Knots Landing – Dallas Decoder

The Dallas Decoder Guide to Surviving a Hostage Crisis

February 25, 2013 by Chris Baker 7 Comments

Blame Game, Dallas, Drew Ramos, Kuno Becker, TNT

Drew to the rescue

In “Blame Game,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode, Vicente Cano ambushes Southfork and holds the Ewings captive. Dumb move, Vicente. These people are experts at surviving hostage crises, as they demonstrated time and again on the original “Dallas” and its “Knots Landing” spinoff. Let them show you how.

Charlene Tilton, Cooper Huckabee, Dallas, Lucy Ewing, Payton Allen

Light her fire

Beware of cute boys with shaggy hair. The best way to survive hostage crises is to avoid them altogether – a lesson Lucy (Charlene Tilton) learned the hard way. When Payton Allen (Cooper Huckabee) showed up at Southfork one windy afternoon, she flirted with him shamelessly – until he took her whole family hostage. Eight episodes later, when Lucy saw Willie Gust at a roadside diner, she gave him a coquettish glance. His response: taking her hostage as he traversed Texas in his far-out custom van, waging a one-man crime spree.

Brian Dennehy, Dallas, Greg Evigan, Luther Frick, Willie Gust

Bear and B.J.

Don’t get star-struck. Once you find yourself in a hostage situation, you may notice that at least one of your captors looks familiar. In the Ewings’ cases, Willie (Greg Evigan) bore a striking resemblance to that one guy who used to ride around in a semi-truck with a monkey (or that one guy who raised a daughter with Paul Reiser), while Luther Frick (Brian Dennehy), Payton’s partner in crime, looked an awful lot like that one guy who’s been in everything. Don’t let this cause you to lower your defenses. Remember: These are bad men!

Dallas, Ginger Ward, Joan Van Ark, Karen Fairgate, Kim Lankford, Knots Landing, Michele Lee, Valene Ewing

Please, Karen. Not again.

Stay calm. Don’t let this picture mislead you. When Val (Joan Van Ark) threw a baby shower for her Seaview Circle neighbor Ginger (Kim Lankford) and armed robbers burst in and took everyone hostage, the ladies remained admirably restrained. The only reason they look panicked here is because Karen (Michele Lee) was threatening to recite her famous “Pollyanna speech” for the umpteenth time. Kidding! We love you, Karen. And you’re right: Nice should be the norm. If only the hostage-takers of the world felt that way!

Dallas, Linda Gray, Peter Ellington, Philip Anglim, Sue Ellen Ewing

Hurt her and you’ll answer to us

Keep your priorities straight. J.R. was hashing out a big oil deal with Bobby, Ray and Carter McKay when he discovered McKay’s nutty protégé Peter Ellington (Philip Anglim) was holding Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) at gunpoint in the next room. So what did J.R. do? He finished negotiating his deal of course! Once that was settled, J.R. let everyone know what was happening on the other side of the door so they could rescue Sue Ellen. Hey, don’t look so surprised. These are Ewings we’re talking about. Oil comes first. Always.

Abby Ewing, Dallas, Donna Mills, Knots Landing

Hi, bob

Always look your best. When villainous Mark St. Clair took Gary’s second wife Abby (Donna Mills) hostage in the back of a limousine during the final moments of “Knots Landing’s” 1983-84 season, her flaxen hair fell onto her shoulders. The following fall’s season premiere picked up moments later, yet Abby was now sporting a chic bob. How? Why? It was never explained. Perhaps she gave herself a trim to ensure she’d be camera-ready in case the press showed up to cover her eventual rescue. Now that’s thinking like a Ewing.

Abby Cunningham, Dallas, Donna Mills, Knots Landing

She never liked Val’s curtains anyway

Give Abby the weapon. Speaking of Abby: If you’re able to wrest control of your captor’s weapon and she happens to be nearby, by all means toss the instrument to her. She’ll know what to do with it. During Val’s baby-shower-from-hell, Abby used a fire extinguisher to blow away one of the bad guys (literally!). Later, during her own hostage crisis, Abby managed to grab St. Clair’s gun and turn it on him. In that instance, her rescuer Greg Sumner insisted she give him the gun. Just like him to waltz in and take over a show, isn’t it?

What’s the big deal?

Master the art of the fake-out. When J.R. (Larry Hagman) went to an abandoned theme park to negotiate the kidnapped John Ross’s release, the boy’s captor, B.D. Calhoun, thought J.R. was alone. Wrong! Bobby and Ray secretly tagged along and helped J.R. stage a daring rescue of his son. Years earlier, J.R. and Ray pulled a similar stunt when they helped Cliff negotiate Bobby’s release from a trio of dim-witted kidnappers. In that instance, Cliff was almost killed, which seemed to upset a lot of people. J.R. never understood why.

Command performance

When all else fails, sing! If your captors are anything like the bad guys the Ewings encounter, chances are they’re going to want you to sing. Don’t ask why; apparently this is something hostage-takers do. You could be like Sue Ellen, who sobbed her way through Barbra Streisand’s “People” for Frick and Allen, or you could play it like Lucy, who was forced to enter a talent competition by Willie and absolutely killed it with her rendition of “Silver Threads and Golden Needles.” It was a great performance, but we wonder: Why didn’t Lucy sing “Rescue Me” instead?

What have the Ewings taught you about surviving a hostage crisis? Share your comments below and read more “Dallas Decoder Guides.”

Filed Under: Dallas Decoder Guide to ..., Features Tagged With: Brian Dennehy, Charlene Tilton, Cooper Huckabee, Donna Mills, Greg Evigan, Joan Van Ark, Kim Lankford, Knots Landing, Larry Hagman, Linda Gray, Michele Lee, Philip Anglim, TNT

The Dal-List: Classic ‘Dallas’s’ 10 Most Memorable Monologues

February 25, 2013 by Chris Baker 10 Comments

Ann Ewing, Brenda Strong, Dallas, TNT, Trial and Error

Testify!

Few will forget the courtroom testimony that Ann (Brenda Strong) delivered at the end of “Trial and Error,” last week’s “Dallas” episode. Here’s a look at the Barneses’ and Ewings’ 10 most memorable monologues from the original series and its “Knots Landing” spinoff.

Barbara Bel Geddes, Dallas, Miss Ellie Ewing

Curses!

10. Miss Ellie’s lament. With the Ewing empire on the brink of collapse, Miss Ellie (Barbara Bel Geddes) goes to the site of Jock’s first strike and curses his memory. “Damn it all, Jock. You couldn’t have been an insurance salesman. Or a shoe salesman. No, you had to have oil in your blood. In your heart. And now … our sons are fighting for their lives.” It’s one of the better moments from one of the show’s better later episodes. (“Judgment Day”)

She remembers mama

9. Pam’s discovery. Pam (Victoria Principal), believing Rebecca Wentworth is her long-lost mother, confronts the Houston matron in her opulent home. “I found you. You’re alive. And I’m so happy. I don’t know how to tell you how happy I am,” she says through tears. With every line, Principal seems to reveal a little more of herself, so much so that by the end of the speech, her lip quivers uncontrollably. Bravo. (“The Prodigal Mother”)

Dallas, Priscilla Pointer, Rebecca Barnes Wentworth

Runaway mom

8. Rebecca’s confession. After denying her identity, Rebecca (Priscilla Pointer) sits with Pam on a park bench and tells her the truth: She is, in fact, Pam’s mother. “I never divorced Digger,” Rebecca says as her voice begins to crack. “I was afraid that if I tried, he’d find me, and drag me back to that awful life. Pamela, I saw a chance for happiness, and I took it. Don’t blame me for that.” Pointer’s delivery is hauntingly beautiful. (“The Prodigal Mother”)

Dallas, Gary Ewing, Knots Landing, Ted Shackelford

No beach bum

7. Gary’s mea culpa. Gary (Ted Shackelford) begs Lucy to stay in Knots Landing and apologizes for his past sins, telling her he’s trying hard to be a better man. “I’m not a loser anymore,” Gary says. At one point, he becomes tongue-tied, as if he can’t find the words to convey his guilt and regret. In the DVD commentary, Shackelford laughs and suggests he paused because he couldn’t remember his next line. No matter. It still works. (“Home is For Healing”)

Bye bye, love

6. Sue Ellen’s kiss-off. In Linda Gray’s “Dallas” departure, Sue Ellen shows J.R. the scandalous movie she’s made about their marriage – and vows to screen it for the public only if he misbehaves. “If I feel that you’re not doing right by John Ross … or if I get up on the wrong side of the bed one morning. Or if I’m simply bored – then I’ll release the movie. And then, J.R., you will be the laughingstock of Texas.” Corny? Sure, but also mighty triumphant – and darn memorable. (“Reel Life”)

Never too late

5. Cliff’s regret. My favorite Ken Kercheval scene: Cliff summons Miss Ellie to a park and apologizes for perpetuating his father’s grudge against the Ewings. “Digger was wrong, and I was wrong. If it’s not too late. I’d like to make peace. I’d like to ask you to forgive me,” Cliff says. In an interview with Dallas Decoder, Kercheval fondly recalled his friendship with Bel Geddes. What a shame these two pros didn’t get more screen time together. (“Brother Can You Spare a Child?”)

American dad

4. Jock’s plea. After Pam suffered her first heartbreaking miscarriage, Jock (Jim Davis) sat at her bedside and begged her and Bobby not to leave Southfork. “Us Ewings, we’re just not an easy family to live with, as you found out. We’ve had things our way for so long that maybe – well, maybe it got in the way of our being just people. I guess that you don’t have no reason to really care, but I want to keep my family together.” Who knew the old man could be so soft? (“Barbecue”)

He knows father best

3. Ray’s tribute. Ray (Steve Kanaly) tries to make Miss Ellie accept Jock’s death by reminding her of his humanity. “He was a man, just like anybody else. He had friends. He had lots of friends. But he had enemies, too. He was human, ambitious. He knew that the oil game was rough, hardball all the way. But he wanted what was best for his wife, and for his sons. And he did what he thought was right.” The most honest eulogy Jock ever received. (“Acceptance”)

Honor thy daddy

2. J.R.’s promise. J.R. (Larry Hagman), after slipping into a depression over Jock’s death, addresses a portrait of his father. “I’m back, Daddy. And nobody’s going to take Ewing Oil away from me. Or my son, or his son. I swear to you. By God, I’m going to make you proud of me.” The combination of Hagman’s conviction, scriptwriter David Paulsen’s dialogue and Bruce Broughton’s rousing score never fails to give me chills. (“The Phoenix”)

Exit the hero

1. Bobby’s goodbye. As Bobby (Patrick Duffy) lay dying in his hospital bed, he bids his family farewell. To Miss Ellie: “Oh, Mama. I’m sorry.” To Pam: “All that wasted time. We should’ve been married.” He seems to be looking at J.R. when he delivers his last words: “Be a family. I love you so much.” Duffy has never been better, and when the monitor flatlines and Principal leaps? Fuhgeddaboudit! Yes, the scene’s emotional impact is diminished somewhat by the fact it turned out to be a dream. Still, does “Dallas” get better than this? (“Swan Song”)

Which “Dallas” monologues moved you most? Share your choices below and read more “Dal-Lists.”

Filed Under: Dal-Lists, Opinion Tagged With: Acceptance, Barbara Bel Geddes, Barbecue, Brenda Strong, Brother Can You Spare a Child?, Bruce Broughton, David Paulsen, Home is For Healing, Jim Davis, Judgment Day, Ken Kercheval, Knots Landing, Larry Hagman, Linda Gray, Patrick Duffy, Phoenix, Priscilla Pointer, Prodigal Mother, Reel Life, Steve Kanaly, Swan Song, Ted Shackelford, TNT, Trial and Error, Victoria Principal

The Dal-List: Classic ‘Dallas’s’ 5 Most Meddlesome Mamas

February 15, 2013 by Chris Baker 6 Comments

Dallas, Judith Brown Ryland, Judith Light, TNT, Venomous Creatures

Boss mom

Judith Light is making quite a mark on TNT’s “Dallas,” where her cunning character, Judith Brown Ryland, exerts enormous influence over equally sadistic son Harris. Of course, Mrs. Ryland isn’t this franchise’s first meddlesome mama. Here’s a look at five others from the original “Dallas” and its “Knots Landing” spinoff, ranked in order from least intrusive to most.

Boys’ mama

5. Miss Ellie Ewing. Miss Ellie (Barbara Bel Geddes) spent most of her time quietly fretting about her sons and their wives, but occasionally she couldn’t help but stick her nose in their business. Like the time she called out J.R. for allowing Sue Ellen’s drinking to spiral out of control. Or the time she suggested the newly divorced Sue Ellen stop dating Cliff. Or the time she pressured Ray – gently, of course – into confessing his financial failings. Did the Ewings mind Miss Ellie’s interference? I doubt it. I mean, look at that woman’s kind face. How could anyone ever get mad at Mama?

Mommy’s revenge

4. Rebecca Wentworth. For a long time, Rebecca (Priscilla Pointer), Cliff and Pam’s mom, wasn’t meddlesome enough: She abandoned her kids when they were little and allowed them to believe she was dead. Once Cliff and Pam grew up, Rebecca re-entered their lives and tried to make up for lost time, but she overcorrected a bit, like the time she told Cliff to stop seeing Sue Ellen. Later, while Cliff was recovering from a suicide attempt, Rebecca browbeat him into resuming his war against the Ewings, even buying him his own oil company so he’d have a platform to launch his attacks. Gee, thanks Mom.

Abby Cunningham Ewing Sumner, Dallas, Donna Mills, Knots Landing

Maternal affairs

3. Abby Cunningham. Abby (Donna Mills) was a pretty good mom, although sometimes she was more smothering than mothering. Remember when she ordered daughter Olivia to stop seeing Harold Dyer, just because he was in the mob? Or how about when Olivia suspected Abby of killing her crush, Peter Hollister? Abby didn’t really do it, but the fact that Olivia thought Abby was capable of murder tells you what kind of mom she could be. Then there was the time Abby flipped out after discovering Olivia was using drugs. Oh, Abby. It was the ’80s. Girls just wanted to have fun!

Mother wants best

2. Patricia Shepard. This one warrants a psychological dissertation. Patricia (Martha Scott), mother to Sue Ellen and Kristin, only wanted the best for her girls – and I mean that literally. When J.R. was courting Sue Ellen, Patricia didn’t think he was rich enough. Of course, once they wed, Patricia came around – so much so that when Sue Ellen began to lose interest in her marriage, Patricia began grooming Kristin to replace her as the next Mrs. J.R. Ewing. Weird! Later, Patricia softened and even made amends with Sue Ellen – but that turned out to be part of Pam’s dream. Thanks for nothing, Pam.

Alexis Smith, Dallas, Lady Jessica Montford

Serial mom

1. Lady Jessica Montford. This loony lady could out-meddle them all. Jessica (Alexis Smith) was the biological mother of Dusty Farlow, although he grew up believing she was his aunt (don’t ask). Jessica committed all manner of evil in Dusty’s name, including murdering a bunch of people to ensure he’d inherit a big chunk of Westar stock. Her killing spree was pretty heinous, but if you ask me, Jessica’s vilest crime was the time she knocked out Miss Ellie and stuffed her in a car trunk. Sorry Lady Jessica, but when you did that, you broke Dallas Decoder’s cardinal rule: Never mess with Mama!

Which “Dallas” mamas do you consider most meddlesome? Share your choices below and read more “Dal-Lists.”

Filed Under: Dal-Lists, Opinion Tagged With: Alexis Smith, Barbara Bel Geddes, Donna Mills, Judith Light, Knots Landing, Martha Scott, Priscilla Pointer, TNT

The Dal-List: The 5 Most Egregious Ewing Arrests

February 11, 2013 by Chris Baker 6 Comments

Ann Ewing, Bobby Ewing, Brenda Strong, Christopher Ewing, Dallas, False Confessions, Jesse Metcalfe, Patrick Duffy, TNT

Family tradition

In “False Confessions,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode, Bobby (Patrick Duffy) tries to protect Ann by telling the police he shot Harris. Like John Ross’s arrest for Marta’s murder last season, this latest incident is part of an old tradition of Ewings getting in trouble for crimes they didn’t commit. Here’s a look at the five most egregious Ewing arrests from the original “Dallas” and “Knots Landing.”

Cally Harper Ewing, Cathy Podewell, Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman

Under the gun

5. The Ewing: J.R. (Larry Hagman)

The crime: Cally Harper’s “rape”

The arrest: When J.R. went to Arkansas on a hunting trip, he met backwoods beauty Cally and became smitten. After they spent the night together, her shotgun-toting brothers showed up, followed quickly by Sheriff Hanks, who charged J.R. with rape.

The real criminal: J.R. was guilty of many things, but his relationship with Cally was consensual. The real bad guys were Hanks, who refused to allow J.R. to make a single phone call from jail, and the justice of the peace, who sentenced him to 10 years in prison. Of course, J.R. did himself no favors when he interrupted his trial to declare, “You people got to be kidding. Hell, I can buy this whole town with the change I got in my pocket!”

Level of egregiousness (scale of 1 to 10): J.R.’s arrest gets a 5, but the egregiousness of this silly storyline deserves a big, fat 10.

Dial “M” for murder?

4. The Ewing: Ray Krebbs (Steve Kanaly)

The crime: Mickey Trotter’s death

The arrest: After Ray’s cousin Mickey was paralyzed in a car crash, someone pulled the plug on his life support system. The police arrested Ray, who had blocked the door to Mickey’s hospital room so the doctors and nurses couldn’t revive him.

The real criminal: In dramatic testimony at Ray’s trial, his aunt Lillian Trotter, Mickey’s mother, confessed she wanted her son to die with dignity and decided to pull the plug. Lil didn’t have the strength to do it, so she asked Ray to help her. Ever the obedient nephew, Ray obliged.

Level of egregiousness: 6. Ray was technically guilty and the judge sentenced him to five years in the state penitentiary – but immediately suspended the sentence because he said Ray was such a nice guy. Seems like sound legal reasoning to me.

Gary Ewing, Knots Landing, Ted Shackelford

He usually loves bars

3. The Ewing: Gary (Ted Shackelford)

The crime: Ciji Dunne’s murder

The arrest: Gary befriended Ciji, an aspiring singer, but when her star began to rise, his self-esteem began to plummet. Gary went on a bender and woke up the next morning on the Knots Landing beach, not far from Ciji’s seaweed-strewn body. The police suspected he killed her during a booze-fueled rage and hauled him off to jail.

The real criminal: Chip Roberts, Ciji’s boyfriend. Eventually the cops figured out Chip murdered Ciji when she became pregnant with his child and refused to have an abortion. Ciji had also discovered Chip was really a con artist named Tony Fenice.

Level of egregiousness: 7. The Knots Landing police should’ve known better than to arrest Gary. All they had to do was call Sheriff Washburn back in Braddock. He could’ve told them: Never arrest a Ewing!

Dallas, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing, Who Shot J.R.?

Ready for her close-up

2. The Ewing: Sue Ellen (Linda Gray)

The crime: J.R.’s shooting

The arrest: There was no shortage of suspects when an unseen assailant gunned down J.R. in his office. When Jock discovered the weapon in J.R. and Sue Ellen’s bedroom closet, he turned it over to the cops, who decided it was all the proof they needed to arrest Sue Ellen for the crime.

The real criminal: Kristin Shepard, Sue Ellen’s sister, who wanted to get back at J.R. for trying to run her out of town. Sue Ellen figured out Kristin had framed her by planting the gun in the closet. (But no one ever answered the question: How did Kristin know Jock would go snooping there?)

Level of egregiousness: 8. Arresting Sue Ellen was a travesty of justice! The only way she’d ever shoot J.R. would be if he – oh, I don’t know – tossed one of her lovers off a high-rise balcony. But what are the odds of something like that happening?

Jailhouse Jock

1. The Ewing: Jock (Jim Davis)

The crime: Hutch McKinney’s murder

The arrest: When Ray began building a home on Southfork, the construction crew uncovered the remains of the long-missing McKinney, one of Ray’s predecessors as ranch foreman. Sheriff Washburn’s investigation determined McKinney had been shot with Jock’s gun, not long after Jock and McKinney had had a knock-down-drag-out brawl in a local saloon.

The real criminal: Digger Barnes, who killed McKinney when he discovered he had impregnated Digger’s wife Rebecca and was planning to run away with her. Digger confessed his crime on his deathbed, where he also told Pam that McKinney was her biological father.

Level of egregiousness: 11. Throw Jock Ewing in jail? That’s something you just don’t do. When a reporter asked the old man how he felt about being arrested, Jock huffed, “I’m mad as hell, boy.” Who could blame him?

Which Ewing arrests do you consider the most egregious? Share your choices below and read more “Dal-Lists.”

Filed Under: Dal-Lists, Opinion Tagged With: False Confessions, Jim Davis, Knots Landing, Larry Hagman, Linda Gray, Patrick Duffy, Steve Kanaly, Ted Shackelford, TNT

After ‘Dallas’: 7 Shows That Aired in TV’s Best Time Slot

February 4, 2013 by Chris Baker 7 Comments

Who the hell are these people?

Stick around after “Dallas” tonight and you’ll see the debut of “Monday Mornings,” a weekly medical drama that – in the words of TNT’s press release – “follows the lives of doctors as they push the limits of their abilities and confront their personal and professional failings.” Back in the ’80s, the post-“Dallas” time slot – Friday nights at 10 – was some of the hottest real estate in prime time. Do you remember the other shows that tried to ride J.R.’s coattails to the top of the Nielsen charts?

“Falcon Crest”

Vintage

Well, of course you remember this one. “Falcon Crest” debuted December 4, 1981, and followed “Dallas” on Friday nights for almost its entire nine-season run. (CBS bumped the show to Thursdays for its final four episodes.) The series starred the great Jane Wyman as the indomitable Angela Channing, who ruled the Northern California wine country the way J.R. ruled Big D. Wyman’s co-stars included Lorenzo Lamas, whose playboy Lance Cumson was the John Ross Ewing of his day. “Falcon Crest” also starred Robert Foxworth, a fine actor who turned down the role of J.R. in 1978 because he feared the character wasn’t likable enough. For this, we thank him.

“Capitol”

Women at war

Wasn’t “Capitol” a daytime soap opera, you ask? Yes it was. But on March 26, 1982, three days before the serial joined CBS’s afternoon lineup (where it was sandwiched between “As the World Turns” and “Guiding Light”), “Capitol” got a one-hour preview after “Dallas.” The show was set in Washington, D.C., and told the story of two families: the McCandlesses and the Cleggs, who fought over politics the way the Barneses and the Ewings feuded over oil. Instead of old coots like Jock and Digger, “Capitol” gave us two grand dames: Constance Towers as Clarissa McCandless and Carolyn Jones – a.k.a. Morticia Addams – as Myrna Clegg. How progressive!

“Knots Landing”

Three’s a crowd, Gary

“Dallas” and “Knots Landing” were made to go together, but the spinoff followed its parent in CBS’s lineup exactly once: October 29, 1982. That evening, Gary (Ted Shackelford) visited “Dallas” for the reading of Jock’s will, and the story continued on a special “Knots Landing” episode in which J.R. (Larry Hagman) canoodled with his middle brother’s latest squeeze Abby (Donna Mills). If CBS’s goal was to goose “Knots Landing’s” numbers, the plan worked: That week, “Dallas” finished first in the ratings and “Knots Landing” finished fourth. It was “Knots Landing’s” most-watched episode ever and the first time the show cracked Nielsen’s top 10.

“The Mississippi”

All wet

When “Falcon Crest” finished its second season early, CBS used the post-“Dallas” time slot to try out “The Mississippi,” which began a six-week run on March 25, 1983. The series starred “The Waltons” dad Ralph Waite as Ben Walker, a tugboat captain who also fought crime with help from sidekick Stella McMullen (Linda G. Miller). “The Mississippi” was an instant hit and earned its own slot on CBS’s fall 1983 schedule: Tuesday nights at 8. But without the benefit of a “Dallas” lead-in, “The Mississippi’s” audience dried up. (Oh, stop groaning. You knew that was coming.) In 1997, Waite appeared on Hagman’s “Orleans,” another CBS riverboats-and-crime drama.

“Hard Copy”

Get them rewrite!

“Hard Copy” starred Michael Murphy as Andy Omart, a scribe for the Los Angeles Morning Post; Wendy Crewson as fellow newshound Blake Calisher; and Dean Devlin as David Del Valle (or was it David Del Valle as Dean Devlin?), a cub reporter. Also featured: George O. Petrie – a.k.a. Ewing family consigliere Harv Smithfield – as Scoop Webster. CBS launched “Hard Copy” after Super Bowl XXI (Giants stomp the Broncos, 39 to 20) in January 1987, where it bombed. In May, the network moved the show to Fridays, where it followed summertime “Dallas” reruns and bombed again. CBS stopped the presses for good six weeks later.

“Beauty and the Beast”

Once upon a time

If you remember “Beauty and the Beast” airing before “Dallas,” you’re right. But before the romantic fantasy/action show moved to the pre-Southfork slot, CBS aired its pilot after “Dallas’s” 11th season premiere on September 25, 1987. You’ll recall that was the night Pam was rescued from her fiery car crash. Perhaps CBS thought seeing Pam wrapped in bandages would help viewers mentally prepare to meet Vincent (Ron Perlman), the lion-like creature who made Catherine Chandler (Linda Hamilton) swoon. Vincent’s face was hidden in all the show’s pre-debut publicity, including TV Guide’s fall preview; the hairy mug wasn’t revealed until the premiere.

“Sons & Daughters”

Circle unbroken?

“Dallas’s” final dance partner, “Sons & Daughters,” debuted January 4, 1991, four months before the Ewings rode off into the sunset. The “Parenthood”-style series starred Don Murray as Bing Hammersmith, the patriarch of a quirky family that included Lucie Arnaz as his eldest daughter Tess. CBS planned to call the show “The Hammersmiths” and pair it with Murray’s previous series, “Knots Landing,” on Thursdays, but when Fox shifted its red-hot “The Simpsons” to that night, CBS changed the title to “Sons & Daughters” and shifted it to Fridays. “Sons & Daughters” was set in Portland, Oregon – just like “Monday Mornings.” We’ve come full circle, folks.

What did you enjoy watching after “Dallas” on Friday nights? Share your memories below and read more features from Dallas Decoder.

Filed Under: Features, Features Tagged With: Don Murray, Donna Mills, George O. Petrie, Knots Landing, Larry Hagman, Robert Foxworth, Ted Shackelford, TNT

Oh, ‘Pioneers’! Soaps Tribute is a Sprint Down Memory Lane

January 21, 2013 by Chris Baker 5 Comments

Along came Polly

“There’s not a show on right now, at this moment, that isn’t soap,” Joan Van Ark declares during PBS’s “Pioneers of Television” tribute to the nighttime soap operas of the 1980s. She’s referring to the emergence of serialization as the dominant form of storytelling in prime time, and so she has a point. Carrie and Brody, Walt and Jesse, Don and Peggy. On television, no one’s story ends anymore.

This would seem to be the most enduring legacy of the ’80s soaps, but Van Ark’s trenchant observation is the closest “Pioneers” comes to addressing it. The 52-minute retrospective, which most PBS stations will air tomorrow night, recalls three shows – “Dallas,” “Dynasty” and “Knots Landing” (sorry “Falcon Crest” fans) – through the usual mix of talking heads and old clips. But with lots of ground to cover and so little time to do it, the interviews become sound bites and the clips become snips. This is a sprint down memory lane.

“Dallas” fans will appreciate the prominence given to Larry Hagman, who recorded his interview before his death last fall. We also get to hear from Patrick Duffy, Linda Gray and Charlene Tilton, although some of their stories and the scenes that accompany them will be all-too-familiar to “Dallas” diehards. Prepare to see Kristin pump J.R. full of lead for the umpteenth time, and to hear again how that bogus Irish Spring commercial provided the cover to film the dead Bobby’s reanimation in Pam’s shower. Isn’t it time to let the “Dallas” cast reminisce about something other than the show’s cliffhangers?

There are a few surprises. I had forgotten how Hagman’s role as a slick Texas businessman in the 1974 flick “Stardust” helped him slide into J.R.’s boots four years later. It’s also fun to see photos of the young, dreamy Hagman, and to hear him recall how he and Joan Collins dated as teenagers. Wisely, the “Pioneers” producers also give Hagman the last word, and his too-humble assessment of his performance as J.R. allows the program to end on a graceful, poignant note.

The most interesting moment overall comes when narrator Ryan Seacrest (yes, him) points out the ’80s soap were “among the whitest shows on television.” “Dynasty” is justly praised for casting Diahann Carroll in a starring role, and we’re reminded that “Knots Landing” once moved an African American family, the Williamses, onto the cul-de-sac, only to shift the characters to the backburner. Lynne Moody, who played Pat Williams, recalls how she grew frustrated with her lack of screen time and asked the “Knots Landing” producers to let her out of her contract. They agreed. Her tone suggests she regrets that decision a little now.

Unfortunately, “Pioneers” ignores the influence the soaps had on television’s depiction of women, which is probably the genre’s other significant legacy. Victoria Principal’s Pam Ewing was one of the medium’s first sexually liberated heroines, and “Dynasty” and “Knots Landing” deserve credit for showing women could be every bit as savvy as men in the world of big business. But “Pioneers” breezes past all that and instead gives us the usual blather about shoulder pads and catfights. At least we get to hear Michele Lee’s “Pollyanna speech” from “Knots Landing,” which feels more resonant today than it did two decades ago.

It might also have been nice if the producers had invited some of the stars of today’s prestige serials to comment on the ’80s soaps, the way Tina Fey paid tribute to Mary Tyler Moore and Lucille Ball during last week’s “Pioneers” tribute to comedic women. If nothing else, PBS should have let us hear from some of the stars of its own hit soap, “Downton Abbey.” After all, if it wasn’t for Bobby and Pam, would there be a Matthew and Mary?

Most PBS stations will broadcast “Pioneers of Television: Primetime Soaps” on Tuesday, January 22, at 8 p.m. Eastern. Watch the show, share your comments below and read more opinions from Dallas Decoder.

Filed Under: Opinion, Opinion Tagged With: Charlene Tilton, Joan Van Ark, Knots Landing, Larry Hagman, Linda Gray, Lynne Moody, Michele Lee, Patrick Duffy, Victoria Principal

J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman and Me

November 30, 2012 by Chris Baker 21 Comments

My hero

Like his famous alter ego, Larry Hagman dodged death so many times, I assumed he was going to live forever. Waking up to the news last Saturday morning that Hagman was suddenly gone left me feeling a little dazed. Without putting much thought into it, I grabbed an old J.R. Ewing publicity shot, scanned it and reached for my laptop to tap out a quick tribute for Dallas Decoder.

As fate would have it, my previous post was a transcription of the next-to-last scene from “The Search,” the “Dallas” episode where Jock is presumed dead. When I logged into my site, I was greeted by a shot of Bobby standing in the Southfork dining room, breaking the news to Miss Ellie that Daddy isn’t coming home. In that instant, I wondered: Where is Patrick Duffy right now, and does he look as heartbroken as he does in this old picture?

That’s when I lost it.

I couldn’t believe what was happening. I was weeping over the death of a television actor, a man I’d never met. Yes, I’m a “Dallas” fanatic, but I’m not much of a crier. So as I sat on my sofa shedding tears, I kept telling my husband Andrew how silly I felt. He held my hand and told me I shouldn’t feel embarrassed.

I see now that Andrew was right. Whether or not I knew Larry Hagman wasn’t the point. What mattered is that he had touched my life. Maybe J.R. Ewing wasn’t a real person, but the sense of loss I felt at that moment was very real.

It took me a few days to figure all this out and find the words to express it. The breakthrough came when I realized J.R. has been part of my world almost from the beginning. I don’t remember when I watched “Dallas” for the first time, but it must have been in the spring or summer of 1980, when the show was 2 and I was 6. I didn’t always understand the stories I saw on “Dallas,” but I couldn’t get enough of the glamorous trappings – the ranch, the offices, the cars. Mostly, though, I loved the rapscallion at the heart of it all.

J.R. Ewing was my hero. I can remember spending Saturday afternoons “playing ‘Dallas’” with Joanna, the girl who lived next door. Together, we would recreate the scenes I had watched on the show the night before. In our backyard world of make-believe, I always cast myself as J.R. Joanna was assigned all the other roles: Sue Ellen, Kristin, Cliff.

In middle school, my love of “Dallas,” “Knots Landing” and the era’s other prime time soaps was one of the things that made me realize I was different from the other boys. The other boys realized this too, and they made my life miserable. That’s when my appreciation for J.R. deepened. Even though I saw him do a lot of bad things each Friday night, I so admired how he carried himself. No one pushed J.R. around. Words never stung him. It was the kind of power I wanted for myself.

I used to fantasize about silencing my sixth-grade tormentors with clever, J.R.-style ripostes. Sometimes I’d imagine staging fiendish acts of revenge to make the mean kids sorry for picking on me. What these imaginary ploys entailed, I cannot recall. I couldn’t have been older than 11 or 12 at the time, so how devious could my maneuvers have been? Was I going to frame one of my bullies by making it look like he’d copied his homework?

I eventually outgrew my secret desire to plot and scheme like J.R., but I never outgrew my admiration for his swagger. J.R. never apologized for who he was, and eventually, I learned to be proud of who I am. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not the kind of person who brims with self-confidence. I’ll never have J.R.’s moxie. But I did learn a lot from him about standing up for yourself and having the courage to go after the things that matter to you.

Since I started Dallas Decoder and began re-watching the original series with fresh eyes, I’ve found myself thinking about Larry Hagman as much as I do J.R. What a phenomenal talent. Much has been made in recent days about Hagman’s gifts. There’s not much I can add here, except to say this: Larry Hagman wasn’t an actor. Larry Hagman was a wizard. He didn’t perform. He made magic.

People who knew Hagman have talked a lot this week about how the lines that distinguish him from J.R. blurred with time. I don’t doubt it. But I also believe there was a part of Hagman that was just plain Larry.

I thought about this a few days ago, when I watched the “Dallas Reunion: The Return to Southfork” retrospective. At the end of the special, Hagman and his longtime co-stars are sitting in front of an audience, reminiscing. At one point, the camera cuts to a shot of Hagman laughing. He’s so tickled, his eyes crinkle. This isn’t J.R.’s mischievous chuckle. It’s Larry’s hearty guffaw. It made me think: I know J.R. and I love him, but I wish I could have known Larry too.

I was lucky enough to have one encounter with Hagman. It happened during the fall of 2004, when I was working as a newspaper reporter. CBS announced a conference call for journalists to interview Hagman and Linda Gray about that “Return to Southfork” special, which was going to air in a few days. My editors weren’t interested in a story about a “Dallas” clip show, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to let that stop me from participating in the call. This was my chance to finally speak to my hero.

When the time came, I sat at my desk in the newsroom, dialed the number on the press release and listened to the moderator’s instructions. Each reporter would be allowed to pose a single question to Hagman and Gray. Fair enough. Except when it was my turn, I didn’t ask a question. Not really. I gushed. I went into full-fledged fanboy mode, telling Hagman and Gray how much I loved them, their characters and all things “Dallas.” At one point, I acknowledged I sounded like a sycophant. Hagman chuckled and called me “sickie.” J.R. Ewing took a shot at me! I was over the moon.

I’ve thought about that call a lot this week. I cherish the memory, but I also wish I could get a do-over. I wouldn’t gush this time, and I wouldn’t ask Hagman a question. I’d simply thank him.

What did Larry Hagman mean to you? Share your comments below and read more opinions from Dallas Decoder.

Filed Under: Opinion, Opinion Tagged With: Dallas Decoder, Dallas Reunion: The Return to Southfork, Knots Landing, Larry Hagman, Linda Gray, Patrick Duffy, Search

The Dal-List: 15 Great ‘Dallas’ Scenes Featuring Larry Hagman

November 26, 2012 by Chris Baker 31 Comments

Once and future king

Larry Hagman made magic every time he appeared on “Dallas,” so coming up with a definitive list of his greatest scenes feels like an impossible task. Instead, let’s just call this a list of 15 performances I love.

Dallas, Digger's Daughter, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Pam Ewing, Victoria Principal

The rose and the briar

15. Welcome to the family. On the day Bobby brings Pam (Victoria Principal) home to Southfork and introduces her as his new bride, J.R. cheerfully takes her outside for a pre-dinner tour of Miss Ellie’s garden, where he offers Pam a bribe to “annul this farce.” When Bobby approaches with a concerned look on his face, J.R. explains he’s just “talking a little business” with his new sister-in-law. “Mama don’t like business talk with supper on the table,” Bobby says. “Well, you know Mama. She’s so old-fashioned,” J.R. responds with a chuckle. It was the first time we heard his mischievous laugh, and it signaled the arrival of a different kind of villain. (“Digger’s Daughter”)

The smiling cobra

14. Poor Cliff. When his latest underhanded deal goes awry, J.R. is forced to sign over ownership of one of the original Ewing Oil fields to Cliff. “I can’t believe it,” Cliff says as he reclines in his chair. “After all these years, I finally whipped J.R. Ewing.” It’s a measure of J.R.’s power that we don’t feel happy for Ken Kercheval’s character at this moment. We feel sorry for him because we know this is a temporary setback for J.R. To wit: When Kercheval delivers the line about “finally” whipping J.R., Hagman responds with a slight smile. It’s more unnerving – and oddly, more satisfying – than any dialogue the writers might have come up with. (“Five Dollars a Barrel”)

Dallas, Joan Van Ark,J.R. Ewing, Knots Landing, Larry Hagman, Valene Ewing

Friendly enemies

13. There goes the neighborhood. When the residents of Knots Landing decide to fight Ewing Oil’s plan to drill near the local beach, J.R. comes to town to squelch the protest. Seeing this larger-than-life Texan in suburbia is a hoot. In one great scene, a frazzled Valene telephones Gary at work while cucumber-cool J.R. pulls a book off her kitchen shelf and flips through it. “I just love cookbooks,” he says. In another golden moment, J.R. takes a bite of the sandwich Val has just served him. “Hey, that is good. What do you call this?” he asks. “Tuna fish,” she hisses. Rarely have Hagman’s comedic sensibilities – and his crackling chemistry with Joan Van Ark – been put to better use. (“Community Spirit”)

Secrets cry aloud

12. Here comes Kristin. My favorite Southfork dinner scene: The Ewings are entertaining Sue Ellen’s visiting mother Patricia and younger sister Kristin, who has barely concealed her attraction to J.R. When Kristin announces she’s considering putting off going to college, J.R. suggests she could fill in for his honeymooning secretary Louella. And instead of having Kristin stay at Southfork, J.R. recommends putting her up in the company-owned condo. In other words: J.R. sets up his soon-to-be-mistress with a job and a love nest, right in front of his whole family. No wonder Hagman looks like he’s having the time of his life playing this role. (“The Kristin Affair”)

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Linda Gray, Sue Ellen Ewing

Truth and consequences

11. Sock it to him. My favorite Southfork cocktail hour: Ellie worries Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) didn’t get enough to eat at dinner. “She gets all the nourishment she needs from this,” J.R. says, waving around a liquor bottle. Next target: Pam. “She’s cracking up, slowly and surely. And who can blame her? I mean, she finds out that her daddy, Digger Barnes, is no relation at all. … And her mother’s a whore!” Bobby responds by punching J.R., and even though we know he deserves it, we kind of feel sorry for him. This was Hagman’s genius: Despite the awful things J.R. said, the actor delivered his lines with such joy, you couldn’t help but root for him. (“The Wheeler Dealer”)

Barbara Bel Geddes, Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Miss Ellie Ewing

Mama dearest

10. He’s got your back, Mama. Hagman often said he only accepted the role of J.R. after the “Dallas” producers told him they had cast Barbara Bel Geddes as his mother. I believe it. Every time these two appeared together on camera, you could feel Hagman’s reverence for her. (Fun fact: Bel Geddes was just nine years older than Hagman.) In this terrific scene, J.R. stands behind Miss Ellie as she chastises the cartel for taking advantage of one of Ewing Oil’s misfortunes. Hagman doesn’t have a single line of dialogue here, but he doesn’t need one. Sometimes great acting means knowing when to let your co-star have the spotlight. (“Waterloo at Southfork”)

Call waiting

9. Strike! J.R. is down because he hasn’t hit a gusher in Southeast Asia. The phone rings. “It’s the Associated Press,” Kristin announces. “They want to know something about an oil well.” Line 2 buzzes. This call is from Hank, J.R.’s man in the Orient. “Where the hell have you been?” J.R. demands as he takes the receiver. In the background: A drumbeat builds. Slow, steady. Bum. Bum. Bum. Finally, J.R. exclaims, “Yee-ha! We hit!” This scene is brilliant because it mimics a gusher: The news about J.R.’s strike trickles in before his joyful rupture. Hagman directed the sequence, proving he was just as clever behind the camera as he was in front of it. (“Mother of the Year”)

Dallas, John Ross Ewing, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Omri Katz

The legacy

8. “This is Ewing Oil.” When J.R. finally goes too far with one of his schemes, the Justice Department forces the Ewings to sell their company. J.R. is giving John Ross one last look around the office when Jeremy Wendell, Ewing Oil’s new owner, enters and orders father and son off the premises. “Take this eyesore with you,” Wendell says as he reaches for Jock’s portrait. “Wendell!” J.R. shouts. “Touch that painting and I’ll kill where you stand.” Hagman takes the picture off the wall, holds it aloft and – with trumpets sounding in the background – says to young co-star Omri Katz, “John Ross, this is Ewing Oil.” The boy smiles. So do we. (“Fall of the House of Ewing”)

Dallas, Larry Hagman, Linda Gray, J.R. Ewing, Sue Ellen Ewing

Lest the truth be known

7. Out of the frying pan… J.R. is fixing his breakfast plate in the Southfork dining room when he notices Jock comforting a distraught Miss Ellie. It seems Bobby has just told them he’s leaving the ranch because he’s fed up with J.R.’s dirty deeds. That’s when Sue Ellen chimes in, pointing out J.R. has driven away another Ewing brother. Dumb move, darlin’. J.R. responds with a vicious tirade, calling his wife a “drunk and an unfit mother” and announcing it’s time to send her back to the sanitarium. This is J.R. at his most menacing – which is remarkable since Hagman holds a strip of bacon the whole time he delivers J.R.’s venom-filled speech. (“A House Divided”)

Sins of the father

6. Another close shave. An adult John Ross is in a barbershop getting shaved while J.R. tells him a story that demonstrates how J.R. loved – and feared – Jock. Quietly, J.R. takes the razor from the barber, holds it to John Ross’s neck, yanks off the towel covering his son’s face and reveals he knows the younger man is planning to double-cross him in their scheme to seize Southfork. Then J.R. says, “I don’t blame you for trying to screw me. I was never much of a father during your formative years. And I’d like to make up for that.” As J.R., Hagman could be tough, but he could also be very tender – sometimes all at once, as this scene demonstrates. (“The Price You Pay”)

Revelations

5. Tears for Sue Ellen. After J.R. has a very pregnant, very alcoholic Sue Ellen committed to the sanitarium, our heroine escapes, steals a car, wrecks it and goes into premature labor. With the lives of both Sue Ellen and newborn John Ross hanging in the balance, J.R. sits with Bobby at his wife’s hospital bedside and recalls happier times. He concludes his moving monologue by saying, “Oh, Bobby. She’s got to live. She’s just got to.” With this line, Hagman purses his lips, shuts his tear-filled eyes and bows his head. It’s an early glimpse of J.R.’s humanity – and one of the few times the character cries on camera. (“John Ewing III, Part 2”)

Bobby Ewing, Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman, Patrick Duffy

The brothers Ewing

4. Mourning Daddy. Jock’s death sends J.R. into a deep depression. He stops shaving, stops showing up for Ewing family dinners and even stops showing up for work. Finally, Bobby (Patrick Duffy) has enough. Barging into J.R.’s bedroom, Bobby yanks him off the bed, drags him across the room, makes him look at himself in the mirror and reminds him their Daddy built the company not just for them, but also for their children. “It’ll never be the same, Bob,” J.R. responds. Hagman’s delivery of this line never fails to move me. Before this moment, we’d seen J.R. break a lot of hearts. This time, he broke ours. (“Head of the Family”)

Daddy’s little darlin’

3. Welcome to fatherhood. For months after John Ross’s birth, J.R. all but ignored the child because he secretly suspected Cliff is the father. Cliff thought the same thing and eventually filed a lawsuit to gain custody, prompting him and J.R. to take blood tests to determine the child’s paternity once and for all. On the night of one of Miss Ellie’s charity dinners, the results come in and prove J.R. is, in fact, the father. Armed with this knowledge, our tuxedo-clad hero enters the Southfork nursery, picks up his son, holds him close and kisses him. No dialogue is spoken. None is needed. The look on Hagman’s face – pride, relief, joy – says it all. (“Paternity Suit”)

The Ewing touch

2. Reminiscing. After a long day at work, J.R. comes home and finds Sue Ellen asleep in John Ross’s nursery, having dozed off while rocking him. She awakens and helps J.R. put the boy in his crib, and then the couple moves into their bedroom, where they recall their courtship. The dialogue beautifully captures the unique qualities Hagman and Gray bring to their roles. (Sue Ellen on J.R.’s eyes: “They always seemed to be hiding secrets. Things you knew about the world that no one else knew.”) The conversation also reminds us J.R. is not a hateful man. He loves many people, and none more than Sue Ellen. Theirs is the greatest – and most complicated – romance Texas has ever known. (“New Beginnings”)

True confessions

1. Brotherly love. J.R. finally does the right thing when he ends the war for Southfork and returns ownership of the ranch to Bobby, but the drama isn’t over: Bobby suffers a seizure and is taken to the hospital for emergency surgery. Standing at his brother’s hospital bedside, J.R. holds Bobby’s hand and pleads with him to wake up. “I’m going to tell you something you never heard me say before,” J.R. says. “I love you, Bobby, and I don’t know who I’d be without you.” With this line, J.R. acknowledges what the audience has always known: He’s incapable of checking his own worst impulses; he needs Bobby to do it for him. This is a deeply moving moment in its own right, but it takes on added poignancy now that we know Duffy was at Hagman’s side when he died. It’s also comforting to know J.R.’s greatest fear – having to face life without his beloved baby brother – will never be realized. How sad for us, though, that we must now face a world without Larry Hagman. (“Revelations”)

What do you consider J.R. Ewing’s greatest moments? Share your choices below and read more “Dal-Lists.”

Filed Under: Dal-Lists, Opinion Tagged With: Community Spirit, Digger’s Daughter, Fall of the House of Ewing, Head of the Family, House Divided, John Ewing III Part 2, Ken Kercheval, Knots Landing, Kristin Affair, Larry Hagman, Linda Gray, Mother of the Year, New Beginnings, Paternity Suit, Patrick Duffy, Price You Pay, Revelations, TNT, Victoria Principal, Waterloo at Southfork, Wheeler Dealer

The Dal-List: Kristin Shepard’s 13 Greatest Moments

October 11, 2012 by Chris Baker 11 Comments

Thanks for the memories, darlin’

Dallas Decoder kicks off its newest periodic feature, “The Dal-List,” with a look back at the 13 most memorable moments featuring “Dallas” vixen Kristin Shepard, played by the magnificent Mary Crosby.

Dallas, Kristin Shepard, Mary Crosby, Rudy Millington, Terry Lester

Clothes call

13. Leaving Rudy. Feeling neglected by J.R. (Larry Hagman), Kristin turned to old flame Rudy Millington (Terry Lester) – and for a moment, it looked like she was going to allow him to make an honest woman of her. Then J.R. showed up, interrupting their post coital bliss. Before this embarrassing scene was over, Kristin had chosen J.R., leaving poor Rudy with a broken heart, no job – and possibly no pants. (“Return Engagements”)

Conundrum, Dallas, Kristin Shepard, Mary Crosby

Of vice and men

12. Scamming Judge Smith. A decade after Kristin’s death, an “angel” showed J.R. what life would have been like if he had never been born, including the revelation that Kristin became a cop. J.R. watched her bust grandfatherly Judge Smith (James T. Callahan) for solicitation – but it turned out the badge was fake: Kristin was really a con artist who preyed on powerful men. Guess she was destined to be bad. (“Conundrum”)

Dallas, Don Starr, Jordan Lee, Kristin Shepard, Mary Crosby

Daddy day scare

11. Bilking Jordan. After giving birth in California, Kristin sashays back to Dallas and makes a phone call. “The baby … looks just like you,” she coos. The audience is led to believe the person on the other end of the line is J.R. – so imagine our surprise when it turns out to be rival oilman Jordan Lee (Don Starr). It seems Kristin lied to Jordan, telling him he was her child’s father – just so she could bilk him for hush money. (“Full Circle”)

Bobby Ewing, Colleen Camp, Dallas, Kristin Shepard, Sue Ellen's Sister

Buckle up, Bob

10. Charming Bobby. Kristin (Colleen Camp) paid her first visit to Southfork just as Bobby and Pam (Patrick Duffy, Victoria Principal) were hitting a rough patch – so J.R. naturally encouraged his wife’s little sister to seduce his baby brother. Kristin obliged, charming Bobby with her clever wit and tight sweaters. Then Bobby and Pam made up, leaving Kristin free to pursue the brother she wanted all along. (“Sue Ellen’s Sister”)

Dallas, Kristin Shepard, Mary Crosby, Power Play

See what develops

9. Exposing Lucy. The only person Kristin despised more than Lucy (Charlene Tilton) was J.R.’s protégé Alan Beam (Randolph Powell), so when Kristin saw Lucy and Alan canoodling at a roller disco, she did what came naturally: She reached for the nearest Polaroid and started snapping pictures. Kristin hoped exposing Lucy and Alan’s secret affair would get them in trouble. It didn’t work out that way, but it still caused lots of drama. (“Power Play”)

Dallas, Knots Landing, Krisitn Shepard, Joan Van Ark, Mary Crosby, Valene Ewing

Lap it up, Val

8. Befriending Val. After wearing out her welcome in Dallas, Kristin headed to Knots Landing, where she got busy wrecking the marriage of those nice young suburbanites, Kenny and Ginger Ward (James Houghton, Kim Lankford). Soon, Valene (Joan Van Ark) was confronting Kristin, who confessed she was pregnant and afraid for her future. It was a rare and moving glimpse into Kristin’s soul. Who knew she even had one? (“Kristin”)

Dallas, Kristin Shepard, Linda Gray, Mary Crosby, Silent Killer

Sister, sister

7. Taunting Sue Ellen. Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) was suffering major post-partum depression when Kristin started flirting with J.R. So you couldn’t blame big sis for being suspicious when Kristin popped into her bedroom one evening to see if she’d be joining the rest of the family for dinner. “Were you thinking of occupying my chair?” Sue Ellen seethed. “Somebody will if you don’t pull yourself together,” Kristin sneered. (“The Silent Killer”)

Dallas, Divorce Ewing Style, Kristin Shepard, Linda Gray, Mary Crosby, Sue Ellen Ewing

Spill life

6. Drenching Sue Ellen. Oh, look: Sue Ellen and Kristin are in a posh restaurant, toasting their renewed friendship. Nice to see them getting along, isn’t it? Whoops, klutzy Kristin just spilled her cocktail in Sue Ellen’s lap. If she’s not careful, the Ewings are going to smell the booze and begin to suspect Sue Ellen has fallen off the wagon. Wait, what’s that you say? That was Kristin’s plan all along? What a hussy! (“Divorce, Ewing Style”)

Dallas, J.R. Ewing, Kristin Shepard, Larry Hagman, Mary Crosby

If smirks could kill

5. Seducing J.R. Once J.R. hired Kristin as his new secretary, it didn’t take her long to figure out his scheme to secretly mortgage Southfork. She threatened to spill the beans to Jock and Bobby – unless J.R. slept with her. Turns out she didn’t need to ask twice. “Kristin,” J.R. said as he took her in his arms, “with your mind and your body, it just might take me a lifetime to figure you out.” Cost him his life is more like it. (“The Kristin Affair”)

Dallas, Kristin Shepard, Mary Crosby, Nightmare

Move over, Florence Nightingale

4. Mocking J.R. While recovering in the hospital from his shooting, J.R. was surprised to receive a visit from Kristin, who was still in town after his goons failed to run her off. “Don’t you worry, Kristin. When I get out of here, you’ll get yours,” J.R. warned. “I know I will,” she smirked as she looked his paralyzed body up and down. “But not from you. That’s for sure.” J.R.’s under-his-breath response after she left the room: “Bitch.” (“Nightmare”)

Cliff Barnes, Dallas, Gone But Not Forgotten, J.R. Ewing, Ken Kercheval, Kristin Shepard, Larry Hagman, Mary Crosby

Is it really that black and white?

3. Scandalizing J.R. After giving birth to the son she claimed was J.R.’s, Kristin showed up at Southfork demanding more “child support.” Next thing you know, Cliff was fishing her dead body out of the swimming pool and claiming J.R. had murdered her. Before all was said and done, J.R. was being hauled into court to prove his innocence. Even in death, Kristin was still causing him trouble. That’s our girl! (“Gone But Not Forgotten”)

Dallas, Kristin Shepard, Mary Crosby, Who Done It?, Who Shot J.R.?

She bangs

2. Shooting J.R. No one knew whodunit when J.R. was gunned down in his office. Then the weapon was discovered in his bedroom closet. The cops arrested Sue Ellen, who figured out Kristin was framing her and made little sister confess. Of course, Kristin had a get-out-of-jail card: She was pregnant with J.R.’s love child. Fed up with her drama, J.R. finally exiled Kristin to California. Too bad she didn’t stay there. (“Who Done It?”)

Wait ’til you see him grown up!

1. Birthing Christopher. OK, we never actually saw this on screen, but so what? After miscarrying J.R.’s baby, Kristin got pregnant by sleazy Jeff Farraday (Art Hindle), who sold their child, Christopher, to Bobby after Miss Shepard took her deadly dive into the Southfork swimming pool. So when you think about it, Kristin is responsible for giving us Jesse Metcalfe on TNT’s “Dallas.” If that’s not a crowning achievement, I don’t know what is.

What do you consider Kristin Shepard’s greatest moments? Share your choices below and read more “Dal-Lists.”