‘Which Ewing Dies?’ Here Are Three Possible Scenarios

Ann Ewing, Bobby Ewing, Brenda Strong, Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Jesse Metcalfe, Josh Henderson, Linda Gray, Patrick Duffy, Sue Ellen Ewing, TNT, Which Ewing Dies

“Dallas” has thrown viewers for a loop with the promo for next week’s two-hour season finale, which declares, “One Ewing will die!”  Who will it be? I have no idea, but that won’t stop me from trying to figure it out. Here are three possibilities:

1. A “main” Ewing dies. In the promo, when the the looming death is announced, shots of five characters flash onto the screen: Bobby (Patrick Duffy), Sue Ellen (Linda Gray), John Ross (Josh Henderson), Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe) and Ann (Brenda Strong).

It’s hard to believe “Dallas” will kill off any of these people, each of whom brings something valuable to the series. The “safest” Ewings would seem to be Bobby and Sue Ellen, two beloved figures from the original “Dallas,” and John Ross, who’s become a fan favorite on the new show. Ann has a loyal following too, and her character offers an important link to the Rylands, who are now prominent players in the “Dallas” universe.

By my reckoning, this leaves Christopher as the likeliest candidate to die among the five Ewings shown in the promo. Losing Metcalfe would be a shame since Christopher is “Dallas’s” most upstanding character, fulfilling the role Bobby once played on the original series. (Bobby is still a hero, but now that he’s running drugs for the cartel, he’s also a little morally compromised, don’t you think?)

On the other hand: TNT’s original concept for “Dallas” — John Ross and Christopher clashing in the foreground while J.R. and Bobby battle in the background — changed after Larry Hagman died. Increasingly, the central conflict within the Ewing family is the generational struggle between John Ross and Bobby, leaving Christopher an odd man out.

So if forced to guess which one of these Ewings might head to the Big Southfork in the Sky, I’ll go with Christopher — although make no mistake: I hope it doesn’t come to that.

2. Another main character dies. What if “Dallas” plans to kill off Pamela (Julie Gonzalo)? She’s still a Ewing via her marriage to John Ross, although she made a big deal of declaring herself a Barnes in “Boxed In,” this week’s episode. If you stretch the definition of “Ewing,” another candidate emerges: Emma (Emma Bell), stepdaughter to Bobby, stepsister to Christopher and stepcousin to John Ross. That’s about as close as you can get to being a Ewing without actually being one.

Or consider this: What if there’s a come-from-out-of-nowhere revelation that Harris or Judith (Mitch Pileggi, Judith Light) are Ewing kin? Or what if Nicolas (Juan Pablo Di Pace) turns out to be a bastard son of J.R.? Don’t roll your eyes. This is “Dallas” we’re talking about.

Nevertheless, my choice among this crop of candidates is Elena (Jordana Brewster). She isn’t a Ewing, but that doesn’t mean things won’t change during the course of the two-hour season finale. Suppose Christopher and Elena have a quickie wedding, only to have the happy occasion end tragically when she’s killed by the cartel? Not only would this be a shocking twist, it would also echo one of the most memorable moments from the original show’s later years: the murder of Bobby’s bride April (Sheree J. Wilson) during their Parisian honeymoon.

And just so we’re clear: I’m not one of the “Dallas” fans clamoring for the elimination of the Ramos family. I like Brewster, although I wonder where her character can go after she waged war against the Ewings this season. If Elena has reached the end of the line, will the show get rid of her by killing her off?

3. An off-screen Ewing dies. Just because the promo suggests a Ewing will die next week, we shouldn’t assume the victim will be someone from the TNT series. What if it’s a character from the original series? There are several choices among the extended family, including Lucy, Gary, Val and Cally, as well as Ray and James, who are Ewings by blood, if not name.

Here’s one potential scenario: We lose Gary, setting up a fight between Bobby and John Ross for his portion of the Southfork mineral rights. Another possibility: Suppose Ray dies off-screen — perish the thought! — paving the way for the show to introduce an adult version of Lucas, Bobby’s son, whom Ray and Jenna raised?

Indeed, if “Dallas” is going to kill off a character from the old show, the death will have to serve the storyline on the new series. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Something else to keep in mind: I’m the guy who figured Cliff really did kill J.R. What the hell do I know?

Who do you think will die? Share your theories below and read more posts on Dallas Decoder’s “Which Ewing Dies?” page.

The Dal-List: Classic ‘Dallas’s’ 13 Most Harrowing Kidnappings

Ann Ewing, Boxed In, Brenda Strong, Dallas, Emma Bell, Emma Ryland, TNT

Your turn, Annie

The Ewings discover Ann and Emma (Brenda Strong, Emma Bell) have been kidnapped in “Boxed In,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode. Fortunately, our favorite TV family has plenty of experience dealing with this kind of thing. Here’s a look at the 13 most harrowing kidnappings from the original series.

Charlene Tilton, Dallas, Greg Evigan, Lucy Ewing, Willie Gust

Far out!

13. Lucy (1978). When the Ewings refused to let Valene come to Lucy’s birthday party, Lucy ran away from Southfork and hitched a ride with Willie Gust (Greg Evigan) — and who can blame her? Willie had the tightest jeans, the most feathery hair and the grooviest custom van in Texas, right down to the wall-to-wall fake-fur carpeting. Too bad Willie was also a lunatic who ended up taking Lucy (Charlene Tilton) on a cross-Texas crime spree. Bobby rescued her, of course, but we never found out what happened to Willie. Was he really as psychotic as he seemed? Or were those jeans merely cutting off the circulation to his brain?

Dallas, John Ross Ewing

J.R. Duncan

12. John Ross (1979). Hey, remember when Sue Ellen nipped a little too much from her “special bottle” of Scope, escaped from the sanitarium, wrecked her car and gave birth to John Ross? And remember how Priscilla Duncan (Sheila Larken) quietly snatched the baby from the hospital? And then remember how happy we all were when Pam figured out what happened and reunited J.R. and Sue Ellen with their son? Well, hindsight being what it is, am I the only one who now thinks John Ross might have been better off with Ms. Duncan? Sure, she was nuts, but think of all the daddy issues the kid would’ve avoided.

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Who shut up J.R.?

11. J.R. Ex-mobster Joseph Lombardi wanted answers when his son Nick Pearce plunged to his death after tussling with J.R. (Larry Hagman) on a high-rise balcony, so Lombardi sent his goons after our hero. They bound and gagged J.R. and brought him to a cheap motel, where Lombardi grilled him about the night Nick died. J.R. insisted it was all an accident — and fortunately Sue Ellen confirmed his account, prompting Lombardi to release him. It was cool to see Hagman act opposite the great Joseph Campanella, and we have to give Lombardi props for stand up to ol’ J.R. But would I want to see him kidnapped again? Fahgettaboudit.

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Patrick Duffy

Cuff him if you can

10. Bobby. “Dallas” has given us a lot of credibility-stretching storylines over the years (cough, cough Haleyville), but you know what I’ll never believe? I’ll never believe that Bobby James Ewing (Patrick Duffy) — that strapping, hunk of Grade A Texas beefcake — could be outmuscled by the clowns who kidnapped him during the middle of the show’s second season. For goodness sakes, Bobby is the kind of guy who can take on a barroom full of drunk cowboys and walk away without a scratch. The only thing more ridiculous than seeing him abducted is seeing the Ewings turn to Cliff Barnes to rescue him!

Dallas, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing

Darlin’ detained

9. Sue Ellen. Oh, for the love of Pete. Sue Ellen, what have you gone and done now? Did you really allow that creep B.D. Calhoun to slip you a mickey so he could photograph himself with you and send the pictures to J.R.? Didn’t you learn not to trust strange men during Pam’s dream the previous season? Actually, even though Sue Ellen should have known better, this subplot marked the beginning of a turning point in her marriage: Once J.R. vanquished Calhoun, he felt so bad about what happened to his family, he finally kicked that Winger tramp to the curb. Hmmm. On second thought, maybe Sue Ellen knew what she was doing all along.

Dallas, Pam Ewing, Victoria Principal

Welcome to the jungle

8. Pam. When an old back injury flared up during “Dallas’s” ninth season, Victoria Principal took a break from the show, leaving the writers scrambling to explain her absence. Their solution? Have Pam kidnapped by jungle mercenaries, of course! The subplot proves surprisingly effective, especially when we see Cliff’s determination to rescue his sister. (Their reunion after the bad guys release her is one of many great scenes between Principal and Ken Kercheval.) Looking back, I can’t help but wonder: Why couldn’t “Dallas” come up with a good storyline to explain Principal’s absence when she left the show for good two years later?

Dallas, Daniel Pilon, Jenna Wade, Priscilla Beaulieu Presley

Take her. Please.

7. Jenna. When Jenna (Priscilla Beaulieu Presley) fled Dallas on the day she was supposed to marry Bobby, she left behind a note that explained she had fallen in love with someone else and was running away. Except that wasn’t true: Jenna’s ex Renaldo Marchetta (Daniel Pilon) had kidnapped her and forced her to pen the letter to throw the Ewings off their trail. When this storyline aired during the winter and spring of 1985, I spent weeks on the edge of my seat, anxious to see how it would turn out. Little did I know things would end on such a tragic note, when Dreadful Jenna™ returned to Southfork. Oh, the humanity!

B.D. Calhoun, Dallas, Hunter von Leer, John Ross Ewing, Omri Katz

Captive audience

6. John Ross (1986). Here we go again. After B.D. Calhoun (Hunter von Leer) kidnapped and released Sue Ellen, he set his sights on John Ross (Omri Katz), J.R. and Sue Ellen’s son. Calhoun snatched the kid from a hotel pool in Los Angeles, where J.R. and Bobby sent their wives and boys to protect them from the threat Calhoun posed. The crazed mercenary forced little John Ross to make a hostage tape, which turned Sue Ellen into a blubbering mess when she watched it. Fear not, honey: The Ewing brothers eventually rescued John Ross, who would grow up to star alongside Emma Ryland in a much different kind of video.

Charlene Tilton, Dallas, Lucy Ewing

Gagged, reeling

5. Lucy (1982). Well, what do you know? Lucy’s been kidnapped yet again. This time, the culprit is Roger Larson, the photographer who helped turn her into Texas’s tiniest top model. Unlike most of the other kidnappings on this list, Roger didn’t abduct Lucy for ransom or revenge — he was obsessed with her. He kept the Ewing heiress locked in a room plastered with the pictures he took of her. (Do stalkers do this in real life, or only on TV?) Bobby and Pam eventually rescued Lucy, but not before Pam told off Roger in one of Principal’s best scenes. Gee, like Sue Ellen, maybe Lucy should’ve gotten kidnapped more often too.

Joan Van Ark, Knots Landing, Valene Ewing

Feet first

4. Lucy (Early 1960s). Lucy’s first kidnapping is an integral part of “Dallas” lore. It’s mentioned in the first episode, when Lucy recalls how J.R.’s “old boys” snatched her from Valene’s arms when she was a baby and brought her to Southfork to be raised by Jock and Miss Ellie. We finally saw the kidnapping in a “Knots Landing” flashback, where we learned the ugly mess probably could’ve been prevented: No, I’m not referring to the fact that Lillimae refused to let Val (Joan Van Ark) into her shack when J.R.’s henchmen were chasing her. I’m talking about the fact Val was barefoot when she was trying to outrun them. Good grief, Val. Buy some shoes.

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, Tyler Banks

Carry on

3. John Ross (1981). When Sue Ellen and John Ross went to live at the Southern Cross, J.R. was determined to get his boy back. He saw an opportunity when Sue Ellen took the child with her to Kristin’s funeral in New Mexico. Mother and son were gliding through a Love Field terminal when two of J.R.’s thugs approached. While one man distracted Sue Ellen, the other snatched the child. Suddenly, Dusty Farlow and a trio of Southern Cross cowboys swarmed the dude holding John Ross. “Give us the boy,” Dusty demanded — and of course the guy did. This might have been “Dallas’s” briefest abduction, but wasn’t it exciting!

Barbara Bel Geddes, Dallas, Miss Ellie Ewing

Trunk show

2. Miss Ellie. Look everybody, Donna’s here! What’s wrong, Donna? You seem upset. What’s that, you say? Jessica called Dusty and told him Clayton’s wedding to Miss Ellie (Barbara Bel Geddes) is off? And then Jessica knocked you out with the phone? And then she stole your car? And then she took Mama?! Geez, Donna, couldn’t you have given us that last bit of information first? No matter. Between Susan Howard’s pained delivery and Richard Lewis Warren’s tension-building score, the scene where the Ewings discover Mama has been abducted by loony tune Jessica is positively thrilling — even if Donna did bury the lede.

April Ewing, Dallas, Sheree J. Wilson

Grand theft auto

1. April. Every abduction on this list ends happily for the victim — except this one. The original “Dallas” kicked off its final season with the kidnapping of April (Sheree J. Wilson) during her Parisian honeymoon with Bobby. The storyline was a little complicated — the culprit was Hillary Taylor (Susan Lucci), a mystery woman who took April so she could assume her identity and make a big speech at an OPEC conference — and yet it was also a dramatic thrill ride. Fans expected Bobby to get his bride back by the time all was said and done — and so imagine our surprise when she was gunned down at the conference. It was a hell of a way to start the original show’s last season, telegraphing to the audience that this would be the year anything could happen on “Dallas” — and damn near did.

Which kidnapping did you find most harrowing on “Dallas”? Share your thoughts below and read more “Dal-Lists.”

Critique: TNT’s ‘Dallas’ Episode 36 — ‘Hurt’

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Hurt, Patrick Duffy, TNT

His kingdom of dirt

Bobby Ewing is the steward of Southfork, but Patrick Duffy is the steward of Bobby Ewing. In “Hurt,” Duffy steps behind the camera and directs his first “Dallas” episode in more than two decades, demonstrating how well he knows both his character and the mythology that defines this franchise. This is an hour rooted in “Dallas” history, with references to Jock, Miss Ellie, the Barnes/Ewing feud and of course J.R., whose presence here is as strong as it was in last year’s funeral episode. Just as importantly, “Hurt” reveals Duffy’s knack for the conventions of modern “Dallas” storytelling, including cinematic, made-for-HD shots of Southfork and a musical montage that’s destined to be remembered as one of this show’s most moving.

Between the two of them, Duffy and scriptwriter Aaron Allen transform “Hurt” into a showcase for the “Dallas” ensemble, beginning with the riveting post-credits showdown, when Elena gathers the Ewings together and exposes the plot to frame Cliff. The staging evokes memories of the original cast standing around the living room, knocking back drinks and trading quips, although it also plays like a parlor scene out of a Miss Marple mystery. (One difference: On “Dallas,” everyone is guilty of something.) Next, Josh Henderson and Julie Gonzalo’s estranged spouses, John Ross and Pamela, have a nicely measured confrontation on the Southfork lawn, followed by a long-awaited moment of catharsis for Brenda Strong’s Ann, who finally gets to say what every fan’s been thinking lately: Isn’t Bobby being a hypocrite when he accuses his wife of keeping secrets from him?

Duffy also elicits a strong performance from Jordana Brewster, who brings the right mix of determination and doubt to Elena’s scenes, as well as another moving turn from Marlene Forte and a fun-but-too-brief appearance by Ken Kercheval, who gives us a glimpse of old-school Cliff Barnes giddiness when the character learns he’ll be getting out of jail. Of course, no one delivers for Duffy quite like his longtime friend and co-star, Linda Gray. In one of “Hurt’s” most powerful scenes, she confronts Bobby about not telling her the truth about J.R.’s death, allowing Gray to go from anger to disbelief to bitter disappointment. Her parting shot — “Miss Ellie would be ashamed of you” — is one for the ages. I can’t imagine any words that would hurt Bobby more, can you? (Also: Shades of Barbara Bel Geddes’ memorable “You both sicken me!” line to Jim Davis and Larry Hagman in “The New Mrs. Ewing,” the first of 29 episodes Duffy helmed during the original show’s run.)

Bobby and Sue Ellen’s scene also allows “Dallas” to address a mystery that has puzzled fans since her eulogy in “J.R.’s Masterpiece”: Why did J.R. invite his ex-wife to dinner if he knew he was never going to make it back to Dallas in the first place? I’ve always thought of J.R.’s invitation as a metaphor — he wasn’t asking Sue Ellen on a date, he was asking her to forgive him — which seems to be the subtext of Gray’s next great scene, when Sue Ellen visits Bum’s humble home in her quest for answers. The conversation ends with Bum asking Sue Ellen to forgive him. Her haunting response: “You’re not the one I need to forgive.” (In a lovely nod to Kevin Page, the wonderful actor and artist who makes Bum so sweetly charming, we also learn the character is the painter behind the J.R. portrait hanging at Ewing Global.)

Of course, Duffy is smart enough to give himself several good scenes too. If Bobby has gotten a little off course this season — always yelling at Ann and John Ross — “Hurt” might be remembered as the episode that puts him back on track, or at least the segment that makes him sympathetic again. In “Hurt’s” most poignant moment, Bobby enters Southfork, which stands empty after the rest of the Ewings have walked out on him. For an instant, he’s become J.R. at the end of the original series, wandering around that big house after he’s driven away everyone else. Then, with Johnny Cash’s “Hurt” playing in the background, Bobby demolishes his study in a flash of rage. The song might have been written about the horrors of drug addiction, but with its references to a “crown of thorns” and an “empire of dirt,” is it not also the perfect song for our favorite martyr-like rancher?

I also have to appreciate how expertly this sequence is edited, especially when Cash sings “my sweetest friend” and J.R.’s face, smiling from behind the framed glass, fills the screen. Indeed, “Hurt” can be seen as a kind of companion piece to the elegiac “J.R.’s Masterpiece.” It’s fitting that our hero’s final scheme falls apart here, given how many of his schemes backfired during the original series. Allen’s script seems to acknowledge this when Elena delivers her comments about how the Ewings “rushed to sentimentalize” J.R. after his death. She might as well be talking about the “Dallas” audience — although for the record, I believe J.R. did change in old age. Of course, I’m also the first to admit that I’ve always worshipped at the altar of J.R. Ewing, even before he was redeemed.

Elena’s comments are an example of how Allen’s “Dallas” scripts always contain dialogue that sticks with you. Another example is Henderson and Gonzalo’s conversation on the lawn in “Hurt.” John Ross: “If you give me the chance, Pamela, I’ll fix everything.” Pamela: “I don’t want you to fix things. I want you to stop breaking them.” I also love this episode’s sharper exchanges, beginning with John Ross’s farewell to Elena and Nicolas, which Henderson delivers with perfect acidity (“Y’all can both go to hell”), as well as Bobby’s description of his family’s longest-running conflict and Elena’s non-role in it: “The Barnes/Ewing feud is a whole other beast. And it doesn’t involve you. You want to take that dog for a walk? Fine. But if it bites somebody, it’s because you let it.” This sounds like the sort of thing a Texan would say, does it not?

I also like how “Hurt” gives the “Dallas” women the upper hand in several scenes. It’s good to see Sue Ellen figure out Bum shot J.R., and I appreciate how Elena puts the power to pardon Cliff in Pamela’s hands, although I’m not sure what to make of Elena giving Pamela land that Jock “stole” from Digger. Then again, the origins of the Barnes/Ewing war have always been kind of murky. In that spirit, I even like Ann’s common-sense prescription to resolving the conflict — “You end a blood feud by walking away from it” — although I sure as hell hope no one on this show ever follows that advice.

I even like “Hurt” because of what it doesn’t contain: Duffy and Allen give us no whiplash-inducing plot twists, choosing instead to offer character-driven surprises like the revelation about Bum’s artistic skills. Yes, this episode’s drug cartel sequences get in the way of the real drama involving the Ewings, but at least one of those scenes features Emma Bell’s Emma Ryland, who is always a kick. Her conversation with Luis about the Beach Boys is kind of kooky, but it’s also an example of another Allen signature: Recall Carlos Bernard’s monologue about dancing in “Collateral Damage” and Mitch Pileggi’s speech about Komodo dragons in “Let Me In.” Sometimes it’s clearer than others what the characters are really saying in these scenes, but for me at least, figuring it out is part of the fun.

Ultimately, any complaints about the cartel scenes are quibbles, because no matter how you slice it, this is a terrific hour of “Dallas.” It’s an achievement for everyone involved, but most of all Duffy, whose turn in the director’s chair marks the first time someone who had a hand in shaping the storytelling on the original series does something similar for the sequel. We’ve known for a while that Duffy is still capable of dazzling us when he steps in front of the “Dallas” cameras, and now we know the same is also true when he works behind the scenes.

Grade: A

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, Hurt, Patrick Duffy, TNT

Hurts so good

‘HURT’

Season 3, Episode 11

Telecast: September 1, 2014

Writer: Aaron Allen

Director: Patrick Duffy

Synopsis: Elena tells the Ewings how J.R. swindled her father and also exposes Bobby, John Ross and Christopher’s conspiracy to frame Cliff for J.R.’s “murder.” Bobby is chastised by Ann, Pamela and Sue Ellen, who later confronts Bum. Bobby agrees to give Elena restitution and land and arranges for Cliff to be pardoned, but Elena gives both the parcel and the clemency paperwork to Pamela, telling her she should decide if her father gets out of prison. John Ross learns Nicolas sent the video to Pamela and retaliates by telling Nicolas that Elena slept with him to get her hands on J.R.’s letter. Nicolas forgives Elena and leaves town with her, but not before consulting the mysterious Victor Des Lauriers about Ewing Global’s looming initial public offering. Christopher realizes Nicolas is Elena’s childhood friend, Joaquin. Harris tells Emma about his work with the CIA after he learns she’s been meeting with the cartel.

Cast: Emma Bell (Emma Ryland), Jordana Brewster (Elena Ramos), Juan Pablo Di Pace (Nicolas Treviño), Patrick Duffy (Bobby Ewing), Marlene Forte (Carmen Ramos), Julie Gonzalo (Pamela Ewing), Linda Gray (Sue Ellen Ewing), Josh Henderson (John Ross Ewing), Antonio Jaramillo (Luis), Ken Kercheval (Cliff Barnes), Jesse Metcalfe (Christopher Ewing), Kevin Page (Bum), Gino Anthony Pesi (George Tatangelo), Mitch Pileggi (Harris Ryland), Max Ryan (Victor Des Lauriers), Brenda Strong (Ann Ewing)

“Hurt” is available at DallasTNT.com, Amazon and iTunes. Watch the episode and share your comments below.

The Dal-List: Another 15 Reasons to Watch TNT’s ‘Dallas’

Dallas, Elena Ramos, John Ross Ewing, Jordana Brewster, Josh Henderson, TNT

Never take your eye off a Ewing

“Dallas” is back to finish its third season on TNT, beginning Monday, August 18. If Dallas Decoder’s earlier list didn’t persuade you to start watching this show, hopefully this one will.

Dallas, Emma Bell, Emma Ryland, TNT

Reading is fundamental

15. “Dallas” is “Beach Read TV.” The world becomes a different place this time of year, don’t you think? Even when you’re not on vacation, you’ve mentally checked out, at least a little. That’s what makes “Dallas” the ideal summertime show. It’s pure entertainment, although it can also be surprisingly smart without getting too heavy. In other words: “Dallas” is the television equivalent of a great beach read. Dive in and let yourself get lost in it.

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, TNT

Cool down

14. “Dallas” will help you stay cool. Here’s another reason “Dallas” makes great summertime viewing. You know how eating spicy food in hot weather makes you sweat, which in turn helps you cool off? Well, “Dallas” essentially does the same thing. Don’t believe me? Then check out the picture at right and the one above. These are the kinds of scenes you get in every “Dallas” episode. If that doesn’t raise your perspiration levels, I don’t know what will.

Ann Ewing, Bobby Ewing, Brenda Strong, Dallas, Patrick Duffy, TNT

Dynamic duo

13. Patrick Duffy and Brenda Strong are kicking ass. Of course, “Dallas” isn’t just sex and skin. This show also boasts one of prime time’s strongest ensembles, beginning with Duffy and Strong. The increasingly rocky marriage of their characters, Bobby and Ann Ewing, has become the stuff of great domestic drama, especially whenever he accuses her of lying. Don’t you want to be there when Ann finds out all the stuff Bobby’s been keeping from her?

Dallas, Juan Pablo Di Pace, Nicolas Trevino, TNT

The dark side

12. Juan Pablo Di Pace is on fire. When Di Pace showed up on “Dallas” earlier this year, his character, Nicolas Treviño, was a charming rapscallion. What a difference a half-season makes! Nicolas has gotten darker and more twisted — as Elena’s poor, punctured diaphragm would tell you. (If diaphragms could, you know, talk). It’s impressive to see how effectively Di Pace has altered his performance, turning that suave smile into something so sinister.

Dallas, Elena Ramos, Jordana Brewster, TNT

Read ’em all

11. “Dallas” has the world’s most passionate fans. I hope you enjoy reading Dallas Decoder, but this site isn’t the only game in town. You’ll find fun interviews at Dallas Fanzine, nifty graphics and insightful commentary at Dallas Divas Derby, and all-around excellent coverage at Ultimate Dallas, the granddaddy of “Dallas” fan sites. And that’s just to name a few! Only a great show like “Dallas” could inspire this kind of hardcore obsessiveness.

Dallas, Judith Light, Judith Ryland, TNT

Boo!

10. If you like (blank), you’ll love “Dallas.” Our show has a lot in common with many of TV’s best dramas. Examples: Do you get a kick out of the twisty “Scandal”? You’ll go crazy for “Dallas,” which offers a steady stream of OMG! moments. Are you addicted to “Downton Abbey”? “Dallas” is pretty much the same show, but without the funny accents. Do you go gaga over the evil witches of “American Horror Story”? Good news! We’ve got one of those too.

AnnaLynne McCord, Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Heather McCabe, Jesse Metcalfe, TNT

True romance

9. Jesse Metcalfe and AnnaLynne McCord are charming. “Dallas’s” most pleasant surprise this year? The pairing of Metcalfe and McCord’s characters, Christopher and Heather, whose down-to-earth romance has proven a nice antidote to the show’s wackier plotlines. Of course, this is “Dallas,” where couples rarely live happily ever after, so we probably shouldn’t get too attached to Christopher and Heather. Kinda like Metcalfe’s beard, which we still miss.

Dallas, Emma Bell, Emma Ryland, TNT

So good, so bad

8. Emma is excellent! Do you love to hate a wicked witch? Oh, have we got one for you! Meet Emma Ryland, the home-wrecking hussy played to perfection by Emma Bell. It’s fun to hiss at the vixenish Emma whenever she slinks onto the screen, but don’t be surprised if you find yourself feeling sorry for her. That’s because Bell never lets the audience forget that Emma is more damaged than evil. I mean, cut the gal some slack. She was raised by Judith, after all.

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, TNT

It’s a party, Uncle Bobby

7. Every “Dallas” episode is a party. The only thing better than watching “Dallas” is watching it with your fellow fans. With Twitter, you can view the show live on Mondays while simultaneously tweeting about it with other “Dallas” diehards. Everyone comes together to OMG when John Ross outmaneuvers his rivals and LOL when Harris cracks wise about Judith. Each episode is a celebration, and who couldn’t use one of those on Monday nights?

Dallas, Harris Ryland, Mitch Pileggi, TNT

The chameleon

6. Mitch Pileggi is one of television’s most watchable actors. Pileggi has been entertaining us for years, and never more so than in his role as Harris Ryland, “Dallas’s” resident chameleon. Is Harris really carrying a torch for ex-wife Ann, or is he just trying to spite his controlling mama Judith? Is he really trying to help the CIA bring down the drug cartel, or does he have a trick up his sleeve? No one keeps us guessing like the awesome Pileggi.

Dallas, Julie Gonzalo, Pamela Rebecca Barnes Ewing, TNT

What’s next, darlin’?

5. Just say Julie! You know who else keeps “Dallas” fans on their toes? Julie Gonzalo, who plays irrepressible Pamela Rebecca Barnes Ewing. In three seasons, Pamela has been a desperate con artist, a bitch-on-wheels corporate tigress, a would-be mother devastated over the loss of her unborn children, and a hopeful wife who has no idea her husband is a cheat. What will be Pamela’s next role? I have no idea, but I know Gonzalo will nail it.

Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Elena Ramos, Jesse Metcalfe, John Ross Ewing, Jordana Brewster, Josh Henderson, TNT

Those jackets! Those boots!

4. Watch and be inspired. Not only will “Dallas” help you cool off, the show can also help you look cool. Part of the fun of watching “Dallas” is to see what the characters are wearing — and then recreating those looks in your own wardrobe. That’s easy to do, thanks to mega-talented costume designer Rachel Sage Kunin, who dresses the cast in clothing that’s aspirational yet accessible. Let “Dallas” show you how to dress like a million bucks without spending it.

Dallas, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, TNT

Shades of Gray

3. Linda Gray is amazing. As I’ve written before, Gray is great because she makes you feel everything her character, Sue Ellen, does. This season, we’ve experienced Sue Ellen’s joy when she outmaneuvered the governor, as well as her shame over her never-ending battle with the bottle. Will our heroine rise from the ashes of the Southfork fire? Maybe, maybe not. The only sure bet is that Gray will continue to dominate this series like no one else.

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, TNT

The future has arrived

2. Josh Henderson is outstanding. The most thrilling part of “Dallas” this season? Watching Henderson become one of the most captivating actors on TV. His character, John Ross Ewing, is still struggling to escape the shadow of his legendary father J.R., and Henderson is rising to the occasion, delivering complex, absorbing performances. I have no doubt he has Emmys and Oscars in his future — and maybe a Grammy or two. (Dude can sing!)

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, TNT

Long live the king!

1. J.R. Ewing lives! We all miss Larry Hagman and “Dallas” will never be the same without him, but the new show is doing a splendid job preserving his memory. The spirit of J.R. lives through props like his wristwatch and painting, as well as those J.R. Ewing Bourbon bottles that keep popping up. Mostly, J.R.’s presence is felt through costars like Gray and Henderson, whose performances honor Hagman and the remarkable legacy he left behind.

Why do you watch TNT’s “Dallas”? Share your comments below and read more “Dal-Lists.”

3 Days, 33 Episodes: Here’s How to Catch Up on TNT’s ‘Dallas’

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, TNT

Look back

Did you promise yourself you’d spend the summer getting acquainted — or reacquainted — with TNT’s “Dallas”? Did you fail to keep this promise? Relax: You still have time. Grab your DVDs and downloads and have a marathon of your own this weekend. Here’s how to watch all 33 hours of the show before the third season resumes on Monday, August 18.

 

Friday, August 15

9 to 11 p.m. Kick off your marathon on Friday night at 9 o’clock — the holiest hour of the week for “Dallas” fans — with a double feature of the TNT’s show’s first two episodes: “Changing of the Guard” and “Hedging Your Bets.”

Can you watch the former without getting chills when J.R. (Larry Hagman) doffs his cowboy hat, flashes his grin and declares, “Bobby may not be stupid, but I’m a hell of a lot smarter”? Can you watch the latter without getting choked up when our hero tells Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) she’s “still the prettiest girl at the ball”? Me either.

 

Christopher Ewing, Dallas, Elena Ramos, Jesse Metcalfe, Jordana Brewster, TNT

First time for everything

Saturday, August 16

7 a.m. Rise and shine, darlins! With so much “Dallas” to watch today, there’ll be no sleeping in. Resume your marathon with “The Price You Pay,” in which Julie Gonzalo’s character receives a smartphone pic of her husband kissing another woman. Get used to it, honey.

8 a.m. Have breakfast with “The Last Hurrah,” in which John Ross (Josh Henderson) squirts Elena (Jordana Brewster) with his hose. Insert your own joke here.

9 a.m. Have you done your workout yet? Download “Truth and Consequences” to your mobile device and head to the gym. Mitch Pileggi’s debut as Harris Ryland is bound to get your heart racing.

10 a.m. Got errands to run? Chores to complete? You’ve got one hour. Make the most of it.

11 a.m. We learn jewelry makes Ann (Brenda Strong) cry in “The Enemy of My Enemy.” Then again, doesn’t everything?

Noon. Grab lunch while watching “Collateral Damage,” in which Vicente Cano (Carlos Bernard) wonders if John Ross: 1) is a good dancer, and 2) has any oil in his pipeline. OMG, Vicente was such a flirt!

1 p.m. Tommy (Callard Harris) plants a kiss on Rebecca in “No Good Deed” — which is almost as creepy as when Nicolas starts smooching Elena in Season 3.

2 p.m. Bloody monkeys, Johnny Cash and the redemption of J.R. Ewing. It’s “Family Business” — one of my favorite episodes of this show.

3 p.m. Carmen (Marlene Forte) gets one of the crummiest chores in “Dallas” history — returning Elena’s engagement ring to John Ross — in “Revelations.” Also: More Johnny Cash!

4 p.m. Have you taken a bathroom break yet? If not, take care of that now, and then hurry back to your TV or tablet to watch the second-season opener, “Battle Lines,” in which Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe) learns his wife is really his cousin. Ick.

5 p.m. In “Venomous Creatures,” J.R. saves Sue Ellen from going to jail and Judith Light discovers a taste for “Dallas” scenery.

6 p.m. Drew (Kuno Becker) arrives in “Sins of the Father” — his hair won’t show up for several more episodes — and calls John Ross “J-Ro.” Thank heavens that didn’t catch on. Also: Ann shoots Harris!

7 p.m. Has your family seen you at all today? Why not take a break from the Ewings and go have dinner with them.

8 p.m. to midnight: The next four episodes are a murder-a-thon, so brace yourself. Frank (Faran Tahir) offs himself in “False Confessions,” Brenda Strong kills it during Ann’s testimony scene in “Trial and Error,” Vicente bites the dust in “Blame Game,” and then the saddest shot of all: the death of J.R. Ewing in “The Furious and the Fast.”

Midnight. The nice thing about a late-night viewing of “J.R.’s Masterpiece” is that no one else in your house is awake to see you bawling. Once you’ve dried your tears, catch some shut-eye. Tomorrow is going to be another big day.

 

Dallas, Judith Light, Judith Ryland, TNT

Leg up

Sunday, August 17

8 a.m. You did a hell of a job yesterday, “Dallas” fan. Your reward: You get to start your Sunday with the wonderfully wacky hodgepodge that is “Ewings Unite!” Miss Ellie disinherits Bobby from beyond the grave, Valene (Joan Van Ark) reveals she’s as loony as ever and Cliff becomes the most hated man in the history of “Dallas” fandom.

9 a.m. Audrey Landers shows she can slink around a corner better than anyone in “Guilt and Innocence.”

10 a.m. In “Let Me In,” Harris reveals his fondness for: 1) TV nature documentaries, 2) Almonds, and 3) Hunting Ramoses.

11 a.m. John Ross and Pamela get wet in “A Call to Arms.”

Noon. You know what goes good with a nice, leisurely Sunday brunch? Watching Bobby take that badass, slow-motion walk away from Cliff at the end of “Love and Family.”

1 p.m. Christopher discovers the mystery lady under the big hat is not his mama in “Guilt by Association.” It’s not Aunt Katherine either, sadly.

2 p.m. Kevin Page joins Mary Crosby as an answer to “Dallas’s” most famous trivia question in “Legacies.”

3 p.m. You might think this would be a good time to take a break, but you’d be wrong. The die is cast and there’s no turning back, so keep plugging away with the third-season episodes, beginning with “The Return,” in which J.R.’s belt buckle begins wearing John Ross. Also: Hello, Nicolas (Juan Pablo Di Pace)!

4 p.m. Time for “Trust Me” a.k.a. “Judith’s Snow Day.”

5 p.m. In “Playing Chicken,” Professor Bobby Ewing teaches us about endangered wildlife.

6 p.m. “Lifting the Veil” is the episode that should’ve included Sue Ellen’s comparison of Emma (Emma Bell) to Kristin, but instead it’s the episode that gives us scenes of hookers in canine costumes.

7 p.m. Dinnertime! Enjoy a glass of J.R. Ewing Bourbon (surely you have some, right?) while watching “D.T.R.” After the episode, check your bottle and make sure Sue Ellen didn’t bug it.

8 p.m. Despite the title “Like Father, Like Son,” John Ross wants you to know that he is not his father! Also: Carter McKay has grandchildren!

9 p.m. Pamela rocks Stella McCartney in “Like a Bad Penny.”

10 p.m. It’s finally time for “Where There’s Smoke.” Southfork goes up in flames and you get to go down for a well-deserved rest. Don’t forget to watch “Dallas’s” midseason premiere Monday night!

What are your favorite “Dallas” episodes? Share your choices below and read more features from Dallas Decoder.

#DallasChat Daily: How Did J.R. Change?

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, TNT

No one goes through life without changing at least a little — even mighty J.R. Ewing.

We watched J.R. for more than 35 years, observing him through milestones like the death of his daddy, the birth of his son, the dissolution of his marriage and the fall and rise of his empire. How did these moments affect him?

Your #DallasChat Daily question: How did J.R. change over the years?

Share your comments below and join other #DallasChat Daily discussions.

#DallasChat Daily: What Was J.R.’s Greatest Weakness?

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Bullets may not have had much effect on him (until the end, that is), but J.R. Ewing wasn’t invulnerable.

He was easily tempted by other women, he had trouble making ethical business decisions and his deep-seated jealousies often got the better of him.

Your #DallasChat Daily question: What was J.R.’s greatest weakness?

Share your comments below and join other #DallasChat Daily discussions.

#DallasChat Daily: Do You Admire J.R.?

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

J.R. Ewing achieved a lot of great things in life, but his methods were usually terrible.

Did the ends justify the means? Did the good outweigh the bad? Are you able to look past all of J.R.’s lying, cheating and scheming and find qualities in him that are commendable?

Your #DallasChat Daily questions: Do you admire J.R.? Why or why not?

Share your comments below and join other #DallasChat Daily discussions.

#DallasChat Daily: What Was J.R.’s Worst Act?

Cliff Barnes, Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Ken Kercheval, Kristin Shepard, Larry Hagman, Mary Crosby, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing

We all loved J.R. Ewing, even though he wasn’t exactly Mr. Nice Guy. During the course of the original “Dallas,” he lied, cheated and stabbed the backs of friend and foe alike. But what was his worst act of all?

Was it putting Sue Ellen in the sanitarium? Having an affair with Kristin? Driving Cliff to attempt suicide? Mortgaging Southfork without Jock and Miss Ellie’s knowledge? Forcing Holly and Laurel to have sex with him? Selling oil to Cuba? Trying to blow up the Middle East? Leading Pam on a wild goose chase to find the missing Mark? Bringing Lisa to Dallas to try to take Christopher away from Bobby? Taking that doomed hunting trip to Haleyville, Arkansas?

Your #DallasChat Daily question: What’s the worst thing J.R. ever did?

Share your comments below and join other #DallasChat Daily discussions.

Tonight on #DallasChat: ‘All Our J.R.s’

Dallas, Jim Davis, Jock Ewing, John Ross Ewing, Josh Henderson, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, TNT

Triple threat

You’re invited to Dallas Decoder’s next #DallasChat on Twitter, which I’ll hold Monday, August 4, from 9 to 10 p.m. Eastern time.

We’ll discuss three of the “Dallas” franchise’s most fascinating characters — John Ross Ewing Sr., John Ross Ewing Jr. and John Ross Ewing III — so our theme will be: “All Our J.R.s.”

If you have ideas for questions, leave them in the comments section below, tweet them to me @DallasDecoder or post them to my Facebook page. I may choose one or more questions and ask them during our discussion.

New to #DallasChat? Here’s how it works: For one hour, I tweet 10 questions to my fellow “Dallas” fans. Each question is numbered and includes the hashtag #DallasChat, so your answers should do the same. Please include the show’s official hashtag, #DallasTNT, in your tweets too.

Here’s a sample exchange:

Q1. Who’s a better businessman: Jock, J.R. or John Ross? #DallasTNT #DallasChat

A1. Sorry J.R. and John Ross, but I’ve got to go with Jock. After all, he started the Ewing empire from nothing! #Dallas TNT #DallasChat

Two tips:

  • During the discussion, enter #DallasChat in Twitter’s search field. This will help you watch the search results so you can follow the conversation. Click “All” to see all the related tweets.
  • Be sure to include #DallasChat in your tweets. This allows the other participants to see your contributions to the conversation.

I hope you can join the discussion. See you tonight!