of the kindest, most pure-hearted members of the Ewing family – except where J.R. (Larry Hagman) was concerned. Over the years, she called him “disgusting,” “a troublemaker” and “a vile, evil man.” J.R. declared she was a “tramp,” “a wimp,” and “southern trash.” You weren’t really surprised that Val skipped his funeral, were you? Remember what she told Gary in 1980, after finding out that J.R. had been shot: “If J.R. was dead, I honestly couldn’t mourn him.” Harsh? Perhaps, but at least it shows Val is a woman of her word.

That’s not a gun, is it?

That’s not a gun, is it?

Aiding and comforting the enemy. After Kristin (Mary Crosby) shot him, J.R. exiled her to California, where she wound up on Gary and Val’s doorstep. Val allowed Kristin to stay with them despite Gary’s objections, which turned out to be perfectly justified. Within days of her arrival, Kristin wrecked the marriage of neighbors Kenny and Ginger Ward. When Val confronted her, Kristin confessed that she was pregnant and scared, although she didn’t reveal that the child was J.R.’s. It was a reminder of what makes Val so special: Only as someone as nice as Val could get someone as devious as Kristin to reveal her softer side.

Author! Author!

Author! Author!

The original gossip girl. Val wasn’t just television’s first desperate housewife, she was also its original gossip girl. She wrote a novel inspired by the Ewings called “Capricorn Crude,” although J.R. struggled to get the title right. Here’s J.R. meeting Joe Cooper, Val’s editor: “You know, there’s been rumors flying all around Dallas about a book called ‘Corn Crude’ or ‘Crude Porn’ or ‘Corn Pone.’” Joe: “‘Capricorn Crude.’” J.R.: “Yeah, that’s it!” When J.R. declared he was “tickled” about Val’s literary success, he wasn’t kidding. He bought the publishing company – not to shut down the book, but to reap the profits.

Step off, Abby

Step off, bitch

Val always gets her man. Here’s the most important thing you need to know about Val: She always triumphs over husband-stealing hussies. Yeah, Abby Cunningham (Donna Mills) snagged Gary – but only for a little while. He came back to Val eventually, didn’t he? The same thing happened after his relationships with every woman in his life, including Jill Bennett, Kate Whittaker and “Sally’s friend” (long story). And don’t forget about Ciji Dunne! When she got too close to Gary, Val pushed her so hard she hit her head on a coffee table and was knocked out. In other words: Watch your back, Sue Ellen!

What do you remember about Valene Ewing? Share your comments below and read more “Dallas Decoder Guides.”

Dallas Drinks: The Drew

To honor Kuno Becker’s performance on TNT’s “Dallas,” Dallas Decoder and Cook In/Dine Out offer a Drew Ramos-inspired “Dallas Drinks” cocktail.

Dallas Drinks - The Drew

‘Who Killed J.R.?’ 5 Questions Surrounding ‘Dallas’s’ Mystery

Bobby Ewing, Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Jesse Metcalfe, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, Patrick Duffy, TNT, Who Killed J.R.?Every “Dallas” fan has one thing on his or her mind: “Who Killed J.R?” Before the mystery is solved, a few other questions must be addressed. Will the answers lead us to one of the eight potential suspects I named earlier this week?

1. Why was J.R. in Mexico? In “J.R.’s Masterpiece,” this week’s “Dallas” episode, we learned our hero was shot and killed in a flophouse in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico. According to the policewoman who investigated the crime, J.R. entered the country to go quail hunting. Later, his private eye Bum (Kevin Page) told Bobby, John Ross and Christopher that the quail hunt was a cover: J.R. was actually following a lead in his scheme to bring down Harris Ryland (Mitch Pileggi), the Texas trucking magnate who specializes in driving the Ewings crazy.

What business would Harris have in a place like Nuevo Laredo? The policewoman told the Ewings that the local drug cartels have started reaching out to “successful businessmen across the border for advice.” Bobby (Patrick Duffy) insisted J.R. would never do business with the cartel, and we don’t doubt him. Harris, on the other hand, might be the type to get mixed up in the illegal drug trade. After all, didn’t he try last season to blackmail Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) into laundering money for him?

2. Why was J.R. looking for Pam? Before J.R. entered Mexico, he went to Abu Dhabi to close an oil deal. But as Bum explained to Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe): “The reason he chose Abu Dhabi was because for the last several months, he’s been trying to find your mother.” Bobby’s stunned reaction: “You mean Pam?” Bum didn’t respond to Bobby; instead, he handed Christopher a document and said, “J.R. thought that once you’d seen this, you’d understand why it’s important for you to find your mama.”

Let’s pause here to remember that Christopher had two mommies: Kristin Shepard (Mary Crosby), his biological mother, who famously shot J.R. in 1980 and later drowned in the Southfork swimming pool, and Pam (Victoria Principal), Bobby’s first wife, with whom Bobby adopted Christopher after Kristin’s death. Assuming Kristin is really dead and that she isn’t the missing mama that J.R. was trailing, the question becomes: Why in heavens would J.R. want to find Pam, his longtime nemesis?

Some theories from Dallas Decoder readers: J.R. figured Pam, who abandoned Bobby and Christopher after she was badly burned in a fiery car crash, is the only person who might be able to talk her brother Cliff Barnes (Ken Kercheval) into finally ending his war against the Ewings. Or perhaps J.R. found evidence that Cliff had somehow bilked an unwitting Pam and/or Christopher out of their rightful share of the fortune they inherited from Pam and Cliff’s rich mother Rebecca Wentworth. (Could such evidence be included in the document that Bum handed Christopher?) Or maybe the aging J.R., seeking immortality, wanted to find Pam because he knew of her ability to dream dead Ewings back to life.

Whatever the reason, if Christopher resumes Uncle J.R.’s search and ends up finding Pam, don’t expect her to look like Principal. Earlier this month, as rumors swirled that Pam might return to “Dallas,” Principal issued a statement suggesting she will never resume the role.

3. Why did J.R. give John Ross a gun? After Bum handed Christopher the document about his mother, he gave John Ross (Josh Henderson) a box that contained J.R.’s gun. It came with this note:

“John Ross, if you’re reading this, it means I’m dead. And if I’m dead, that means Barnes is coming after you. You must crush him before he can win. I promised your Uncle Bobby that taking down Harris Ryland would be my masterpiece. I’d bet my last nickel Barnes will join forces with Ryland to destroy us. Use what I’ve given you to take from them what they want to take from us. When you’ve done that, Bobby will know what to do. And remember: You’re my son, tip to tail.”

Perhaps the most revealing thing about J.R.’s note isn’t his prediction that Cliff and Harris will join forces; it’s that J.R. wrote it in the first place. He knew his life was in danger, although this doesn’t necessarily rule out the theory that J.R. arranged his own death so it could be pinned on one of his enemies. If you buy that theory, you might think this is the gun that was used to kill J.R. But keep in mind: The coroner who examined J.R.’s body said he was killed with a “Saturday night special,” and that’s not the kind of gun John Ross received. On the other hand: Medical examiners on “Dallas” aren’t the most trustworthy people, are they?

4. Who is Lady X? When J.R.’s friend Carlos del Sol (Castulo Guerra) visited Southfork to update the Ewings on the investigation, he explained J.R. met a woman in a club near the hotel where he died. “Not your professional sort of lady, mind you, but there are witnesses to their assignation,” Carlos said. According to the policewoman who accompanied Carlos to the ranch, this mystery woman – let’s call her “Lady X” – asked J.R. to meet her near her workplace, which is how he wound up in the Hotel Colon. A witness saw someone follow J.R. to the hotel, but that person could not be found, the policewoman said.

So who is Lady X? Could she be one of the women I named as suspects earlier this week? Did she intentionally lead J.R. to the hotel, knowing he would be killed there? Did she pull the trigger herself? Does she really exist? Or did Carlos invent her because he’s involved in the killing and wanted to throw the Ewings off his trail?

5. What does Bobby know? Of course, despite what Carlos and the policewoman told the Ewings, we know J.R. was not the victim of a robbery. After Bum distributed J.R.’s “gifts” to John Ross and Christopher, he gave Bobby a sealed envelope. Bobby opened it, read the document it contained and walked out of the room, dismissing John Ross and Christopher’s plea for more information. “This is between my brother and me – for now,” Bobby said.

Outside the room, Bobby told Bum to “pay off whoever you have to pay off so that everybody still thinks J.R. was killed by a mugger. When the time comes, we’ll take care of this ourselves – as a family.” Bobby then walked into J.R.’s room, noticed the framed wedding photograph of J.R. and Sue Ellen, poured himself a glass of bourbon, sat on the bed and said: “I knew you’d have at least one more left up your sleeve, J.R.” He glanced at the document in his hand, half-smiled and continued: “It is a good one. I love you brother.”

So what did Bobby learn? During the “Dallas” cast’s panel discussion last week, Duffy revealed the show’s producers told him who shot J.R. so he would know how to play certain scenes, including this one. So whatever the document reveals, it holds a big clue to the identity of J.R.’s killer. I have my own theory, but for now, I’d rather hear yours. What do you think it says?

Who done it? Share your theories below and read more posts on Dallas Decoder’s “Who Killed J.R.?” page.

TNT’s Dallas Scene of the Day: ‘You Were the Love of My Life’

Dallas, J.R.'s Masterpiece, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, TNT

Requiem for a heavyweight

In “J.R.’s Masterpiece,” a second-season “Dallas” episode, Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) stands at J.R.’s gravesite and addresses the mourners.

SUE ELLEN: When I was Miss Texas, and I met J.R., I didn’t know what hit me. I fell in love. Madly, passionately, hopelessly in love with the most infuriating, charming scoundrel I think I’ve ever known. It’s enough to drive a girl to drink. I spent the night in J.R.’s room last night. I needed the courage to read a letter that he had sent before he died. I was terrified about what the letter might say. So I told myself that I would have a drink. Just one, to help me get through. So I had that one drink. And then I kept on going. I’m a bit drunk now. And I wanted to share the letter that J.R. wrote. [She pulls the letter from her coat pocket.] “My dearest Sue Ellen: Old age has a way of humbling men. For me to apologize now for all the wrongs I’ve done you would take up all the time I’ve got left. So I’m hoping it will suffice for me to say that I was never worthy of you. That I loved you the moment I saw you. And that I love you today, more than I ever did. It is my greatest hope in life to earn a second chance with you. So what do you say? When I get back to Dallas, will you have dinner with me?” [Folds the letter] Yes, yes J.R. [Sobs] The answer is yes. [Kneels, touches his casket] You were the love of my life.

As she cries, Bobby (Patrick Duffy) escorts her to her seat.

‘Who Killed J.R.?’ Possible Suspects in ‘Dallas’s’ New Mystery

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, TNT, Who Killed J.R.?

Who done it?

In “J.R.’s Masterpiece,” we learned Larry Hagman’s iconic character was shot and killed in a Mexican flophouse. The police investigation concluded J.R. was the victim of a burglary, but Bobby told Bum, his brother’s private eye, that J.R. was murdered. Who killed J.R.? Here are some potential suspects.

OLD ENEMIES

Cliff Barnes, Dallas, TNT, Who Killed J.R.?

Pre-emptive shot?

• Cliff Barnes. As J.R.’s oldest enemy, Cliff (Ken Kercheval) automatically earns a spot on this list, although I’m not sure why he’d want J.R. dead at this point. Cliff is now one of the world’s richest men. He has already beaten the Ewings: Cliff took away J.R.’s company at the end of the old show and recently helped his daughter Pamela seize 10 percent of the new Ewing Energies. Then again, maybe Cliff blames J.R. for the death of his adopted son Frank, who recently fell on his sword after betraying Cliff to J.R. Or could Cliff have killed J.R. to prevent him from rising again?

Dallas, Katherine Wentworth, Morgan Brittany, TNT, Who Killed J.R.?

Waiting to strike?

• Katherine Wentworth. There was no love lost between Katherine (Morgan Brittany), Cliff and Pam’s loony half-sister, and J.R. On the old show, she plotted with him to break up Pam’s marriage to Bobby, whom Katherine wanted for herself. When J.R. betrayed her, Katherine went off the deep end and shot Bobby, then tried to poison him before vanishing. (Pam also dreamed she ran over Bobby with her car, killing him.) Later, Katherine stalked Pam in the hospital after her car crash before resuming her life on the run. Could Katherine have been waiting all this time to spring a trap for her ex-partner-in-crime?

NEW NEMESES

Dallas, Harris Ryland, Mitch Pileggi, TNT, Who Killed J.R.?

Protecting secrets?

• Harris Ryland. J.R. ordered his private eye Bum to investigate Ryland (Mitch Pileggi), who has caused lots of problems for the Ewings, including blackmailing Sue Ellen. Could Ryland have gotten wind of Bum’s snooping and killed J.R. to prevent him from uncovering his misdeeds? Perhaps, although “Dallas” has been grooming Pileggi as its new villain so it seems unlikely he’ll turn out to be the killer. But what about Ryland’s overprotective mama Judith? She could be a suspect, although if she were going to kill someone, it would probably be a withering glance, not a gun.

Dallas, Mitch Lobell, Richard Dillard, TNT, Who Killed J.R.?

Disgruntled dad?

• Mitch Lobell. Lobell (Richard Dillard) was the Ewing family lawyer who helped John Ross and Veronica Martinez trick Bobby into selling Southfork to J.R. When Lobell got greedy and demanded millions of dollars in hush money, J.R. and John Ross blackmailed him with incriminating photos that could’ve sent his son Ricky, a recovering drug user, to jail. After J.R. seized control of the ranch, Lobell vanished without a trace. Has he been hiding in the shadows, waiting for the right moment to take his revenge against J.R.? Perhaps, but if he turned out to be the killer, would anyone remember him?

FRENEMY?

Carlos Del Sol, Castulo Guerra, Dallas, TNT, Who Killed J.R.?

Turncoat?

• Carlos del Sol. Carlos (Castulo Guerra) is a billionaire conservationist and one of J.R.’s old friends. When J.R. wanted to join Cliff’s high-stakes poker game in Las Vegas last season, Carlos agreed to front him the money. He’s also the father of the real Marta del Sol, whose identity was stolen by Veronica, the con artist who helped John Ross in his scheme to defraud Bobby. But isn’t it suspicious that Carlos turned up at the Mexican police station when the Ewings gathered there after J.R.’s murder? Even if he didn’t pull the trigger, something tells me Carlos knows more than he’s letting on.

WILD CARDS

Dallas, Pam Ewing, TNT, Victoria Principal

Dead?

• Pam Ewing. At the end of “J.R.’s Masterpiece,” Bum told Christopher that J.R. had been searching for his mother. The backstory: Pam (Victoria Principal) was disfigured in a fiery car crash and ran away from Southfork. Later, the audience learned she had a terminal illness and wanted to spare Bobby and Christopher the pain of having to watch her die. Suppose Pam went into remission and is still alive but, for whatever reason (shame?), doesn’t want to be found? Could she have killed J.R.? It’s extremely doubtful, especially since Pam was such a beloved heroine and Principal recently announced she won’t reprise the role.

Dallas, Kristin Shepard, Mary Crosby, TNT, Who Killed J.R.?

Alive?

Kristin Shepard. Yes, she’s dead – but when has that ever stopped “Dallas”? Kristin (Mary Crosby) famously shot J.R. in 1980, only to later drown in the Southfork swimming pool. What if she somehow faked her death and went into hiding, waiting for the right moment to try another assassination attempt? Suppose J.R. found out Kristin was still alive and was on her trail? Bum told Christopher that J.R. had been tracking down his mother; what if he was referring to biological mama Kristin and not adopted mom Pam? This is my dream scenario; I don’t expect it to come true. But how cool would it be if it did?

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, TNT, Who Killed J.R.?

Savior?

• J.R. Ewing. What if J.R. wasn’t murdered? What if his “masterpiece” plan was taking his own life so his death could be pinned on Harris, Cliff or one of his other enemies? I know it appeared someone off camera gunned down J.R. at the end of “The Furious and the Fast.” Could it have been Bum, acting on J.R.’s orders? I don’t love the idea of J.R. killing himself, but I do like the notion of him making a grand sacrifice to save the Ewings from some outside threat. This scenario would also solve the major dilemma with this plot: Who is “big” enough to take down J.R. Ewing – except for maybe J.R. himself?

Who done it? Share your theories below and read more posts on Dallas Decoder’s “Who Killed J.R.?” page.

Dallas Burning Questions: Season 2, Week 7

Goodbye, J.R.

Goodbye, J.R.

Here are the questions we’re pondering as we await tonight’s telecast of “J.R.’s Masterpiece,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode.

Who killed J.R.? In “The Furious and the Fast,” last week’s episode, J.R. (Larry Hagman) went to Abu Dhabi to close an oil deal while his private eye Bum (Kevin Page) snooped into Harris’s past. Meanwhile, John Ross (Josh Henderson) was disappointed when his latest scheme against Bobby and Christopher (Patrick Duffy, Jesse Metcalfe) failed. In the final scene, J.R. called John Ross and tried to buck him up. “Don’t you worry, son. I’ve got a plan. It’s going to be my masterpiece,” J.R. said. The call was interrupted when John Ross heard two gunshots on the other end of the line. Who would want J.R. dead?

How will the Ewings cope? J.R.’s death is bound to put a lot of pressure on the Ewings, who are already in turmoil. Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) is cozying up to Gary (Ted Shackelford) in an attempt to undermine his alliance with Bobby. John Ross feels betrayed by Pamela (Julie Gonzalo), who sided with Christopher during their fight over Ewing Energies. Elsewhere, Ann (Brenda Strong) has allowed Emma (Emma Bell) to move into Southfork, which is sure to infuriate Harris (Mitch Pileggi), while Elena and Drew (Jordana Brewster, Kuno Becker) want to reclaim their father’s land from the Ewings so they can drill it. Will J.R.’s death bring these people closer together – or push them further apart?

What secrets will be revealed? J.R.’s funeral will bring a lot of familiar faces back to Dallas, including half-brother Ray (Steve Kanaly), niece Lucy (Charlene Tilton) and ex-wife Cally (Cathy Podewell), as well as Cliff (Ken Kercheval), his mortal enemy, and Mandy (Deborah Shelton), his longtime mistress. Once the memories start flowing, will the skeletons come tumbling out of the closet too?

What “Dallas Burning Questions” are on your mind? Share your comments below and watch TNT’s “Dallas” tonight.

TNT’s Dallas Scene of the Day: ‘Dad! Dad!’

Dallas, Furious and the Fast, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson

Lost son

In “The Furious and the Fast,” a second-season “Dallas” episode, John Ross (Josh Henderson) is sitting alone in the Ewing Energies conference room at night when he receives a phone call from J.R. (Larry Hagman).

J.R.: Tell me what you know, John Ross.

JOHN ROSS: Christopher won the damn race. And don’t bother with the lecture because there’s nothing you could tell me that I haven’t already told myself. But there’s a play to be made with the woman at the DCT. We can fix this.

J.R.: Well, I’m glad to hear that. Don’t you worry, son. I’ve got a plan. It’s going to be my masterpiece – because you shouldn’t have to pay for my sins.

JOHN ROSS: What do you mean?

J.R.: Just remember: I’m proud of you. You’re my son, from tip to tail.

JOHN ROSS: Thank you, Daddy. It means a whole lot for me to hear you say that. [He hears two gunshots.] J.R.? Hello? Dad! Dad! [Softly] Dad?

Dallas Burning Questions: Season 2, Week 6

Mama drama

Mama drama

Here are the questions we’re pondering as we await tonight’s telecast of “The Furious and the Fast,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode.

Will Ewing Energies survive? In “Blame Game,” last week’s episode, Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) finally seized Elena’s share of Ewing Energies. Meanwhile, Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe) agreed to give Pamela (Julie Gonzalo) 10 percent of the company as part of their annulment. This means Bobby, Sue Ellen and John Ross each own a quarter of Ewing Energies, Christopher has 15 percent and Pamela owns the rest. Will this team of rivals be able to set aside their squabbles and do business, like helping Christopher win the contract to fuel the city’s municipal fleet?

Can Gary help Bobby? Tonight’s episode features a special guest star: Ted Shackelford, who’ll reprise his role from the original “Dallas” and “Knots Landing” as Gary Ewing, J.R. and Bobby’s middle brother. Each man controls one-third of the Southfork mineral rights, and in my recent interview with Shackelford, he revealed Bobby summons Gary to Dallas to form a voting bloc against J.R.’s wing of the family. In the past, Gary hasn’t always been the most reliable Ewing (his big weaknesses: booze and beautiful women). Will he come through for Bobby this time?

Who does Pamela love? After Pamela snagged her piece of Ewing Energies, she reneged on her deal to give a portion to John Ross (Josh Henderson). Pamela cited her unborn twins as the reason for her change of heart. “I don’t want to be at war with their father again,” she said. John Ross vowed revenge, but when Vicente (Carlos Bernard) took the Ewings hostage at Southfork, Pamela and John Ross opened up to each other and seemed to reconnect. So who does her heart really belong to: John Ross, Christopher … or daddy Cliff?

Are the Rylands out for blood? Bobby visited Emma (Emma Bell) and reminded her she has another family at Southfork. “If you ever need anything, we’re there,” he said. Later, Emma paid a surprise jailhouse visit to Ann (Brenda Strong), who finally began to bond with her daughter. But the biggest surprise was yet to come: During the penalty phase of Ann’s trial, the jury sentenced her to probation, which outraged Harris and Judith (Mitch Pileggi, Judith Light). Should Ann watch her back?

Will Drew catch a break? And now, let us consider the plight of poor Drew Ramos (Kuno Becker). A few episodes ago, he returned to Southfork after a long absence, eager to drill his dead father’s land, only to find out his family sold it to Bobby. So Drew went to work for his kid sister Elena (Jordana Brewster), discovered her foreman was up to no good and fired him, only to catch hell from her. To earn extra cash, Drew took a job driving a truck, only to get arrested for transporting stolen goods. He tried to do “the right thing” and signed a confession, only to discover John Ross was behind his arrest. As if all this wasn’t bad enough, Drew came home to Elena’s cottage after what was probably another bad day, only to find her in the process of being kidnapped by Vicente. So Drew did what comes naturally to people on “Dallas”: He reached for a gun and shot Vicente, killing him. This probably won’t please Drew’s parole officer, but will it at least prompt Elena to be nicer to him?

Where’s J.R.? Before Vicente ambushed Southfork, Bobby determined J.R. (Larry Hagman) was behind Sue Ellen and John Ross’s coup at Ewing Energies and went to question his brother, only to find his bedroom empty. Where did J.R. go, and how will it figure into the end of his legendary run on “Dallas”?

What “Dallas Burning Questions” are on your mind? Share your comments below and watch TNT’s “Dallas” tonight.

The Dallas Decoder Guide to Gary Ewing

Black sheep

Black sheep

Gary Ewing (Ted Shackelford) returns to Southfork in “The Furious and the Fast,” tonight’s episode of TNT’s “Dallas.” Gary appeared occasionally on the original “Dallas” and was a main character on its “Knots Landing” spinoff, but how much do you remember about him? Here’s a refresher.

Mama’s boy

Mama’s boy

Mom liked Gary best. Jock and Miss Ellie had three sons: J.R., Gary and Bobby. Gary was Mama’s favorite and Bobby was Daddy’s, which explains why J.R. turned out the way he did – but that’s a story for another day. Gary never got along with his macho father and older brother and left Southfork, which upset his parents royally. I always thought Jock and Ellie should have looked on the bright side: Gary is the only one of their adult children who moved out of the house. You can’t say the same thing for those freeloaders J.R. and Bobby.

Scene from a marriage

Scene from a marriage

Valene: Gary’s true love. Young Gary fell for teenage waitress Valene Clements (Joan Van Ark). They got married and had baby Lucy – not in that order – and lived at Southfork, where J.R. tormented Gary until he ran away. Val tried to escape with Lucy, but J.R. sent some “old boys” to retrieve the child and bring her back to Southfork, where Jock and Ellie raised her. Eventually, Gary and Val reunited and moved to Knots Landing, where they spent 14 seasons dealing with affairs, divorces and television’s nosiest neighbors.

Blues brothers

Blues brothers

Bobby: Gary’s best bro. Aside from Mama, Bobby (Patrick Duffy) is the only Ewing who seemed to understand Gary. This makes sense; the brothers have a lot in common. Both are moralistic, both love Southfork and both look great in swim trunks. Bobby has been known to give Gary a verbal kick in the rear when he needs it, but when Bobby “died,” Gary went to pieces. Thank goodness that was just a bad dream! Wait, Gary does know Pam woke up, right? If not, he’s in for a hell of a surprise when he arrives at Southfork tonight.

Brotherly hate

Brotherly hate

J.R.: Worst. Brother. Ever. J.R. (Larry Hagman) meddled in Gary’s life and tried to sleep with his second wife Abby, but his worst attacks were verbal. Over the years, J.R. called Gary a “wimp,” a “no-account,” a “loser” and “Daddy’s big mistake.” (Whoops, that last one was J.R.’s term for Ray.) If Gary was such a screw-up, why did J.R. feel so threatened by him? He explained it this way: “That man is full of anger and frustration. Maybe even hatred, I don’t know. If he ever channeled all that energy, well, it could make my life miserable.” Now you know.

Takes one to know one

Takes one to know one

Gary and Sue Ellen: Not each other’s biggest fans. Gary and Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) didn’t interact much, but when they did, it tended not to go well. Before Sue Ellen admitted she had a drinking problem, Gary tried to talk to her about his own struggles with booze. The conversation ended with Sue Ellen exclaiming, “Stop preaching at me! I am not an alcoholic!” Later, when Kristin Shepard visited Knots Landing, Gary told Val how much Kristin reminded him of her big sister Sue Ellen. He didn’t mean it as a compliment.

Daddy’s girl

Daddy’s girl

All his children. In addition to rivaling J.R. and Bobby in the number of beautiful women he attracted, Gary has more children than either brother. Gary and Val are parents to Lucy (Charlene Tilton), as well as twins Betsy and Bobby, who was named in honor of his “dead” uncle. When Gary believed Val was dead, he took up with Kate Whittaker, who later gave birth to his daughter Molly. However, Kate ended up raising Molly with Brian Cunningham, Gary’s stepson during his marriage to Abby. See? Gary really is all Ewing!

Flashback!

Flashback!

All his faces. Gary has been played by more actors than almost any other Ewing. David Ackroyd created the role in 1978 during the original “Dallas’s” second season, Joel Allen played him as a child in “Dallas: The Early Years” and Andrew Fielder played him as a young man in a “Knots Landing” flashback. Of course, there’s only one real Gary: the great Shackelford, who joins Hagman, Duffy and Tilton as the only actors who’ve portrayed their characters on “Knots Landing” and both versions of “Dallas.” He’ll be joined soon by Van Ark. Welcome to the club!

What do you remember about Gary Ewing? Share your comments below and read more “Dallas Decoder Guides.”

Dallas Drinks: The Judith

To honor Judith Light’s performance on TNT’s “Dallas,” Dallas Decoder and Cook In/Dine Out offer a Judith Ryland-inspired “Dallas Drinks” cocktail.

Dallas Drinks - The Judith