
Into that good night
Saying goodbye to “Dallas” isn’t hard because I never got used to the show being back in the first place. Like many fans, I grew up with the original series, watching it with my family on Friday nights for more than a decade. When “Dallas” went off the air in 1991, I kept on watching — first in cable reruns, then on mail-order VHS tapes and finally on DVD. I used to imagine the show returning someday, but I never expected it to actually happen. Once it did, it felt like I was living my own version of a “Dallas” dream season. Pam Ewing’s may have ended after 31 episodes, but mine lasted three whole years.
Like all dreams, this one was a bit surreal. On the new “Dallas,” J.R. was old, Bobby answered to “Robert” and Sue Ellen was sometimes missing in action. But once the show found its groove — and once Linda Gray moved front and center — I came to love it. This was a darker, edgier interpretation of the “Dallas” I once knew, but it was still “Dallas,” and it went on to deliver moments that became all-time favorites: J.R. returning ownership of Southfork to Bobby. Ann secretly recording Harris, then socking him. The revelation that Rebecca is Pamela. Sue Ellen getting drunk on the night before J.R.’s funeral. Bobby’s slow-motion walk away from Cliff. John Ross declaring that he’s not his father. All those Johnny Cash musical montages.
The more I watched, the more the new series transported me back to my childhood. On the morning after every episode, I received a phone call from my mom, who could hardly wait to gab about what happened to the Ewings the night before. Our conversations were a lot like the post-“Dallas” discussions we used to have around the Saturday morning breakfast table when I was a kid. “Dallas” also became something I could share with my husband Andrew, who spent years being mystified by my obsession with the original series. (The first time I sat him down to watch “Digger’s Daughter,” he dozed off before Bobby and Pam arrived at Southfork.) The new show hooked Andrew right away, though, and he came to enjoy it as much as me.
More than anything, I loved covering “Dallas” for this website. I got to critique episodes, interview cast members and compile list after list of “Dallas” minutiae. Writing about the show also took me back to my youth, when I used to sit at the kitchen table, pecking out “Dallas” story ideas that I’d mail to Leonard Katzman, the original show’s producer. He never wrote back, but my Dallas Decoder posts received lots of feedback from fellow fans who were eager to comment and share their own thoughts about the show. I loved hearing from them, as well as all the folks who helped me “fanalyze” the series during my weekly #DallasChat discussions on Twitter. Together, we became our own “Dallas” family, bonding over our shared love for the new series.
Does that sound corny? I’m sure it does, but it’s true. Yes, “Dallas” was a soap opera, a TV show, flickering images inside the box in front of the living room sofa. But to a lot of us, it meant so much more. I wrote about the series whenever I found a spare moment, whether it was late at night at home or on the train during my morning commute. I’ve also lugged my laptop to beaches and national parks, and on more than one occasion, I’ve asked Andrew to reschedule dinner reservations or rearrange weekend plans so I could complete some Dallas Decoder writing project. He never complained — not even on the night we had to delay our anniversary dinner because I had a phone interview with Julie Gonzalo. (It probably didn’t hurt that Andrew and I share a not-so-secret crush on Pamela Rebecca Barnes Ewing Ewing.)
Through it all, watching, writing and chatting about “Dallas” was an extended, please-don’t-wake-me moment — with two exceptions. The first came two years ago, when my childhood hero Larry Hagman died. Like all “Dallas” fans, I hated losing him, although I was grateful the new series gave him an opportunity to leave us playing the character he loved most. The second tough moment was far more personal: the death of my older brother last year. Growing up, Rick was our family’s version of J.R. He was forever breaking the rules and landing in hot water with people — including the multiple girlfriends he was always juggling — but since he possessed one of the world’s great smiles, you could never stay mad at him. One month after Bobby stood at J.R.’s gravesite and paid tribute to his big brother, I found myself standing in a church, eulogizing mine. Losing Rick is the hardest thing I ever experienced, but I’m so glad I had this website, which offered a welcome distraction when I needed it most.
“Dallas” also provided me with one of the coolest experiences of my life: Earlier this year, the show’s costume designer, the wonderful Rachel Sage Kunin, allowed me to shadow her for a “day in the life” story for Dallas Decoder. Andrew joined me as we followed Rachel around and watched her prepare the cast’s wardrobe for the third-season finale. She also took us on a tour of the soundstages; we actually got to wander around the Southfork living room and the Ewing Global offices! I could hardly believe my good fortune. I planned to post the story after the season finale aired in September, but then TNT canceled the series and I shifted into #SaveDallas mode. Now that those efforts have ended, I look forward to finally sharing the piece soon.
Speaking of #SaveDallas: As I wrote last week, I was proud to be part of the legion of fans who came together and tried to rescue the series after its cancellation. We didn’t succeed in saving the Ewings, but we did let the world know how much they mean to us. As for the cancellation itself: I believe “Dallas’s” ratings drop can be attributed to a lot of factors, including its tough time slot and the loss of fans who felt the show strayed from the spirit of the original series. Some of these folks are Dallas Decoder regulars, and even though they don’t share my affection for the new series, they never begrudged me my opinion. I thank them for this. I also thank all the readers who did love the show and came along with me for the ride. I hope you had fun.
So even though I’m disappointed “Dallas” is ending and even though I’ll miss it, it’s not hard to say goodbye. My favorite TV show returned for three years. I got to watch it, to write about it, and to share it with my family and fellow fans. It was a joyful experience; to ask for anything more almost feels greedy. I thank the cast for delivering so many performances that moved me, and I thank the many gifted people who worked behind the scenes. Once again, I also thank everyone who reads this site. Make no mistake: “Dallas” has ended but Dallas Decoder is going to stick around. I still have things I want to say about the show, and I still want to hear what all of you think. We have great conversations ahead.
That brings me to the other reason it isn’t hard to say goodbye to “Dallas,” which is this: It’s not a final farewell. We’re unlikely to see another “Dallas” series anytime soon, but that doesn’t mean the Ewings won’t return with new adventures in the future. Maybe it won’t be a TV show; perhaps the stories will be told through other forms of media. Consider the serendipity of the timing of “Dallas’s” end, which came a few days shy of the anniversary of Mr. Hagman’s death. Just as J.R. will never really leave us, I refuse to believe we’ve seen the last of his family. Someday, somehow, “Dallas” will return — and with any luck, I’ll be here to take the ride all over again.
After all, who says dreams can’t come true twice?
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